Yes, it’s that time once again: The day we feature your dating and relationship questions. Although we would like to answer each one personally and with as much detail as possible, the overwhelming amount of inquiries forces us to highlight those that are most interesting to AskMen readers.

This week’s Q&A explores how to move past a woman’s reservations, how to win her over when she says you’re just a friend, and how to use cocky & funny comebacks in a relationship. David DeAngelo, author of Double Your Dating: What Every Man Should Know About How To Be Successful With Women, has your answers.
reader’s question
Dear Dave,

I was very skeptical of your approach, but I have been trying Cocky & Funny routine recently and it has been working like a charm. I have a question, though. What if a woman states she does not like a certain type of guy, like if she says she likes tall guys but one happens to be short. Can you give be a couple of examples of turning a perceived deficit (height, lack of hair, etc.) into Cocky & Funny responses?

Thanks a million,

Disciple in Training in D.C.
dave’s response
I really like this question. And the answer’s simple: Just because a woman says that she doesn’t like a certain type of guy doesn’t mean that she can’t feel a powerful attraction for a guy of that “type”.

Why?

Because, like I always say, attraction isn’t a choice. It’s an emotional and physical response.

But preferring a “type” is just a choice. It’s a preference. That’s why just because a woman says that she doesn’t “prefer” a certain type of guy, it doesn’t mean that she can’t be made to feel a powerful attraction for that type.

So, when you ask me how to use a Cocky & Funny line to turn a “perceived deficit” around, the first thing I have to say is, stop caring what a woman thinks of you. If you care what she thinks, you’re probably going to start acting like a total wuss. And women do not feel attraction for men who act like wusses.

Next, try to bring it up before she does. If you’re talking about height, you might say: “Well, you’re taller than me. I’m over it, are you yet?” This says you’re confident and not afraid to deal with it. It will also let you know how she feels about it. If she just can’t get past it, she’ll tell you, and then you can stop wasting time on her.

Finally, make it her problem. Use Cocky & Funny and say: “Wow, you’re kind of a freak. I think something like 1% of women are as tall as you. It must suck trying to find nice pants, huh?”

Bottom line: Show that you don’t care what she thinks of you. That redirects the conversation, and then you can decide whether or not she’s the kind of woman you would like to go out with.
reader’s question
Hey, Dave!

I know you don’t like relationship questions but I’m going to ask anyhow. Is it necessary to tone down the Cocky & Funny when you two become boyfriend/girlfriend? And second, how do you respond when women start challenging you back? I know you shouldn’t turn wussy, but I don’t have a good response to her turning on me. I like the challenge of it, but I’d like to know some good comebacks.

Thanks a million, Dave!

GT from Tennessee

Read on for Dave’s advice on how not to act like a wuss…

dave’s response
Should you “tone down” the Cocky & Funny once you get into a long-term relationship?

I personally think not.

Why would you? If you’ve found something that works, why would you stop doing it?

In fact, I’ve seen so many situations in my life where a guy starts out doing all the right things, then after “getting the girl” and winding up in a long-term relationship, he changes what he’s doing, becomes boring and predictable and loses the girl because he became dull and lame.

On to your second question, the one that bums me out because it shows that you’re totally missing something:

If you start challenging a woman and teasing her, and she starts challenging you back, most guys interpret that as her saying: “I don’t find you interesting” or “You don’t impress me.”

But, truth is, it’s usually exactly the opposite.

She just engaged with you. On a subtle level she’s saying: “I have received your Sexual Communication, and I am transmitting on your frequency. Let’s rock and roll.” At that point, congrats. It’s game on, dude. She is helping you dial up the chemistry and sexual tension, making it much easier for you to make her feel attraction for you, so just keep it going.
reader’s question
Hello,

My name is O. I’m 20 years old and living in Cyprus. In my college, I got interested in a girl. She gave me a lot of signals that showed she’s interested in me, too. But then she said she only wants to be friends.

I really need your advice. What should I do?

Very Sincerely Yours,

O.
dave’s response
Even though you live all the way on the other side of the world in Cyprus, I can feel your pain. But it sounds like you’re very young and inexperienced, so let me give you the basic lesson. Here’s everything you need to know:

Women are attracted to men for reasons that most men either 1) don’t know, 2) don’t understand or 3) won’t accept.

And as I said before, attraction isn’t a choice.

In your situation, it sounds like you got too lovey-dovey and emotional too quickly, and that kills attraction instantly. There’s no mystery or challenge when you fall in love immediately.

I also bet you also called her 31 times a day when what you needed to do was lean back and give her some space. Give her room to think about you and miss you.

Either way, it’s very difficult to fix one of these situations once it has reached this point. Once a woman has said “I only like you as a friend,” then you’re best off going out and meeting some other women and getting on with your life immediately.

So don’t wait. Get out there and do it. Start getting more experience and learning what it really takes to create attraction, and who knows? If you disappear from this girl’s life, then turn up a month or two later with new confidence and experience, she’ll know you’re dating other attractive women and might start to see you in a new light.

But by then, I doubt you’ll even care.

David DeAngelo is the author of the book Double Your Dating: What Every Man Should Know About How To Be Successful With Women, and several other products that can help men become more successful with women and dating. He also publishes a free online Dating Tips newsletter, available at www.DoubleYourDating.com.

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