This week’s question comes from a guy whose woman is a mistress. Can the good doctor get it through this guy’s head that she’s no good.
reader’s question
Hey Doc,
I’ll cut straight to the chase here. Can a woman be in love with two men?
I am a dedicated student of your course, and I understand that love is to be measured in terms of Interest Level, 0% to 100%. Your teachings have landed me, and are allowing me to keep, a woman with an Interest Level above 80%. Jessica gets an A in Flexibility and an A in Giving, but in the area of Integrity she’s not so stellar.
he offered to live a double life
The situation involves her ex. Brent was married and cheating on his wife, Mary, when Jessica saw him regularly for two years before we met. Brent told Jessica that he would never leave his wife, but he offered to be the father of Jessica’s children and live a double life with her. Jessica declined. She says she stopped seeing him after only our third date because she felt I could be the one for her to marry. She says she has not seen Brent at all since she broke up with him two and a half years ago.
she still talks to her married ex
Anyway, Jessica and I married six months ago. Here’s the issue: She talks to Brent on the phone every month now. I found this out by accident. When I brought it up to her, she denied talking to Brent until I told her I knew with 100% certainty that she was regularly talking to him. She claims that she loves me much more than Brent, and that I’m the only one she would ever marry. She promised that she would no longer talk to him because it will hurt our marriage.
So, Doc, here’s my question: Can a woman have high Interest Level in both her husband and another man? Is this maybe the answer to the whole ex dilemma?
Dexter – who’s looking forward to hearing the truth about his woman, the mistress.
doc love’s answer
Hi Dexter,
Sure, a woman can be in love with two men. That is, if her Interest Level is only 55% in both of them. But it is impossible to have 95% Interest Level in two guys at the same time. That’s simple arithmetic, my friend.
integrity above all else
In “The System” I tell you guys that any babe you’re with has to score a solid A in Integrity. She can get Bs and Cs in Flexibility and Giving, but there’s no wiggle room when it comes to Integrity. Without Integrity, you are looking at a life of torture if you marry the girl. So you might think you’re a dedicated student, Dexter, but you missed a massive, major point in your studies.
Now let me get this straight. What you’re telling me here is that your wife dated a married man. If your wife dated a married man, she has no Integrity. That’s all there is to it. Why would you go and marry a woman who dates married men? This is your problem right here, Dexter, not that a woman might be in love with two different men. Your problem is simply that you overlooked all-important Integrity when it came to your wife. To you Psych majors: You don’t want to get involved with a woman who dates married men, because that very fact tells you something about her character. And like my Uncle Jethro Love says: “And what it tells you ain’t good!”
When your woman is a mistress, Doc Love has some hard words to for you…
he offered to screw up kids
But let’s be fair. To Brent’s credit, he did offer to father her children and live a double life with her. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love says: “Now that’s what I call a real nice guy.”
It’s great that Jessica thought you were the one she should marry — if she had stuck with what she said. But she didn’t, did she? When you caught Jessica red-handed talking to her ex, she lied right to your face. Like my cousin Brother Love down in Watts says: “Looks like you got yourself a good woman there, dawg!” And the saddest thing of all is that you had two and a half years to evaluate her and you still went ahead and married her anyway. In the end, everything goes back to one unavoidable fact: she dated a married man.
she’ll have the hubby with a side of philanderer
Jessica claims that she loves you much more than Brent? What’s the matter with you, Dexter? She shouldn’t love him at all. Why would you marry a woman who loves another guy even a little bit? Sure, you’re the only guy she would have married — as long as she could keep another guy on the side. She married you because you were dumb enough to do it. The other guy wasn’t so dumb, have you noticed?
I want Jessica to not want to talk to her ex because it will hurt your marriage, not because you’re giving her an ultimatum or you have to tell her not to talk to him. Like my cousin Sal “The Fish” Love says: “If she had any class, she’d want to do it on her own.”
To answer your question: No, a woman can’t have high Interest Level in two men. Like I said at the beginning, she can only have low Interest Level in both of them. And the ex situation has nothing to do with any of this. Your wife dated a married man. When you found this out, right then and there you should have passed on her. And that’s your big error.
dude, she’s lied to you since the beginning
Dexter, you’re trying to rationalize Jessica’s behavior by bringing up the question of whether a woman can love two men at the same time. It’s a not an issue in this case. You went out with your wife for two and a half years, the other guy was allegedly out of the picture for all that time and now she’s suddenly making phone calls to him? Why is she talking to an ex at all? I’ll tell you why: because she has no Integrity. I can’t say it enough times. This is another great example of how men will rationalize anything and everything when they want to keep a woman who is no good.
Remember, guys: When a woman dates a married man, you should never have anything to do with her — ever.
To hear my LOVE RADIO SHOW, send me your love questions or to find out more about “The System,” visit me at www.doclove.com or call (800) 404-2644. For the past 30 years Doc Love has asked thousands of women, “Why do you stay with one man versus another?”
