(Phatforums News / The Stir) —  So you’ve been dating your guy for close to a year and you hear his parents are in town for the weekend. You nervously ask if you should be on your best behavior when his parents are around. Your boyfriend, your sweet perfect boyfriend, says, “No.”

Meaning, “I don’t want you to meet them.”

Um … what?

First, before you start packing your bags and kicking yourself for dating such an asshole, take a step back. He may be doing this for reasons OTHER than “he doesn’t actually love you.” Every family has weird dynamics, and perhaps he’s just saving you or waiting for the right moment.

I understand the hurt that goes along with this, but try and let it go. His family may have weird unspoken rules about meeting significant others. His family may be weird and embarrassing. The dynamics, you simply cannot know about — unless you’re IN his family.

The best thing to do in this situation, before packing your stuff and writing hateful messages about him on Facebook, is to talk to him about it. Let him know how you feel. Let him know that you’d WANTED to meet his family and you’re hurt/bewildered/sad about being denied the opportunity.

Then listen to his response. It may be less of a “I’m ashamed of dating you” and more of a “I’m ashamed of my wacky family.”

If the weeks turn into months and the months turn into years and you still haven’t met Mom or Dad, it’s time to take stock of your relationship and figure out where you stand. Are you okay not meeting his family? Are you afraid of what not meeting them might mean? Can you live being in the background of his family life?

If not, you know your answer. If so, you know your answer.

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