June 19, 2013

Posts Comments

You are here: Home / Archives for stress

5 Reasons Marriage Engagements Should Be Longer Than One Year

January 9, 2013 By Leave a Comment

black woman engagement ring11 5 Reasons Marriage Engagements Should Be Longer Than One Year

(PhatzNewsRoom / The Stir) — When a couple gets engaged, the first thing that happens is the . is incredibly, incredibly stressful, and many might be tempted to just shorten it all and get the wedding over with so they can move on to being married.

Apparently most manage to resist this . Huffington Post just ran a survey showing that the average length of an engagement is 13 to 18 months. Despite this desire to rush to the altar (believe me, I remember it), most couples do wait. And they are lucky they do.

A short engagement ( or less) really only makes sense if you have already been with your spouse for a long time and the is just a . Otherwise, especially for couples who have been together a year or less, a long engagement — more than one year — is very important. Here are five reasons to be engaged for more than one year:

You have your to be married: When you are first getting married, you want forever to start RIGHT NOW. But trust me, 10 years into this whole marriage thing, you are married a long, long, long time if you are lucky. There is no reason to rush into it.

are stressful: It takes time to plan a wedding. If you are eloping or having a small wedding, by all means, have a short engagement. But some venues book up two YEARS in advance. So if you have your heart set on it, it’s best to wait.

Engagements end: Sorry to burst your happiness bubble, but as someone who was engaged two times before the third one stuck, I can tell you that an engagement is hella easier to call off than a marriage. Give it time. Let it settle. Plan together.

It’s a : You are only engaged for one VERY brief period of your whole life. People are happy for you and loving and excited. It’s a in anyone’s life, so why rush into the marriage portion of the show that will, if you are lucky, last longer than even the unmarried part!

You need to know each other: For some people, six months into a relationship, they get engaged. Six months later they get married and then six months later they are pregnant. Eighteen months together is NOT enough time to know you’re compatible as partners and parents. It just isn’t. I have heard that it takes three full rounds of each season (three years) to get to really know one another. That’s a good rule of thumb.

Share|

Related Links:

  • No Related Links
Filed Under: Featured, Interests Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

7 Ways Husbands Can Keep Their Wives From Cracking Under the Holiday Stress

December 10, 2012 By Leave a Comment

holiday stress 7 Ways Husbands Can Keep Their Wives From Cracking Under the Holiday Stress

(PhatzNewsRoom / The Stir) — Ah, the . The lights. The presents. The spirit. And of course … the stress.

We guys know that being a is tough on any normal day. Some of us may not admit it, but trust me, we know.

Toss in the holiday shopping, the wrapping, the decorating, the cooking, and the preparing to spend way too much time with your family, and your wife’s lucky if she doesn’t have a long before the is sliced.

I’m not suggesting it’s time to listen to the hiding out atop that snowy mountain. No. Instead, I’ve come up with a list of ways to reduce that stress. To make the holidays a more comfortable for your wife.

Because everyone knows that when ’s happy, the whole family is happy.

So instead of spending on that gorgeous diamond necklace (sorry, ladies), give some of these tips a try. You may just save Christmas after all!

1) Take the kids – I don’t care what you do with them, just take them. Go to the movies. Shop. Hit the library. Just get them out of the house so your wife can do her own thing, whatever that is.

2) Make a list – Not a naughty or nice list — someone’s already got you beat on that one. Sit down with your wife and create lists for gifts and menus. Write down everything you’ll need. Once it’s written down, she’ll feel more organized and more in control. Plus, it’s fun to cross things off the list when they’re done.

3) Deck the halls – You don’t need to be an interior decorator to get the house all ready for the holidays. in. Grab some . Hang some mistletoe. If you really feel adventurous, send your wife out shopping, then grab the kids and decorate the house yourself! She gets some much-needed shopping done, while you take care of the decorations.

4) Take a day off – It’s the end of the year, so chances are you still have a few vacation days to use up. If not, play the “sick” card. Take a day off work and tell your wife you are hers for the entire day. Whatever she needs, help out. Whether it’s , shopping, driving the kids, cleaning, etc. You’ll be her own little Christmas Miracle.

5) Run a bath – Fill the tub and add some bubbles. Then, when your wife’s at her most stressed, regardless of the time, force her to go take a soak and think about nothing. Even if it’s just 10 or 15 minutes, the calming effect of that “me time” will go a long way toward recharging her batteries.

6) Split the chores – Just because there’s loads more to be done during the holidays doesn’t mean your wife has to go it alone. Ask her what she needs and then make a plan of attack. Split up the work, playing off of each other’s strengths. Just don’t slack off or you’ll find a lot worse than coal in your stocking.

7) Do nothing – On the other hand, if you’re the type of husband who always tries to help but inevitably makes things worse every single time somehow (ahem … yeah, this is why I’m no longer allowed to touch the laundry or cook rice in my own house), do your wife a favor … don’t do anything!

Share|

Related Links:

  • No Related Links
Filed Under: Featured, Interests Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Campus Confidential: Redefining Friendships

August 21, 2012 By Leave a Comment

2c66fd9aedabf12d8ed0ac255b29381f Campus Confidential: Redefining Friendships

(Phatforums News / The Frisky) — In high school, I had a single group of really close friends. Yes, I had other friends outside of that , but those five girls were unequivocally my best friends – the ones with whom I shared monumental milestones, the ones I could talk about everything or nothing with for hours on end. When I left for college, I couldn’t fathom ever replacing them. I wondered if I would ever find a group of friends that close again.

But here’s the thing: I haven’t made another group of really close friends. And the fact that I haven’t has actually been a blessing.Now, granted, I’ve only been in college for a little over six weeks. Who knows what will unfold over the course of the year or the next four years. But so far, I’ve been spending my time not with a single group of close friends, like I was so accustomed to doing in high school, but with a bunch of different people. I like and respect them all and get something different from all of them. For example, I have a friend with whom I explore and with whom I share a love of writing. I go to the typical college parties and events with another group of fun-loving friends. I have friends that I simply hang out with, get meals with and out the ’ lounge with in order to watch “Modern Family.”

I think that this aspect of college, this ability to have a lot of different friends — free from cliques and concerns about relative social status — has been one of the most rewarding for me so far. I love that I am able to develop so many of with so many different people and learn from all of them. The I thought I’d feel from not knowing exactly where I fall in a social order is nonexistent. In fact, I actually feel liberated. I feel like I can explore new and different aspects of myself, rather than restrict myself to a single definition, to a single group of people.

Still, though, I miss the that comes with knowing a group of people will always have your back and who unconditionally love and support you. But something tells me that that is something that will come with time and can’t be forcefully created within the first few weeks of school. And I am more than fine with waiting.

How about you? What are/were your friendships like in college?

Want to contact the author of this post? Email her at Hidden Email Address. Julie Zeilinger also edits and blogs for The F Bomb.

Share|

Related Links:

  • No Related Links
Filed Under: Featured, Interests Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Drinking & Cheating Could Leave You With More Than Just Guilt

June 19, 2012 By Leave a Comment

b81188160187230eef74e3d362e17cab Drinking & Cheating Could Leave You With More Than Just Guilt

(Phatforums News / The Stir) — Need yet another reason NOT to cheat?

If you don’t die from the guilt, stress, or , chances are you are going to come home with a nasty STD.

You might always carry a Trojan with you, but it’s not likely you’ll remember to use it. A study of more than 1,600 people revealed that unfaithful people are less likely to use a condom.

And not for the reasons that you think. Neglecting protection has more to do with your than simply enjoying the feel of love with no glove.

The study, published in the June issue of the Journal of Sexual Medicine, concluded that when people have secret , is typically involved … a lot of . Drugs too in many cases. That means they are not thinking as clearly and the usual precautions go out the window.

The same was not true of those who have a free pass to cheat. People in open have safe sex more often, which means fewer STDs being spread around from that group.

Why the difference? I think some need liquid courage to go through with the . It’s always been an excuse for why people do things they obviously shouldn’t. But I have to say, this takes the definition of to a whole new level. It doesn’t just mean waking up to find an unattractive girl or guy laying next to you. Nope. The affects of that -fueled indiscretion could linger for a .

Share|

Related Links:

  • No Related Links
Filed Under: Featured, Living Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Your Man can’t Get it up?!

May 24, 2012 By Leave a Comment

29adbc8db4e0248069359631ffadcdd1 Your Man cant Get it up?!

(Phatforums News / MFP) — Let’s look at some common bedroom problems and how to fix them.

Erectile Dysfunction

A man has erectile dysfunction if he cannot get or keep an erection that is firm enough for him to have sex. It may be caused by physical problems (e.g. injury to ) or (e.g. diabetes) or side effects to or . It could also be a psychological issue (e.g ).

My advice is to see if he gets a hard on when he wakes up in the morning. Most normal functioning men will get a more erect penis first thing in the morning. If he always wakes up with a flaccid penis, the problem is most likely a physical one and not a psychological one. You need to encourage him to seek treatment from a doctor. Because are most often caused by a physical problem, it’s important for him to eat healthy foods and stay fit. If you suspect the problem is a psychological one, you may try to reduce his performance anxiety by being understanding and engaging in roleplaying. Roleplaying may help distract from any performance anxiety that might be felt in the bedroom.

Pain

Some men don’t know just how very sensitive women’s bodies are. What they might think are undulated moans of pleasure could well be our of searing death. It me how many men can’t really tell the difference between pain and pleasure!

You need to show him what feels good on you. Demonstrate by letting him watch you play with yourself, or guide his hands over your body so he can learn from his mistakes. Your man will appreciate knowing what works for you and what doesn’t. So many problems women have in the bedroom are caused by not telling the man what he is doing wrong. However, if your partner is gentle as can be, yet you are still experiencing pain, you may have vulvodynia which causes chronic discomfort during sex. Apparently, it affect a whopping 15% of women!

Premature Ejaculation This is when a man has no control, and ejaculates much earlier than he or his partner would like him to. It is usually more common among younger and/or inexperienced men. It is debatable as to how long is normal, but I would say that anything that is less than 2 minutes is a big problem. There are creams, gels and even condoms that numb the sensitivity of the penis. You can also try getting him to climax from masturbation first, and then getting him erect again after a short rest. It will usually take him a longer time to come the second time round. Some men swear that it helps to think of their grandmothers when they feel they’re about to come too soon.

Low libido

Men with low libido have a decreased sex drive. It is not unusual to experience a temporary decline in sexual at some point in life, but if it persists, it may cause problems.The most common causes of a low libido are fatigue and stress but may also be side effects from medication.

Some foods such as oysters and chocolates are believed to be aphrodisiacs which increase sex drive. Oysters are a rich source of zinc which nourish the prostate gland and boosts testosterone production. Chocolate contains a nutrient that enhances mood and is the chemical we produce in our brains when we fall in love. If your man is not performing in the bedroom, then fix the problem together. You should never resign yourself to a life of bad sex (or even warm beer for that matter).

Share|

Related Links:

  • No Related Links
Filed Under: Featured, Interests Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

The Surprising Age When Divorce Hurts Most

February 8, 2012 By Leave a Comment

bd3c4b87b31a2eff22f30d9402a6bcbd The Surprising Age When Divorce Hurts Most

(Phatforums News / The Frisky) — There are fewer things sadder than the breakup of a 20+ year . Once a couple makes it to the 10-year mark, most people assume they are good to go, so one would think that would be a much more devastating blow at an older age, right? In fact, that is incorrect. A recent study found that actually hurts younger people who have been married for less time even more.

In fact, people between the ages of 35 and 41 reported more following their divorce than those who got divorced in the 44 to 50 age range as compared to people the same age who stayed married. Crazy? Maybe not.

It makes a lot of sense. Those are the prime ages to have young children, so people who divorce at these ages are likely dealing with the hardest part of all alone. And then there are those who haven’t had children yet.

If you expected to be with someone for your and they’re suddenly gone, it’s a huge life adjustment. This is especially true if you had wanted kids or a house or any of those other life visions we make for ourselves. If those are suddenly gone, it IS incredibly stressful.

Still, it seems like young people in their late 20s and 30s who haven’t yet had children (especially in their early 30s) actually have a gift. They can still make their life with someone and start “fresh” in a sense even though the initial blow might feel more panic inducing (wondering if they can still have kids, etc.).

Still, there is something that is devastating about getting divorced young, and it makes sense how the would affect a person’s health. My friends who have gone through it say it felt like a or like a statement about who they are. It hurt their and made them feel both angry and humiliated, neither of which is conducive to .

Even more, younger people have less context for pain. A person in their might have lost close relatives or their . They have been through more in life and so they will have more context for their pain. In addition, they may have already been so fed up with their spouse, they might feel more relief than stress once the marriage finally ends.

Whatever the reason, the study is likely accurate, which shows that those of us in our 30s who have friends going through divorce should treat it like the stressful event that it is and be there for our friends. The fact is, no matter what age a person is, going through a divorce is a major life upset and one of the most stressful events most people will ever face. For many, it’s tragic.

Share|

Related Links:

  • No Related Links
Filed Under: Featured, Interests Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

5 Most Common Relationship Fights & How to Avoid Them

January 31, 2012 By Leave a Comment

2527b6c6bdd7ad857e814dd897e645da 5 Most Common Relationship Fights & How to Avoid Them

(Phatforums News / The Stir) — fight. We know this. Even the most functional have now and again. fights, they happen.

However, there are many relationship fights that happen that can be avoided. Because let’s face it — the more and fighting a relationship has, the less enjoyable it is.

Here are some common relationship fights and how to (hopefully) avoid them.

1. Money. The most common relationship fights are about money. How it’s spent. How much you have. How “responsible” you are with it. Finances put a major strain on most . You can prevent (some) of these spats by being upfront about money and making sure you’re both working toward the same goals.

2. The past. It’s really tempting to pick a fight over the past. Maybe you had unresolved fights. Maybe one (or both) of you cheated. Maybe there are issues with an ex. To avoid this ugly fight, remember the past is unchangeable. In order to move toward the future, you have to let the past go. I mean, really let it go.

3. . The green-eyed monster is one of the more common relationship pitfalls. Maybe you’re jealous that your man (or woman) was flirting with a . Or that cute . Or the . Jealousy is normal, but also easily avoidable. Remind yourself that your partner is with you because he or she wants to be — not because he or she has to be.

4. Sex. Often in a relationship, one partner wants to have sex more often than the other. This can lead to all kinds of relationship fights if you’re not careful. If sex is a common relationship fight for you, you may want to sit down and examine the underlying issues.

5. Communication. Most fights (relationship or otherwise) are caused by a breakdown in communication. Effective relationships involve — which can be hard. So sit back and listen — really LISTEN — to what your partner is saying, acknowledge his or her , and work together to be more effective communicators.

Share|

Related Links:

  • No Related Links
Filed Under: Featured, Interests Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

5 Tips to Break Up the Right Way

January 18, 2012 By Leave a Comment

94ed8e541da325fbb0029ebf5f113c34 5 Tips to Break Up the Right Way

(Phatforums News / ) — There’s a right & to sever . Tips to cushion the blow so you can both have closure.

Breaking up is hard to do — that’s an understatement. But as terrible as it is, breaking up is a part of dating and . It’s something that everyone experiences at some point, so it’s important to know how to do the deed in the best and most sensitive way possible.

No two relationships or people are the same, but here are five general tips:

1. Don’t drag it out: As hard as you think breaking up will be, it will be even harder and more painful if you drag the on for longer and then break up. If you think there is a real chance of making it work, then by all means take some more time to see it through. But if you’ve already made your final decision, DO NOT continue the . If you do, you are just wasting the other person’s time, allowing them to become more attached to you, and preventing them from moving on and finding their . They will probably be furious at you for doing it, and rightfully so. Don’t let it come to that. When you know it’s not going to work, let them know ASAP.

2. Pick the right : Time to share a . When I was studying in Jerusalem in 1991, I dated a woman for almost 3 months. Towards the end, while I was planning to propose, she was planning to break up. In the meantime Saddam Hussein decided to shoot scud missiles at Israel and it became a stressful and demoralizing time.

My girlfriend’s family lived in a small village in a part of Israel deemed to be safe from attack, so she invited me to come out there to spend a to get away from the stress, and potential danger of the city. The only thing I remember is that at some point during my stay, she broke up with me and there was no way for me to leave until the next day.

The point of this story is that when you do decide to break up, pick a time and place that is sensitive to the other person. Also, don’t wait until the holidays or some special event to ruin someone’s mood. Give them a little time to deal with things before having to face all of their friends and family. I guess the best, and maybe the only, way to gauge what the right time is for a breakup is to put yourself in the other person’s shoes and ask yourself, “How would I feel if I were broken up with at that particular time?”

3. Give the person a sense of closure: Sometimes it’s clear to both parties that a relationship is headed towards a breakup. In those cases, when the relationship finally does end, there’s usually a sense of closure. Many times, however, the breakup comes as a complete shock to the other person. They are left dazed and confused, as if they were just hit by a speeding train and left lying on the tracks.

From my experience, it’s usually the guys who are the culprits in these situations (yes, I was guilty of it on several occasions). One day the guy seems all lovey dovey and then suddenly he’s telling you it’s over, have a nice life, I never want to see you again. Granted, breaking up is going to hurt the other person and there’s no easy way to do it, but after it’s done, you should at least try to give the person some sense of closure. What does that mean? Good question. It means different things to different people, but at a minimum you should have a face to face (if possible) conversation with the person and try to explain your and reasons for discontinuing the relationship.

The worst thing you can do is break up and without an explanation, and then never speak to the person again (assuming that they want to speak to you). It might seem to make sense to you as the best way to help the person forget about you and move on, but in the short run it’s really hurtful and you deprive the person of the closure that they need to begin to heal.

4. Space
Now that you’ve broken up and had a closure conversation, give the person the space they need to move on with their lives. If you happen to frequent the same venues, find another place to hang for a while so that your ex doesn’t have to see you and feel the pain over and over again, especially if you’ve already started dating someone else. I can still remember the pain of being on the other end of a failed relationship and having to see my ex on a regular basis. Give them a chance to heal.

5. Move on with your life
You made the decision to break up and did the deed. You had the closure conversation. You are done. So why are you still calling them to chat or going out for coffee together? I know, you’d love to be friends with them because you really like them (just not as a spouse), but don’t you realize that they probably still have feelings for you? Don’t you understand that by continuing to interact with them in a close personal manner you are stirring up their feelings for you and possibly impeding them from wholeheartedly dating other people?

If you like them enough to really try again and make a serious relationship work, then give it your best shot and make it happen. Otherwise, please follow the words of Gloria Gaynor and “Go on now go, walk out the door, don’t turn around now, for you’re not welcome anymore.” Move on with your life and let your ex move on with too.

By Rabbi Arnie Singer for GalTime.com

Share|

Related Links:

  • No Related Links
Filed Under: Featured, Living Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Only Bad Guys Are Less Attracted to Their Wives After Baby

December 17, 2011 By Leave a Comment

8eebfe68b12c8a0e3e66b9701cba43a9 Only Bad Guys Are Less Attracted to Their Wives After Baby

(Phatforums News / The Stir) — The after baby does wane. No one would or could lie about that. You go from being a couple with no kids and oodles of to canoodle to a couple whose time is mostly spent tending to a screaming creature who can neither speak nor tell you what he or she needs. Every couple makes an adjustment. But here’s the good news: Once the sex does come back, it is (and should be) better than ever. After all, you have just shared something life changing and profound. is bound to follow, right?

Well, not so for many couples. The Daily Mail interviewed couples after baby and the surprising results show that men actually desire their wives less after baby. Somehow they’re either turned off by their spouse or they’re too preoccupied by the baby and the to want to do the nasty. Whatever the reason, it’s very, very wrong and sad.

The fact is, a baby should be made from the love two people share. It should enhance that love and make it hotter. These men are all wrong.

It was one of those stories I read and was struck by how lucky I am. There are times in my day to day life where I forget just how special my is with my husband, and then I read about the men out there I could be with. I shudder.

Who do these men think they are? Every couple goes through a when baby comes and both the need to adjust accordingly, but these short-sighted men are pretending that a new ’s lack of sex drive lasts forever. It doesn’t.

For women, giving birth and raising a newborn are intensely physical experiences. Our bodies house these for . Then we likely them on our sore, swollen breasts, often in the middle of the night. It isn’t easy work, and no, a lot of times we don’t feel super sexual. But it returns.

Child rearing isn’t easy for men, either. I get that. But it’s physically harder on women, and the last thing they should be worried about is that their man will find them less attractive. It’s insane. Hey dude: She carried your baby! What is sexier than that?

It’s just plain immature and impatient to reject your wife after baby.

Share|

Related Links:

  • No Related Links
Filed Under: Featured, Interests Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Why You’re Not In The Mood

October 17, 2011 By Leave a Comment

57cc0ccbb0b6e11b011e468d0769866e Why Youre Not In The Mood

(Phatforums News / She Knows.com) — Not feeling like you have enough time for sex is a huge factor in whether or not you and your guy will be doing anything but sleeping in the bedroom. There are work emails to respond to, phone calls to make, dinner to cook, to put away – you get the idea. Real life can easily overtake the , subtly shifting sex right off of the list of potential things to do. The to-do list becomes more important than and crossing items off that to-do list is the only thing you’re thinking about. We get it; there are barely enough hours in the day to eat three full meals let alone seduce your partner, making the time factor a huge reason why you might opt out of sex.

How to deal: There are a few options and it’s a good idea to give all of them a try. The first is to embrace the . This can be a fun way to make sure you don’t fall into a rut and end up not having sex for weeks on end. The second is to schedule sex. It sounds unromantic, but it works and hey, if it’s on your to-do list, you’re going to want to get it done!

2 Feeling stressed

can wreak on a couple’s . It’s really hard to get in the mood when you’re dealing with deadlines, problems at work, or anything else that sends your anxiety levels skyrocketing. If you’re stressed out, more often than not the last thing on your mind is sex – which is totally understandable but can still cause a lot of .

How to deal: Of course you’re not going to want to jump into bed with your guy immediately after walking in the door after a day that left you tense and frustrated. So rather than just say you’re not in the mood and walk the other way, give yourself a chance to unwind. Make it known to your guy that you need some time to relax before anything else happens. Take a bath, go for a run or just sit quietly with a glass of wine until you feel calmer.

3 Lingering arguments

If you’re still thinking about an unresolved fight you had with your partner the night before, sex may be the last thing on your mind the next time you see him. If all you’re thinking about is how he didn’t apologize the night before or that he remains unwilling to compromise on whatever issue had you arguing earlier, it isn’t likely you’ll be feeling very amorous.

How to deal: Avoid allowing your to fester. You’ll want to get to the bottom of whatever has you (or him) on edge as soon as possible so you can move forward and get back to a positive (and ideally sexy) place in your relationship.

4 Being too tired

Long days at work can mean the only thing you want to do when you get home is hang out on the couch, meaning sex isn’t an option – something your partner realizes as soon as you turn the TV on or get immersed in your iPad. Being tired wipes out your energy for everything – from seeing friends to hitting the gym. It makes sense that you might not want to get frisky when you’re feeling fatigued, and you’re likely not alone in that sentiment.

How to deal: Make a deal with your partner that no one tries to initiate sex during the times you’re most likely to be wiped out from work. It might mean shifting your sex schedule around – morning sex rather than in the evening – to make sure intimacy doesn’t fall to the wayside.

Share|

Related Links:

  • No Related Links
Filed Under: Featured, Living Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
« Older Posts