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9 Supposedly Legitimate Reasons We Cheat

March 31, 2012 By Leave a Comment

6895f13053674fc7104d63c51d85b54b 9 Supposedly Legitimate Reasons We Cheat

(Phatforums News / The Frisky) — is famous for running content for men written by women just how men hope women write but don’t, and this is not the first time I have thought WHAT? But here: in their Sex and the series, author Lisa Taddeo explains (honestly) why women cheat. I will break it down for you, after the jump…

1. All wives ruin their husbands’ lives. “Every time I meet a , I think about the things she does that likely annoy her husband.”

2. Lisa Taddeo thinks a great deal about the evanescence of sexuality. “I think a great deal about the evanescense of sexuality.”

3. Lisa Taddo thinks that everyone . “If you have not cheated yet, it’s because you are still too grateful to be secure, or you have not yet had the opportunity, or the right color of red hair has not come along and sat down at the bar on a Tuesday when the was playing Leonard Cohen and your tasted like the future.”

4. Lisa Taddeo thinks that adultery teaches us stuff and wants to hurt people in the way she is afraid they will hurt her. “I’ve been with , which I feel taught me to be careful not to get hurt, to know that one day it could happen to me.”

5. Lisa Taddeo doesn’t believe in herself, so she doesn’t think others should believe in it either, even if — especially if — they are already married. ”I’m not sure I believe in it. ”

6. Lisa Taddeo lost her and she’s worried about losing everyone. “So I don’t ever put myself in a position to lose … Since the death of my , it’s been easier for me to associate with the devils.”

7. Lisa Taddeo wants to be a winner, and she doesn’t care who she has to step on to be one. “More than the illicitness of the sexuality, there’s a sexuality to the . To doing precisely what you want to do. Being crudely, smilingly, on the side of the winners. I’m arguing for Wild Moments, because you never know what your last one will be.”

8. It’s also just physical. “I’m always answering for the men who aren’t present. Yes there’s the physical, I just want to put it inside her right this second because she’s new and her smell is new and her hair isn’t blond.”

9. Lisa Taddeo is terrified. “Yes, [I feel bad for the woman getting cheated on]. But not as afraid as I am of being her.”

I talked about Taddeo’s piece with my mom. “Will Esquire please stop telling men all our ‘secrets’?” she complained. “It’s true, we love wearing teddies around the house, giving blow jobs, and we secretly admire the women who cheat with our husbands and boyfriends. Those Esquire editors need a good bitch slapping. Lisa, time will take care of you, my dear. Let’s see how you feel about women like you in 15 or 20 years.”

I think Lindy West said it best, though, on Jezebel: “?”Oops, I’m dead now. I died. I’m a dead person now. You did it. Murder was the case. My manhattan tastes like being dead now.”

Me, I’m just speechless.

This post was originally published on How About We’s The Date Report.

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Mind Of Man: Why Men Cheat Redux

September 30, 2011 By Leave a Comment

b900938b087c8b8cb0229d08ab6a06a3 Mind Of Man: Why Men Cheat Redux

(Phatforums News / The Frisky) — Haven’t I written about why men cheat before? Can’t I write about anal sex? Again? For the third or fourth time in my career as a hack? If it weren’t for the perpetually of “why men cheat,” the entire gender- would collapse.

Men cheat because people are . is the default setting of the human race. You know how there are people out there who say that they believe, deep down, everyone is good? I am not one of those folks. Right now, as I write this, a husband is lying to his wife. A woman is betraying a friend she’s known for years. A neglected baby wails and an old man to remember the last time anyone visited him. Another woman feels justified in sleeping with her lover because her husband has stopped touching her. A calls up his , a powerful senator who has groomed him since he was an intern, and lies to him, as he lied to his staff, and to the public who elected him.

Over the past two weeks, there’s been an of opinion on the topic of , as if it’s an . Which it isn’t. The story of human civilization is a simple one: people are terrible to one another, and then someone isn’t, someone loves without condition or forgives without exacting a price, and that one person redeems, briefly, the species, who immediately return to their scheming.

But that doesn’t mean I believe that the human spirit is a base beast singularly concerned with its and survival. What makes humans special on our little bubble floating in space is our ability to defy our nature. If everyone were faithful, faithfulness would have no value. We should be asking why men are faithful or why women are courageous.. Because those small moral decisions shine brighter than all the combined dark acts of men and women.

I’m not defending men. Men cheat. Women cheat. People suck. But the question is not why men cheat. The real question is why are so many of us surprised? Are we all naive? Has our education failed to teach us that emotional and physical brutality are abstractions? We’re surprised by true stories of moral failing because we can’t admit that people suck, and that we suck by association.

I just can’t exploit the silly armchair psychology being passed off as opinion by the fair-weather feminists, and the Sensitive Guy Action Squad and those moralizing scribblers at Search Engine Optimization Depot. Men cheat because they’re narcissists or adolescents or because they’re just so damn sexy. Yes. Yes. Yes. Men also cheat because they can. Because they do and will. We want what we can’t have. We punt on our responsibilities and pray that, just once, our actions will have no consequences. Which is like jumping out of a plane without a parachute and hoping that gravity has the day off.

These easy diagnoses don’t reach for any kind of truth. They just reinforce tribal prejudices. The readers are allowed to smugly sit back and not take any responsibility for the the things that actually bind and unite all humanity: our propensity for sin, self-destruction and vanity. As they, or you, or me, are immune to our own potential for moral failure. Any astrophysicist will tell you that space is a violent mess of imploding stars, swirling gases and colliding rocks. On a cosmic level, the center doesn’t hold. The universe is imperfect, so why should we think we’re any different?

Asking “Why Men Cheat” is asking “Why Conservatives Are Racists” is asking “Why Are Those People So Inferior To Me.” These are not thoughtful questions. These statements are brain filler at best, and at worst, dehumanizing exercises in fear-mongering. Because fear sells. Domesticated fear is, actually, the original anti-anxiety medicine. Nothing soothes quite like a nice dose of “us” versus “them.”

Men cheat. People fail. This is an immutable fact of life. I think we think we’re defined by our successes like weddings, and promotions, and crazy vacations. But I think it’s our disappointments that make us who we are. The way we emotionally adapt to a world that won’t give us what we want is the secret to human uniqueness. Some of us negotiate this chaos and behave exactly as expected — we claw, we hoard, we deceive. Some of us surrender to our lot and find that love is forgiving someone for the embarrassment of being human. Those people are special, and no one writes opinion columns about them.

I’m not a good man. But I try.

Follow John DeVore’s preening narcissism on Twitter.

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Are You a Selfish Girlfriend?

March 31, 2011 By Leave a Comment

e05d6027b7b73cd3929d6fc1d6db7678 Are You a Selfish Girlfriend?

(Phatforums / MSN) – You know what you want and how to get it. So where does he fit in? Here’s how to recognize whether your could use a little (or a lot) more give and take.

For years now women have been told to be more assertive in their , that in the healthiest , you and your man contribute equally — be it around the house or in bed. But that mind-set can cause one-for-me-one-for-you , which ultimately breeds resentment. “The ‘I’ll see your , and raise it’ game is a no-win one,” says Jane Greer, author of What About Me? Stop Selfishness from Ruining Your Relationship (Sourcebooks). “It’s just evidence of selfishness, on both partners’ parts.” And nothing will tank your romance faster, she warns. We talked to Greer about why it’s critical that we quit and start finding ways to compromise.

MC: Why do you say selfishness ruins relationships?

JG: Everybody thinks that they are right, and they’re invested in defending their point and securing their needs, no matter what. So when people enter relationships, the is often positioned as combative and oppositional. This dynamic has become increasingly intense because our culture conditions and reinforces over the hard work of getting along. Everyone has become emotionally grabby.

MC: But what if your grabbiness is legit — he wants to get married but you’re not ready; you love a certain type of touching but it’s not his thing? How does everyone get their needs met without either side feeling as if they’re losing themselves?

JG: Start by not taking your partner’s behavior personally. It’s about his fears and ; it’s not about you. He may say, “If you loved me you’d do blank” — but that’s not helpful. Instead, you compromise. The willingness to try to please your partner is what matters. If you don’t love bestowing a certain sexual act, make it something that’s a treat for a birthday or anniversary — but get it in the repertoire.

MC: What if only one partner is willing to try to please?

JG: Most relationships have one person who is a little more dominant than the other. No two people can come first at the same time. It’s difficult — you’re afraid that if you assert yourself, your guy is going to get angry with you. But if you don’t assert yourself, you feel miserable and trapped. So you’ve got to take a leap of faith, to speak your truth and negotiate. The goal is to find the middle ground, to please your partner and, in turn, be equally pleased by him, which is why you are with him in the first place.

MC: But if selfishness is ruining relationships, should the goal really be for the selfless partner to be more selfish, or for the selfish partner to be less so?

JG: You want to develop your sense that you have a right to meet your own needs — to take care of yourself without feeling guilty or bad. That will immediately push back upon the other person’s selfish behavior.

MC: What if we are the ones who do most of the taking? What if we’re being selfish because it gets us a whole lot of what we want?

JG: First, you’d be about the first person who walked into my office and admitted to being selfish. Almost all selfish people think other people are selfish because they don’t provide absolutely everything really big takers want. Still, my goal is not to show you how selfish you are. It’s “let me show you how unhappy your partner is feeling, and if your goal is to please your partner, then you’re going to have to change your behavior.” There is usually motivation to renegotiate because it’s no fun to be tied to a miserable person.

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