(PhatzNewsRoom / The Frisky) — Online porn is one of the sad realities of most marriages. I am sure there are many men out there who don’t look at online porn. But they are probably dead. The vast majority of others have and will utilize the service again and again.
It’s not cheating. But many women hate it. A woman I know actually left her husband for a time. From her anger, I assumed he must have been looking at child porn or something equally shocking and horrifying. “Nope,” she told me. “It was just boobs.” Just boobs, eh? And why is that so bad?
One CafeMom reader said that her husband’s porn habit is really harming her marriage. Her case is unique because she is a new mom, but a lot of others weighed in as well. Many said porn is no big deal, but others said he is an addict! He must be stopped!
I say, they need to chill out. I get it. Pornography can be really annoying. I will say I minded my husband looking at it a lot less a few years ago when I felt confident about my body and looks. Now, I have less self-esteem in that department and it makes me paranoid that he finds other women more attractive than me.
But I still get it.
Honestly, there are a lot of times I don’t feel like having sex with someone besides myself, too. I have my own likes and dislikes and I use porn as well. I just use a different kind. Men are visual. Women are more auditory. I will read erotica and get the same effect. So wouldn’t I be a hypocrite to complain?
It’s not that porn is never a problem. If a child sees it or your husband can’t seem to stop or you are going for long stretches with no sex and he is constantly looking at porn, then yes, by all means, be angry. Have a chat with him. Go into counseling. There are porn addictions and people with serious issues in that department.
But the average man, looking at a few nude photos or videos a day isn’t an addict. If it really bothers you, ask to be included. Ask him to show you what it is he likes and try to tap into what about it turns him on. If you listen, you might learn from his porn and make your relationship even better.