May 23, 2013

The One Thing Guys Totally Fear Most in a Relationship

497a989bb3aa408ca095983fa3a62120 The One Thing Guys Totally Fear Most in a Relationship

(PhatzNewsRoom / The Stir) — For guys, there are three in any relationship. Moments that aren’t just huge , but ones that fill us with absolute terror.

One of course, is marriage. I’m not talking about the wedding itself or the “till death do us part” thing. I mean the proposing. See, even if we’ve talked about it for years, and absolutely know you’re going to say, “yes,” there’s still that eensy teensy chance we could be rejected that gets our sweating like mad. Yeah, we’re weird like that.

The second scariest moment would be the first time a guy tells his girl he loves her. Those three simple words completely turn any relationship on its side. Nothing will ever be the same again. It might be good, it might be bad. But it’ll never be the same again.

The third scariest moment, however, is the biggest. It’s the one guys absolutely fear the most.

know guys are . Guys know that girls know this. And yet, when we first meet, we always try to put on our best manners, say the right things and refrain from any rude bodily sounds.

At some point, though, something has to give. Whether it’s in a crowded , cuddling on the , or at a special romantic dinner for two, at some point, every guy does it. He lets his guard down and lets slip the end of the innocence.

He lets one rip. He toots. Cracks a rat. Breaks wind. Cuts the . In other words, he farts.

Yes, sirree, a guy’s entire life flashes before his eyes (as the smell wafts past his nose), the very first time he passes gas in front of his girlfriend. The next 10 seconds are easily the longest in his entire life. And why not, your girlfriend’s reaction can be anything!

Thousands of and questions race through our mind in those agonizing and embarrassing 10 seconds.

Will she be disgusted or offended? Will she scream, “That’s soooo gross!” and storm out? Or maybe she’ll laugh her ass off. Heck, she might even say, “Thank ! I’ve been holding this in all night,” and let one rip herself. Okay, maybe not that last one.

Every couple is different, as is every reaction. Most scenarios will likely include some giggling, reddening of the face and quickly moving the conversation on. And slowly, ever so slowly, a guy will continue to “unwind” in front of his girl until his gas passing borders on harassment.

But before that initial moment, us guys do our best to hold everything in. And let me tell ya, it’s painful! Guys bodies are made up of 70% water and 146% gas. If we don’t let that gas out at regular intervals, our insides may very well burst out of our chests like a baby alien with a mad-on for Sigourney Weaver.

Curious why we run to the bathroom so much during dinner? Or when we have to go “check something in the car” when we’re supposed to be spending time together? Yeah, there’s nothing going on. We just need to release the pressure inside our balloon of a stomach.

And ladies, if we look like we’re in pain trying to answer a deep question of yours, it has nothing to do with avoiding commitment. If you think we’re suddenly growing distant in the middle of a date, trust me, it’s not you.

We’re just trying to make sure everything works out alright in the end.

Nation: President Obama mourns with Colorado community looking for answers

11161878bde3948c36bfde7fcec660dc Nation: President Obama mourns with Colorado community looking for answers

( News / AP) — AURORA, Colo. – President visited Sunday with families of the victims of the movie-theater massacre and some of the survivors as the suburban community mourned its losses and investigators tried to find a motive for one of the worst cases of in U.S. history.

“Words are always inadequate in these kinds of situations, but my main task is to serve as a representative of the entire country and let them know we are thinking about them and will continue to think about them each and every day,” Obama said. “The awareness that not only all of America but much of the world is thinking of them might serve as some comfort.”

Obama went to the here, where 23 of the 70 victims were treated. He praised a “magnificent” effort by local police and singled out the story of one young woman’s heroic action to stop a wounded friend’s bleeding as the gunman continued firing.

Twelve people were killed and 58 more were injured in the attack inside a crowded . Dan Oates said the man being held in the shooting, , 24, was not cooperating with authorities. “He lawyered up. He’s not talking to us,” Oates said.

A recent dropout from a neuroscience graduate program, Holmes has been assigned a public defender. He is scheduled to make an initial today.

Holmes, taken into custody outside the theater early , is being held without bond in on suspicion of multiple counts of first-degree murder.

Oates said it may take months for police, FBI and behavioral analysts to determine a motive for the bloody rampage in a theater filled for a midnight showing of The Rises.

In San Diego, where Holmes graduated from high school, Jerry Borgie, pastor at Peñasquitos Lutheran Church, recalled Holmes as “a little on the shy side.”

“I don’t think that he had a lot of friends,” Borgie said.

“It’s sickening that somebody could just do that,” said Brian Pettee, 35, who attended an evening vigil for the victims with his son Austin, 14. It was held at Aurora Municipal Center, within sight of the theater.

Contributing: Elizabeth Weise in San Diego, William M. Welch in Los Angeles

Editorial: Aurora gunman reignites debate on devil’s bargain

dad1d95b6f50207b84fc8060cebdf02c Editorial: Aurora gunman reignites debate on devils bargain

(Phatforum News / ) — Here we are once again, a nation united in horror — or is it ? — at a rage-venting lunatic’s burst of gunfire, this time in a crowded Colorado . At least a dozen people are dead and scores more wounded.

No matter how often this sort of thing happens —, , a Tucson parking lot and many more — it never seems to make any more sense. It’s difficult even to look at photos of stricken parents or hear the desperate words that an anxious mother who couldn’t find her 17-year-old son whispered to a New York : “I haven’t heard from him, and none of his friends are picking up their phones.”

There is much we don’t know, but many of the usual questions. Presuming this was not a deliberate act of terrorism — and authorities say they have no indication it was — who but an insane person would think it right to gun down dozens of people watching a movie? What was someone so unhinged doing with firearms? Where were the authorities who might have seen his insanity and moved to stop him? What happened to the requirements, modest as they are, that are meant to separate the insane from firearms? If past is prologue, the answers are likely to be complex and deeply unsatisfactory.

Virginia College student Seung Hui Cho was so obviously unhinged that a judge ordered him into mental treatment, which should have disqualified him from legally buying a weapon. But the state of Virginia was lax about passing such information on to authorities who run the national background check data base, so Cho was able to legally buy the two handguns he used to slaughter 32 people at Virginia Tech in 2007.

Tucson community college student Jared Loughner’s behavior was so bizarre and frightening that some of his sat near the door when he was in class so they could run if he ever erupted into the violence they were sure was coming. But no one acted to get him into treatment. His college simply expelled him, avoiding the problem. In January 2011, he opened fire with a handgun in a supermarket parking lot, killing six, including a federal judge and a 9-year-old girl, and gravely wounding Democratic Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords.

One of the saddest and most mystifying shooting rampages came in October 2006, when a milk truck driver named Charles Carl Roberts IV walked into a tiny Amish school in Pennsylvania and shot 10 ages 6 to 13, killing five of them. Just that morning, Roberts had helped his wife walk their three children to the school bus; co-workers said he had been a bit tense and introverted in prior weeks, but had lately returned to his normal outgoing self. If there were any warning of such monstrousness, no one seems to have noticed it.
Rate the debate

We don’t know much about the alleged movie theater shooter, 24-year-old James Holmes, who was captured alive. Maybe it will turn out that he gave signs of dangerous instability before the shootings, maybe not. We don’t know yet all the details of how he got the firearms — a rifle, a shotgun and two handguns — he carried into the theater. We don’t know whether the system should have stopped him from acquiring the guns, or whether people around him should have reported him for treatment. We don’t know whether there was any real chance to have stopped this horrific act.

What we do know from so many past experiences is that there will be calls for gun laws strict enough to stop incidents like these — but that those arguments will fade in coming weeks. The nation has had a long and contentious debate on guns and decided to allow individuals to own them, with modest limits. It’s a devil’s bargain that allows millions of law-abiding Americans to own and use guns responsibly, while accepting thousands of deliberate and accidental shootings a year, including the sort of perverse tragedy that occurred in Colorado on Friday.

Gun control strict enough to stop every shooting is a fantasy. For better or worse, Americans are fiercely devoted to their right to keep and bear arms, and the Supreme Court has upheld that right, with reasonable limitations. The notion that the authorities could somehow confiscate the millions of guns in private hands in the U.S. is a delusion. So is the idea that Americans would support prohibiting private ownership of handguns — the latest Gallup poll shows that just 26% of Americans favor such a ban.

That doesn’t mean there’s nothing to be done. Americans do support bans on assault weapons and large-capacity magazines, which have figured in and might have been a part of this one. There’s no legitimate reason for the loophole that lets some people evade background checks when they buy guns at gun shows, and no excuse for ignoring rogue gun dealers who “lose” weapons that are sold illegally to buyers who could never acquire them legally.

And there is no excuse for ignoring those among us who exhibit delusional, threatening or violent behavior. The laws in most states allow authorities and even friends and family to ask a judge to have someone like that treated. Such intervention can save lives.

There is deep national grief and anger after the shootings in Aurora. The best way to honor the victims is to work on the imperfect but useful ways to try to make it less likely that this will ever happen again.

Names of victims emerge in Aurora, Colo., theater rampage

8a913ea9cc5d1c8bcfd1a571ab8e2de1 Names of victims emerge in Aurora, Colo., theater rampage

AURORA, Colorado (AP) – Ashley Moser drifted in and out of consciousness in the , bullets lodged in her throat and abdomen. In her waking moments, she called for her 6-year-old daughter Veronica.

Nobody had the heart to tell her that Veronica was already dead, the youngest victim killed at a Colorado movie theater in one of the worst in U.S. history.

“Nobody can tell her about it,” Annie Dalton said of her aunt, Ashley Moser. “She is in , but all she’s asking about is her daughter.”

(Photos of the Victim)

Veronica just started swimming lessons on Tuesday, Dalton said.

“She was excited about life as she should be. She’s a 6-year-old girl,” her great-aunt said

, Denver

This photo from the University of Colorado, Denver, shows James Holmes, the suspect in a shooting at a Colorado movie theater that killed 12. Holmes was in the process of withdrawing from the school’s graduate program in neurosciences.

The young girl was among the 12 people killed when a gunman barged into a crowded Colorado movie theater, set off gas canisters and opened fire as spectators dove for cover. Dozens of others were injured, including the 25-year-old Ashley Moser and six others in critical condition as of Saturday morning.

The victims’ identities have emerged one by one after authorities told their families of their deaths. By late Saturday morning, relatives and family spokesmen had confirmed the identities of half of those who died.

An Air Force statement released Saturday said 29-year-old . Jesse was among the 12 killed.

Childress was a cyber-systems operator at Buckley Air Force Base.

The Air Force says another reservist was treated and released after being wounded at the shootings.
Play Video
Play Video

Video: recount shooting in Aurora, Colo., movie theater during showing of ‘The Rises.’

Colorado authorities have not released the names of those killed in the shootings, but relatives and employers have identified some of them publicly.

One is 27-year-old Matt McQuinn. His family’s attorney, Rob Scott of Dayton, Ohio, said McQuinn was killed after diving in front of his girlfriend and her older brother to shield them from the gunfire. Scott’s account could not be immediately verified.

Jessica Ghawi’s death was a complete shock, her brother said.

For Alex Sullivan, it was to be a weekend of fun: He planned to ring in his 27th birthday with friends at the special midnight showing of “The Dark Knight Rises” and then celebrate his first wedding anniversary on Sunday.

Alex Sullivan died on his 27th birthday.

Late Friday, Sullivan’s family confirmed that police told them he was among those killed.

“He was a very, very good young man,” said Sullivan’s uncle, Joe Loewenguth. “He always had a smile, always made you laugh. He had a little bit of comic in him. Witty, smart. He was loving, had a big heart.”

Micayla Medek, 23, was also among the dead, her father’s cousin, Anita Busch, told the Associated Press.

Busch said the news, while heartbreaking, was a relief for the family after an agonizing day of waiting for news.

“I hope this evil act … doesn’t shake people’s faith in ,” she said.

On Saturday morning, parents of John Larimer released a statement that Navy officials notified them about midnight that their 27-year-old son was one of the 12 killed.

The family said that Larimer’s brother is working with the Navy to take his body home to Crystal Lake, Illinois. He was with a unit that belongs to U.S. Fleet Cyber Command/U.S. Tenth Fleet at Buckley Air Force.

A blogger and aspiring sports reporter who recently wrote of surviving a Toronto shooting was also among those killed, the woman’s brother said.

The death of Jessica Ghawi, who was also known as Jessica Redfield, was a “complete and utter shock,” said her brother, Jordan Ghawi.

He has been using his blog and Twitter account to update what he knew about his sister’s condition. He also appeared on the NBC “Today” show.

Aurora Dan Oates said Friday evening that 10 victims died at the theater and two others later died from their injuries.

Jordan Ghawi said on his website that a man who was with his sister at the theater described the chaos, saying he and Jessica Ghawi dropped to take cover when the gunman first started shooting. Jessica Ghawi was shot in the leg, her brother wrote, describing details relayed to him by a man identified on the blog only as a mutual friend named Brent.

The man was then shot, but he continued attending to Jessica Ghawi’s wound before he realized she had stopped screaming, Jordan Ghawi stated. The man said Jessica Ghawi had been shot in the head.

Jessica Ghawi, 24, moved to Denver from Texas about a year ago and friends and colleagues described her as outgoing, smart and witty.

Ghawi blogged at length about surviving the Eaton Centre mall shooting in Toronto on June 2 that killed two people and sent several others to the hospital.

Jessica Ghawi wrote of the Toronto shooting: “I was shown how fragile life was on Saturday. I saw the terror on bystanders’ faces. I saw the victims of a senseless crime. I saw lives change. I was reminded that we don’t know when or where our time on Earth will end. When or where we will breathe our last breath.”

Various social media reports indicated that Rebecca Wingo was among those deceased but authorities haven’t yet released information about her. According to the Denver Post, her father posted on his Facebook account this morning that Wingo was killed.

14 dead, 50 wounded in shooting at Colorado theater, police chief says

c12a75ed801051384b3a9265ad685ec1 14 dead, 50 wounded in shooting at Colorado theater, police chief says
, 24, was identified by two federal law enforcement officers as the man who opened fire during a screening of “The Rises” at an Aurora, Colorado, theater early Friday. At least 12 people were killed and 38 wounded, Dan Oates said.

STORY HIGHLIGHTS

NEW: Source: The gunman told police he was “the Joker”
The gunman was dressed head-to-toe in black protective gear, the police chief says
The suspected gunman’s apartment is heavily booby-trapped, the police chief says
Police say 12 people were killed and 59 wounded in shooting

() — The man suspected in the mass shooting at an Aurora, Colorado, movie theater screening of the new Batman film early Friday had colored his hair red and told police he was “the Joker,” according to a federal law enforcement source with detailed knowledge of the investigation.

At least 12 people were killed in the rampage and 59 were wounded.

The mug shot of James E. Holmes has not yet been released. Witnesses to the shooting described him as wearing a gas mask that concealed much of his face and head. But the federal law enforcement source’s information about the suspect’s appearance fits with a statement from New York Police Commissioner Ray Kelly, who was briefed by Colorado authorities Friday.

Meanwhile, authorities were faced with the difficult task of entering Holmes’ Aurora apartment, which was left rigged with traps.

“It’s booby-trapped with various incendiary and chemical devices and trip wires,” Aurora Police Chief Dan Oates said, adding that it could take days to work through the apartment safely.

Five buildings around the apartment building were evacuated, Oates said.

Shootings cast pall over ‘Dark Knight Rises’ blockbuster weekend

Police say Holmes, 24, dressed head-to-toe in protective tactical gear, set off two devices of some kind before spraying the theater with bullets from an AR-15 rifle, a 12-gauge shotgun and at least one of two .40-caliber handguns police recovered at the scene.

A law enforcement source said the weapons were purchased legally at sporting goods stores in the Denver area over the past six months.

Oates said investigators are “confident” that Holmes acted alone.

The shooting unfolded inside a packed with Batman fans, some in costume for the premiere of the movie “The Dark Knight Rises.” Screaming, panicked moviegoers scrambled to escape from the black-clad gunman, who wore a gas mask and randomly shot as he walked up the theater’s steps, witnesses said.

It was a scene “straight out of a horror film,” said Chris Ramos, who was inside the theater.

“He was just literally shooting everyone, like hunting season,” Ramos said.

In Aurora, the agonized seek answers through faith

The gunman went to the rear door of Century 16 theater and propped it open, then tossed in a canister before starting to shoot, according to a federal law enforcement source involved in the investigation.

A federal law enforcement official told CNN the man used tear gas, but Oates said Friday afternoon that it was not clear what the substance was.

Holmes surrendered without resistance within seven minutes of the first calls from panicked moviegoers reporting the shooting, Oates said. He is scheduled to appear in court on Monday, court officials said.

Police officers swarming to the theater encountered bloody, groaning victims streaming out of the complex. Others remained inside, many with gruesome injuries, according to recordings of emergency calls with dispatchers.

Victims flooded overwhelmed hospitals. One of the injured is just 4 months old, the child’s mother said. The infant was treated and released from the hospital.

“I don’t know how else to explain it. It’s horrific,” said Tracy Lauzon, director of EMS and trauma services at Aurora Medical Center.

Theater shooting unfolds in real time on social media

Oates said the man was wearing a ballistic helmet and protective gear for his legs, throat and groin, black gloves and a gas mask.

Jennifer Seeger, who survived the attack, said she had seen the man and thought his get-up was part of the entertainment for the film’s debut.

She said the man first shot toward the ceiling, then began shooting at people. He reloaded during his attack, she said.

“He was just literally just massacring anybody that got up that was trying to run away,” Seeger said.

Holmes is scheduled to appear in an Arapahoe County, Colorado, courtroom Monday morning, Rob McCallum, spokesman for the Colorado Judicial Department, said Friday. The court file was sealed, according to a court order.

A statement from Holmes’ family in San Diego asked for “privacy during this difficult time.”

“Our hearts go out to those who were involved in this tragedy and to the families and friends of those involved,” the statement said, adding, “We are still trying to process this information.”

The FBI is assisting in the investigation, officials said.

FBI officials said it did not appear the incident was related to terrorism.

Colorado Gov. John Hickenlooper said the attack was the work of a “very deranged mind.”

“Obviously no words can express the intensity of this tragedy,” he said.

Shooting turns movie into surreal horror: ‘This is real’

President Barack canceled campaign events Friday, telling supporters at what had been scheduled as a rally in Fort Myers, Florida, that “there will be other days for politics.”

“This will be a day for prayer and reflection,” he said, calling for the country to unite as one and support the victims.

“Such violence, such evil is senseless. It is beyond reason,” he said before ending the event to return to Washington.

Flags at the White House were lowered to half-staff Friday afternoon in honor of the victims.

Aspiring sports reporter feared dead in shooting

CNN iReporter Adam Witt, who was in the theater, said it took a few gunshots before he figured out what was going on.

“I hit the floor and hid behind the seats in front of me, pulling my wife down to hide with me,” Witt said. “It was the longest minute of my life. The gunshots just kept coming. I knew it could be over any second. I knew my wife could be gone any second. It was absolutely surreal. I felt something hit my left arm, and my first thought was, ‘At least it’s just my arm.’”

“There were so many people running,” he said. “I didn’t look back. I just remember getting up from the floor and shouting, ‘We have to run.’”

Witt said he held his wife’s hand as they rushed out of the theater.

“There was a moment where I lost her hand, but I grabbed her shirt,” he said. “We didn’t let go of each other.”

Quentin Caldwell, who was attending a screening in the adjacent theater, said he wasn’t sure at first what was going on when he heard a “pop, pop, pop, pop” sound.

“We really didn’t know something was happening until someone came from the left entrance and said we should not go outside because somebody with a gun was out there,” he said.

Armed guards appeared at the theater exit and demanded audience members raise their arms to ensure they were not carrying weapons, then told them to run, Caldwell said.

Timeline: Worst mass shootings in U.S.

Officers rushed many of the wounded to hospitals in their patrol cars.

Police initially said 14 people had died — 10 in the theater and four at area hospitals — but revised the death toll to 12 later , according to Aurora Police Lt. Jad Lanigan. The initial injury count of 38 was revised upward to 59 Friday afternoon.

Several people remained in at hospitals.

It may take hours or even days to clear Holmes’ apartment, Oates said.

Investigators looking into a window with a camera have seen a sophisticated booby-trap with trip wires connecting incendiary and chemical devices, he said.

Oates said he has never seen anything like it.

A woman who lives across the street from the suspect’s apartment said police evacuated her building around 4 a.m.

“They told us there was a bomb or bomb material located in the house across the street from us.” Rebecca Bradshaw said.

Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms agents were involved in the apartment search, agency spokesman Tom Mangan said.

In addition to looking into the possibility of explosives, ATF agents are conducting emergency traces on the weapons to see how they were obtained, Mangan said.

A law enforcement source said two of the guns were purchased at a Bass Pro Shop in Denver, while the two others were bought at separate Gander Mountain Guns outlets in the area. Investigators also found a drum magazine, capable of carrying 100 rounds of ammunition, which was attached to the AR-15 rifle, two law enforcement officials said.

Authorities also searched the suspect’s car in the parking lot of the movie theater.

Opinion: Gun control won’t stop mass murder

Warner Bros., the studio behind the movie, said the company and filmmakers were “deeply saddened” to learn of the incident. The studio canceled the movie’s Paris premiere, while New York police Commissioner Raymond Kelly said his officers would watch over screenings of “The Dark Knight” in the city to prevent copycat shootings.

911 tape: ‘I need somebody to shut this movie off’

Aurora, a Denver suburb, is about 13 miles from Littleton, Colorado — site of the April 1999 massacre.

In that incident, two teenage students, Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris, armed themselves with guns and bombs and shot people inside the high school. They killed 13 and wounded 23 before killing themselves.

First kisses: the new rules

c5f97e0f72b6ba0821ec0fc18baef7c8 First kisses: the new rules

(Phatforums News / .com) — Your lips touch for the first time and the earth moves. The angels sing…or, at least, that’s what you hope will happen, right? The reality is, anticipating that first can be one of the most exciting and nerve-wracking moments in your dating life. So much hangs in the balance: Will your date like how you kiss? Will there be chemistry? Does this person even want to lock lips with you in the first place?

As a educator, I’ve helped thousands of singles and couples navigate this tricky first-kiss terrain. And don’t worry, there are many ways to pull it off with ease while letting your date know there’s plenty more where that came from. Here’s how:

Secret #1: Time it right
The most common question I get about is this: When should I do the deed? An understandable concern. No one wants to make the move too soon and get the dreaded -turn, and yet, if you wait too long it sends the that you’re not interested or that you lack confidence. So when should you dive in? Most women I’ve spoken to say it should happen on the first or second date — provided you don’t wait until that very end when you’re standing in her . That’s too predictable, awkward and likely to be framed by those “Umm, I had a really good time…” comments. Instead, go for something sexier and more spontaneous. Says Missy Barcic, of New Vernon, NJ: “A has to have something that’s dynamic to it. Surprise me, catch me off-guard. That’s passion.” And creative, which earns bonus points, too. Women have told me about incredible kisses happening on the way into a restaurant (getting it out of the way early), across a dinner table, in a movie theater (during the opening credits), or just , when the guy “noticed” that there was a romantic full moon overhead.

Secret #2: Guys and girls can
Some people think that a guy has the responsibility to initiate a first kiss. But what I’ve heard over and over again from men is this: They love, love, love it when a woman makes the first move. “My best first kiss was when my now- just went for it. We were standing in the kitchen, getting ready to go out, and all of a sudden she just pushed me against the wall and we sort of melted into each other,” recalls Tao Nguyen of Washington, D.C. Guys love knowing that they’re wanted, so go ahead, girls, give him a break and go for it. One woman I interviewed did this with fabulous results. “After our third date, we stayed up talking until 4 a.m. and still no kiss!” she says. “So at the very beginning of our fourth date, I walked into his apartment and instead of saying, hello, I kissed him — and we wound up making out for hours. Sometimes I wonder if I hadn’t given him that first kiss if we’d even be together today. He assures me that he would have gotten around to it, but I am glad that I took charge. It gave me kind of a rush.”

Secret #3: Leave the other person wanting more
Sure, you want your first kiss to be passionate, but that doesn’t mean rough or messy. As one woman put it, “The worst first kiss is an aggressive kiss. If a guy does that, I tell him that I have to be at work early in the morning to cut things short.” Aggressive kissing communicates that you’re overeager, which can convince someone to put on the brakes. Give the recipient some air — and he or shee will be raring for more. “The one time I kissed a guy for the first time I made sure to pull away after a few seconds,” recalls one woman. “It was great, since it gave me a second to look into his eyes and silently ask, ‘Is this okay? You liking this?’ before we dove back in. If we hadn’t hit pause, I would never have known whether he was just kissing me to not be rude.”

Secret #4: You’ll win points for being romantic
While a standard first kiss can be great, the men and women I’ve spoken with always remember — longingly — the ones that had an extra maneuver that heightened the romance factor. Usually, these are little moves that ramp up the sensuality of a kiss. For instance, Samara O’Shea of New York, NY, recalls a great first kiss in which her guy “put his index finger gently on my chin to guide my mouth toward his — it was so sexy.” And Lori Conte, of Providence, RI, shares this moment: “My boyfriend first kissed me softly on my neck, worked his way up to my ear and then my mouth — that pretty much blew me away.” Guys also love this kind of thing: Dan Allen, of San Antonio, TX, says, “One of my best-ever first kisses was when my date gently raked her nails through my hair — that get my nerve endings revved in an unexpected way.” So feel free to add a little extra bit of romance with techniques like these.

Secret #5: You won’t win points for being weird
While playing with your date’s hair or ear may be great, please don’t go out on a limb in the name of originality. A 38-year-old married woman put it this way: “The first time my now-husband kissed me, he licked my face, kind of like a dog. I thought, What the heck is this? Believe me, I thought twice about ever seeing this guy again… I still tease him about it today by calling him ‘puppy lips.’”

So there are two lessons to this story: Originality isn’t always a good thing when it comes to first kisses, but — if there’s enough of a connection there — even the worst of first kisses can be forgiven.

Sari Locker is a relationship educator, TV personality, and author of The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Being Sexy. She was the host of Late Date with Sari on Lifetime Television. Her website is www.sarilocker.com.

Breakups Suck, Especially When Your Ex Doesn’t Respect the Boundaries

5b16db08488caee984f670e98b888850 Breakups Suck, Especially When Your Ex Doesn’t Respect the Boundaries

( News / The Frisky) —Relationships end. It’s a fact of , an emotional hazard, a consequence of dabbling in amore. And alas, at some point in time, you’re 99 percent likely to feel the ratcheted effects of having a .

You’ll go through whatever rituals and mini-pity parties you need to wade through to get over it and then, when you’re finally, finally done running through boxes of and putting your slow song soundtrack on constant repeat, you’ll come out stronger.

But it almost goes without saying that you won’t want your ex all up in your space for a long, long time.

And if you do have an accidental encounter, it’ll be awkward — as demonstrated by and Ashton Kutcher’s little post-breakup run-in at a restaurant a few weeks ago. You can part ways with the man, but who gets custody of all of your old haunts? Your ? Your laundry spot? Your ? Your apartment complex?

And if you do have an accidental encounter, it’ll be awkward — as demonstrated by Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher’s little post-breakup run-in at a restaurant a few weeks ago. You can part ways with the man, but who gets custody of all of your old haunts? Your favorite bar? Your laundry spot? Your movie theater? Your apartment complex?

I cringed when I read one blogger’s account of an ex moving in right next door to her. How, in all five boroughs of New York City, does an end up in your mickey flickey neighborhood, let alone living right next door? Ay, caramba.

I’m not sure how you come to an agreement about who gets to be where and at what time in order to alleviate the possibility of running into your used-to-be. But she does make one very valid, very important, very learned-from-personal-experience observation: establishing physical boundaries doesn’t keep you from thinking about him and going through all kinds of self-designed to avoid him really only prolongs the inevitable that you will run into him.

You think he might show up at Friday’s so guess what? You don’t go to Friday’s. He might be at a mutual friend’s going away party, so you let Hallmark bid your pal adieu instead of saying it face-to-face. You know his routine well enough to be almost positive he’ll ride a certain train, so you let two or three pass in hopes of missing the very one he’s riding on.

Meanwhile, homeboy is going on with his life, free and clear. No calculations, considerations, or hoop-jumping involved. He just goes where he wants to go when he wants to get there.

It seems that, in trying to dodge the possibility of having to lay eyes on the man who can make your heart swoon and ache in a singular beat, redesigning your life to avoid him only drags out the annoying habit of thinking about him longer than you should.

NHL tough guys face ‘emotionally taxing’ pressure

837b5e11a2f3f2eabeb268762806182f NHL tough guys face ‘emotionally taxing’ pressure
MONTREAL- APRIL 20: NHL Linesman Tony Sericolo #84 restrains Georges Laraque #17 of the with play stopped during Game Three of the Eastern Conference Quarterfinals of the 2009 Stanley Cup Playoffs against the at the on April 20, 2009 in Montreal, Quebec, Canada. The Bruins defeated the Canadiens 4-2. (Photo by Richard Wolowicz/) *** Local Caption *** Tony Sericolo;Georges Laraque
(April 20, 2009 – Photo by Richard Wolowicz/ North America)

(PhatzRadio / ) – The role of an is to protect his brethren and dole out punishment if liberties are taken with them.

“This is the guy who always has to be looking out for his teammates, watching the game and deciding, ‘OK, is that a wrong in a game that I have to right?’” former general manager Craig Button says. “He’s always looking out for his teammates. My question is: Who looks out for the enforcer?”

That is the question of the moment in this summer of sadness for the NHL. Three tough guys — two current, one retired — are dead. The latest is , found Wednesday in a in Toronto.

STORY: AP reports Wade Belak’s death was suicide
PHOTOS: Wade Belak’s career
MORE: Researchers studying Boogaard’s brain

Georges Laraque, a retired NHL enforcer, knows what it’s like to live by your . He says the job comes with terrible, debilitating pressure. Laraque doesn’t know if that pressure played a part in any of these shocking deaths, but he thinks it is likely.

“People realize more and more how tough the job is, mentally,” he says. “It’s the demons. This job, you got to fight the demons constantly. What we’re talking about is the mental part of knowing that day in and day out you might have to fight. You think about it. You think about the next guy.

“You could be in a , but you’re not really watching the movie, because you’re thinking about the game tomorrow and how you might have to fight. After that game is over, the next game it’s the same. Some people, they can’t deal with that stuff.”

Belak, 35, retired from the in March after being waived the month before. A person familiar with the investigation into his death told The Associated Press that Belak hanged himself; the person spoke on condition of anonymity because details of the investigation are confidential.

“I was in shock because Wade was such a positive guy,” Laraque says. “He was the last guy I would have thought of. Nobody understands.”

New York Rangers enforcer Derek Boogaard, 28, died May 13 of an accidental mixture of alcohol and oxycodone. , 27, newly signed by the Winnipeg Jets, died on Aug. 15 at his home in Alberta; he had suffered from depression for years and police called his death “sudden and non-suspicious.”

Stu Grimson, a former NHL enforcer and an attorney in Nashville, spoke to USA TODAY before Belak’s death.

“As physically taxing as” the tough-guy role is, Grimson says, “it’s also emotionally taxing. It can weigh pretty heavy on you. I have heard people say it’s the toughest job in pro sports. But I will say this: I don’t know Derek or Rick well enough to know if that was a struggle for them, if the role weighed heavy on them.”

Boogaard suffered multiple concussions during his years in . Post-concussion syndrome can lead to drug and alcohol abuse, though it is not clear if that could have been a factor in his case. His final game was Dec. 9 at Ottawa, when his season ended prematurely after he sustained a concussion and a shoulder injury in a fight with the Senators’ Matt Carkner.

Boogaard’s family donated his brain to Boston University, where researchers previously discovered two deceased NHL enforcers —Bob Probert and Reggie Fleming — showed signs of chronic traumatic encephalopathy, a degenerative brain disease. Probert was 45 when he died last summer; Fleming was 73 when he died in 2009.

96264a68226433d264a98ff2860909c9 NHL tough guys face ‘emotionally taxing’ pressure
Former Chicago Blackhawks and Detroit Red Wings player Bob Probert (C) drops the puck for the cermonial face off between Jonathan Toews #19 (R) of the Chicago Blackhawks and Chris Chelios #24 of the Detroit Red Wings during Game Four of the Western Conference Championship Round of the 2009 Stanley Cup Playoffs on May 24, 2009 at the United Center in Chicago, Illinois. (Photo by Jonathan Daniel/Getty Images) *** Local Caption *** Bob Probert;Chris Chelios;Jonathan Toews
(May 24, 2009 – Photo by Jonathan Daniel/Getty Images North America)

Stu Grimson, right, fights Bob Probert, who died last year at 45. Grimson says he wouldn’t be surprised if science finds “that a substantial or prolonged career in the role of enforcer has a high correlation to traumatic brain disease.”

Grimson says if it turns out that the science eventually shows “that a substantial or prolonged career in the role of enforcer has a high correlation to traumatic brain disease, that’s not going to come as a surprise to anybody.”

Still, Belak often told people that he had never had even one concussion, according to his colleague Pete Weber, TV voice of the Predators. Belak began to work for the Predators’ TV and radio broadcasts after his retirement; he was supposed to work the broadcasts on a regular basis this season.

Leaving the sport

Belak was facing his first season away from a dressing rooom in almost 20 years. He started his junior career in Saskatoon of the Western Hockey League in 1992-93. He made his NHL debut with Colorado in 1995-96.

Former Tom Laidlaw, now a player agent, recalls the sadness of leaving the game: “I remember I was kind of scared. One of the things you like about playing is being around the guys. You go away in the summer, but you know you are coming back in the fall. When you stop playing, you realize you aren’t going to be around the guys anymore.”

Like Belak, Laidlaw stepped immediately into a new career, but he still remembers feeling a bit lost because he wasn’t an NHL player anymore.

“People say Wade was a funny guy, and I didn’t know him,” Laidlaw says. “But I can tell you that tough guys wouldn’t say if they had any (problems). That’s part of the culture. They would rather make jokes than admit anything was wrong.”

Paul Henry, a Canadian-based sports psychologist who works with NHL players, points out Belak had a sudden end to his career last season.

“He takes the role of a color commentator, but it’s a different role,” he says. “Everyone that retires tells you they miss the dressing room the most. There is a dependency on the other players and there is a dependency on the energy that being a hockey player brings.”

Henry includes Probert’s death last summer when he says: “Is there anything more telling than four deaths of four special people in a year? Is there any louder message? … If fighting is a part of a reason why these players all passed. … I don’t know.”

Henry knew Belak and calls him “an engaging guy. But for every effect, there is a cause. If you wanted to look closely you could pinpoint the cause, but no one wants to look closely enough.”

Tough guys are fan favorites

The NHL has made rules against blindside hits to cut down on concussions; is it time to ban fighting for the same reason?

“The blindside hit, as the label implies, occurs to somebody who is vulnerable and unsuspecting,” Grimson says. “If you look across the aisle at two willing combatants who are engaged in a hockey fight, you’ve got two guys who understand the risks fully and accept those risks as they shake the gloves off and get into it. You don’t hear that part of the hockey community crying out and saying, ‘Hey, you’ve got to protect us.’ It would be a peculiar situation if you did.”

Belak was a fan favorite in Nashville, though he did not get much ice time, a pattern found in many hockey cities.

“It’s almost like the hockey tough guys, I’d say almost universally turn out to be the most likable guys on the club,” Weber says. “My best friends in hockey are Rob Ray, Brad May, Matt Barnaby and Larry Playfair. Wade didn’t play that much here, but his popularity was incredible.”

Weber says Belak often interviewed former teammates for a TV segment called Wade’s World. “There was a lot of Steve Allen in him, man in the street stuff in the dressing room, with some offbeat and oftentimes hilarious interviews with them, not knowing what was going to come out next,” Weber says. “He had really begun the transition process before he got to us with stuff on Leafs TV when he was in Toronto. He came here essentially as a guy who said, ‘OK, I’ll be your enforcer and then I’m ready to go into broadcasting.’”

Laraque says he hears some people say that perhaps fighting in hockey should be banned. He thinks that is exactly the wrong approach because that would only increase the pressure on enforcers as their jobs disappeared.

The NHL’s enforcers often know one another and over time many of them become friends. Henry, the psychologist, says that increases the pressure on them.

“Big time,” he says. “Who the hell wants to beat up their best friend?”

League looking into deaths

NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman and executive director Don Fehr issued a joint statement Thursday expressing profound sadness.

“While the circumstances of each case are unique, these tragic events cannot be ignored,” the statement says. “We are committed to examining, in detail, the factors that may have contributed to these events, and to determining whether concrete steps can be taken to enhance player welfare and minimize the likelihood of such events taking place.

“Our organizations are committed to a thorough evaluation of our existing assistance programs and practices and will make immediate modifications and improvements to the extent they are deemed warranted.”

Button, who was GM in Calgary when Belak played there, says he doesn’t know what correlation there is among these three deaths, if there even is one.

“But we have to find out what the links are,” he says. “I’m talking more about the stresses, the pressure and the emotional part of it. You look at the NHL and NHLPA behavioral program. They have very high-end professionals. Those are the people who have to determine what the links are.”

Laraque isn’t sure high-end professionals are the answer. He suggests current enforcers and those recently retired should have the resource of being able to talk to long-retired tough guys who have lived through the tough times.

“There’s already a program in the NHLPA to help people with depression and all that stuff,” Laraque says. “But because professional sports is an ego job, they don’t want to go see a counselor or a doctor that has a PhD and all that stuff, because you don’t like to talk to people and admit that you have a problem. We’re invincible. We don’t like to show weakness. That’s the way it is. But even tough guys have weakness.

“The best way to solve that problem is to have committees of former players who have done that job before. It’s much easier to talk to a former player who’s done that job and been in that position than to talk to some shrink that did his PhD at some Harvard University and thinks that he knows it all when he’s never fought in his life.”

NHL tough guys face ‘emotionally taxing’ pressure is a post from: PhatzRadio.com

 NHL tough guys face ‘emotionally taxing’ pressure

help NHL tough guys face ‘emotionally taxing’ pressure
009b06f38695de0d0d383c24bf894a9e NHL tough guys face ‘emotionally taxing’ pressure
help NHL tough guys face ‘emotionally taxing’ pressure
1df4af0e6e8f900d91267ca68edfd555 NHL tough guys face ‘emotionally taxing’ pressure
help NHL tough guys face ‘emotionally taxing’ pressure
7f14bbf0b0c13fca3af83ff82c0b71ca NHL tough guys face ‘emotionally taxing’ pressure
help NHL tough guys face ‘emotionally taxing’ pressure
7c7d24e16ce9807a51c9caae4d336d4f NHL tough guys face ‘emotionally taxing’ pressure
help NHL tough guys face ‘emotionally taxing’ pressure
91aee22704ce22d64901b00c11bedef5 NHL tough guys face ‘emotionally taxing’ pressure

325472601571f31e1bf00674c368d335 NHL tough guys face ‘emotionally taxing’ pressure

Do Not Underestimate the Power of a Kiss

783e8b1591613d13a43b9290e45943cb Do Not Underestimate the Power of a Kiss

( News/ The Stir) - A survey has found that one in five married couples only kiss once a week, and that when they do, it’s for less than five seconds. When you break it down by age groups, it’s no surprise that the younger couples are smooching the most: Those asked between ages 18 to 24 say they kiss their partner on average 11 times a week. But when you look at the older kids, the study found that only 5 percent of those over 45 lock lips more than 30 times a week.

The benefits of kissing should not be underestimated, my fellow . Not only do we romantically bond with the old smoocheroos, but kissing also helps boost our moods, our immune system, our , and, yeah, our facial muscle strength.

Remember that scene in Pretty Woman where Julia Roberts explains that she doesn’t kiss on the lips because it’s too personal? If you’re a prostitute, then, agreed, but if you’re with your loved one, there’s nothing more important than making your personal. It’s time to swap like you’re teenagers again in the back row at a .

Experts say kissing gets our blood pumping, in a good way. Kissing sets the mood, which paves the way for things to get more sexy. And sexy time is great for couples, in case you didn’t know.

Kissing not only boosts our spirit and our connection with our partner, but bonus! It strengthens our , too. Feeling a little saggy? Forget . Start sucking face. It also boosts our immunity — passing bugs back and forth with your husband is a great way to strengthen your body’s defenses. Seriously! And it relaxes us — kissing releases both oxytocin and in our brains, making us feel calm and happy.

So many of us are bogged down with work and those damn details in life that seem to leave us for more than a quick peck before running out the door each morning, and a sleepy peck before turning out the light at night. We’re missing so many make-out opportunities, it’s ridiculous. What are we waiting for? Let’s all pucker up.

Hot Summer Dates That’ll Keep You Cool

eb38f931ca818a55e8d811a7f956cefa Hot Summer Dates Thatll Keep You Cool

( Blog/ The Nest) - Beat the heat, but keep date night sizzling with these sexy ideas from TheNest.com.

Share a Cold Shower
Who cares if you can only fit one person in there? each other up with some vanilla bath gel and you won’t mind being in such .

Strip Down
Challenge your mate to a two-person game of strip poker. Shedding layers is a guaranteed way to cool off, and with just the two of you playing, you’ll be in the buff in no time. Add a twist: Whoever keeps their clothes on the longest gets to call the shots during the postgame (wink, wink).

Clean Your Cars
Make a date in the driveway to get dirty washing your cars. Then help cool each other off with the hose. C’mon, you know the car could use a fresh coat of wax. Besides: You + your soaked partner + soap suds + water = sexy.

Skinny-Dip
Still sweltering after the sun goes down? Heat up your evening with a dip in the ocean, lake or pool — sans clothing. It doesn’t get much than swimming in the nude.

Share a Frozen Treat
Split an ice cream cone, Popsicle or push-pop, and take turns giving it a lick. So simple, yet so sexy.

Catch a Flick
There are few cooler places in the summer than a . Okay, so seeing any old movie may feel more generic than sexy — but not if you choose your film right. Think: A History of Violence, Unfaithful, Risky Business — and for the sexiest flicks of summer 2011, our money’s on Thor (at least for the ladies), Water for Elephants and Last Night. Or crank up the AC and enjoy one of the sexy standbys (see above) from the privacy of your .

Slip ‘N Slide
This summertime game isn’t just for kids. Diving headfirst down a wet, slippery slide is fun for all ages, and sharing a few laughs together can be a major turn-on — especially when you’re both all … well, wet and slippery.