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What Should Be On Your Love Checklist?

May 20, 2013 By Leave a Comment

2e4c731f4994ad7795517ab9791d6d4b What Should Be On Your Love Checklist?

(PhatzNewsRoom / BlackDoctor.org) — Philosophers, clinicians, researchers, and theologians have all had their say about what is and what isn’t.

People are quick to throw all of terms and theories when they are feeling “warm and fuzzy” or need a for why they did not do what they are supposed to do in their intimate .

As a , family, and therapist and educator, I’ve noticed that many of my clients either do not have a /love checklist or if they have one, they allow their boundaries to become blurred when they begin to have amorous .

Here are a few “relationship/love” tips you should consider before entering into your next romantic encounter:

1. Be happy with yourself and be ready to be in a relationship.

There are three essential components to being happy and ready to be in a relationship:

A. Identify what you need to be happy with yourself.
B. Identify what you may need to do to enable your partner to be happy.
C. Identify what your expectations are of being in a relationship.

Being “ready” to be in a relationship means that you are physically, emotionally, intimately, and spiritually open to sharing who you are with someone else.

Likewise, you also need to be receptive to who you partner is and where he/she is at across all four of those dimensions. Many people want to be in love or in a relationship but most people either aren’t ready, or ready to have a partner who is ready.

2. Never forget how special you are.

If your partner minimizes, negates or judges you as a person, or your actions, you may want to proceed with …or not at all. Sometimes we fall in love with people at the expense of forgetting/neglecting who we are. Instead, it’s important to be with someone who doesn’t prevent us from remembering and honoring those traits that allow us to be the special individuals that we were put on this to be.

3. Take your time.

Too often when begin relationships, they don’t take enough time getting to know one another across different contexts. People behave differently in front of their peers, their families, and their co-workers, and it is important to have an understanding of how they interact with the different people in their different circles.

Moreover, people behave differently over time. The way that a person treats his/her parents today may be significantly different from the way that he/she may have interacted with his/her parents growing up. One of your relationship tasks is to allow the relationship to move slowly enough to learn who you are really are giving your heart to.

Here are seven additional traits that you may want to add to your love/relationship checklist. Remember, it is important that you define what all of these mean to you personally.

1. Companionship: How much time do you want to spend with your love interest? What will you do when you two are together? Apart?

2. Honesty: Honesty by open disclosure or by soliciting for responses?

3. Trust: How dependable/predictable are you? How predictable/dependable should your partner be?

4. Openness: How open/flexible are you? How open/flexible do you want your partner to be?

5. Reciprocity: Do you expect for your partner to give to you as you give to him/her?

6. Good communication: Does your partner share what is REALLY going on with him/her? Do you share? Do either of you listen?

7. Considerate: How considerate/attentive are you to your partner’s feelings? Should he/she be as considerate or attentive of yours?

Feel free to include your relationship/love checklist items as well. GOOD LUCK!!!

By Dr. James Wadley, BDO Relationship Expert

Dr. James Wadley is an Associate Professor and Director of the Master of Human Services Program at Lincoln University. He is a licensed professional counselor and marriage, family, and sexuality therapist in the States of Pennsylvania and New Jersey. His book, “The Lost and Found Box”, addresses the need for individuals to rediscover happiness. You can learn more about him at drjameswadley.com.

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Should You Break Up?

April 17, 2013 By Leave a Comment

74adcdf3216861c3112960e2035b052a Should You Break Up?

(PhatzNewsRoom / BlackDoctor.org) — A partner is meant to provide , support and help you to evolve as an individual and a couple. But when you find a lacking, or as a and , it may be time consider other options.

After deep soul-searching, you may come to realize that for your own well-being you may need to step away from the relationship. Once you’ve admitted this to yourself you may be flooded by fear, , or . How do you know you’re ? And what steps do you take to get there?

Here are nine tips to get out of a mediocre relationship and reclaim your life.

1. First and foremost, you have to be honest with yourself.

If you are even considering whether you should get out of a relationship, chances are something has been happening for to make you feel upset. Ask yourself some basic questions like:

Do I feel energized or drained after I spent an hour with my partner?
Do I want to spend time with him/her or do I feel like I have to?
Do I go to my partner looking for a response that I never get?
Do I come away consistently disappointed by his/her comments and behavior?
I giving way more to the relationship than my partner?

If most of the answers to these questions are ‘yes’, maybe it is time to look after your own emotional needs.

2. Clarify the problems by keeping a record.

If you are still undecided whether you should get out of this relationship, start keeping a record of things in this relationship that make you feel consistently bad. It could be that you are weak and scared of striking out on your own or a feeling of worthlessness and that you are suffering from. If you find your emotional log consistently featuring negative self-perception, then you can be pretty sure you are caught up in a bad relationship.

3. Figure out what’s keeping you there.

All , even unhappy ones, offer certain perks or else why would anyone continue to put up with them. So consider that could be keeping you tied to your partner; it could be, for instance, the security you share even though there is no love or it could be that your partner make you feel attractive and sexy again even though this doesn’t keep him/her from disrespecting you or putting you down always. Determining what, specifically, you are getting from this relationship will help you to gauge if the perks are worth the constant unhappiness and perhaps help you find other sources of self-validation.

4. Assemble a support team.

Ending a relationship is one of the loneliest experiences and there is no reason why you should have to go through it alone. So as you start the, invest time and effort in building a close circle of family and friends who will provide you with emotional support as well as a positive outlook. Reach out to them and ask for help through these difficult times. Chances are that people close to you already know how unhappy you are in your present relationship. Don’t hesitate to surround yourself with people who really care about you.

5. Just do it.

Once you are emotionally ready to put an end the relationship, give it to them straight. Unless you fear for your physical safety, do it personally – breaking up by email, text or even over the phone should be avoided as far as possible. Just in case, prepare yourself for an emotional outburst or even emotional blackmail from your partner in an attempt to keep you back. Express yourself in a calm, precise manner and then allow him/her to respond. Hear whatever they have to say but don’t get trapped in accusations, counter-accusations and justifications. Keep in mind that you have made your decision and are here simply to let them know.

6. Allow yourself time to grieve.

Even if the move to get out of the relationship has come from you, it is sure to bring its share of pain. So allow yourself a few days to feel sad. Pull down the blinds, put on some soulful music and have a good cry. Do whatever is necessary to work the misery out of your system. But please avoid drinking binges, drug-taking or any other risk-taking behavior. Everything will be just fine.

7. Give yourself a treat.

Many a time it is difficult to leave an unhappy relationship – opting out seems too much effort and it is easier to lapse back into the way things were. In order to prevent this from happening, reward yourself with something nice after each stage of getting out. For instance if you have been able to go on a whole week without calling or mailing your recent ex, treat yourself to a brunch at your favorite restaurant.

8. Keep your schedule booked.

One of the best ways to leave behind an unhappy relationship is to stay busy. Even the otherwise mind-numbing routine of a domestic life – taking out the trash, shopping for supplies, filling up the gas tank – can motivate you to continue with your regular life and thus come out of your house, instead of giving way to loneliness and depression. Stay moving. Keep your head up.

9. Don’t go looking for a rebound.

Once out of an unhappy relationship, you may be eager to get back to dating scene. But remember, rebound affairs never work because you are just not emotionally ready for a new relationship. And even if you are not serious about it yourself, it’s not fair to the other person who may not be aware of your real . It’s best to make sure you healed before you get back out there. Take your time.

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6 Simple Ways To Spring Clean Your Dating Life Right Now

April 10, 2013 By Leave a Comment

8b0ecf1c309432372ce0c3078edaa928 6 Simple Ways To Spring Clean Your Dating Life Right Now

(PhatzNewsRoom / The Frisky) — About two years ago, I was going through a dating crisis of I’m-going-to-die-alone and sought help from a therapist who specialized in that sort of thing. She gave me all these rules I should be following to help me find . Like, she told me I should date at least at once and tell each of the guys on date number two that I was dating other people. Then, she instructed me to wait for two to and decide which one I liked the best and dump the other two. This is not something I ever would have considered doing on my own, but because I was blaming myself for being single, I was willing to try it her way. Following her advice, I cancelled plans with guy #1 — who I really liked — because guy #2 had asked me out for a drink and I felt obligated. I arrived at the “date” with guy #2 only to discover that without even asking me, he had invited 12 of his closest friends to join us. Long story short (because the rest is pretty lame), the night ended with me crying in a cab on the way home from feeling like about myself because even following an expert’s rules, I couldn’t date “right.”

Anyhow, this long, tear-filled cab ride helped me realize that there is no “right” way to do anything and that I should stop following other people’s advice and start following my . That was really the only dating I was making. Duh. Not long after that, I decided to clean my love basement, if you will. I emailed guy #2 and told him he was an ass. I dumped guy #1 and, shortly after, the therapist. Then I went through my phone and deleted all three of their numbers. It felt amazing. I didn’t meet anyone special for a while still after that, but it was a definite turning point for me from hating dating, to embracing it.

So, to recap: there really are no dating mistakes you can make, only mistakes you can make about the way you think about dating. In honor of Spring CleaningWeek, here are some things you can do to put yourself in a clearer, more receptive head space for love.

1. Having a “type.” We all have preferences about what we’re attracted to. But when we get too locked into dating say, dark-haired, tattooed musicians who are well-read, we’re discounting a whole wealth of other men who might be great. When it comes to really clicking with someone, it’s all about that wild card X-factor. And you really never know who you’re going to have that with. So remember, it’s not about a look or a list of personality traits, you’re looking for a feeling. Go out with a short, non-tattooed accountant and just see what happens.

2. Trying too hard. If you’re like me, you think you can make things better by trying harder. I mean, it makes perfect sense. That’s how I’ve handled every other obstacle in my life; by working harder. The same principle doesn’t apply to dating. Take a time out and try doing NOTHING AT ALL. You don’t need to flirt with anyone at the bar. Give yourself permission to sit back and let the worthwhile ones find you. It’s liberating.

3. Playing too hard to get. When we go on bad dates with shitbirds over and over again for a long period of time, we start to assume that everyone is a shitbird. We get defensive and expect the worst from people. I know, I’ve been there. This is a normal human reaction to shitbirdery. But sometimes it keeps us from recognizing when someone worthy of our time is tapping on our window. So for instance, when you go on a date with a nice dude who sends you a text message telling you he had a good time, don’t start imaging all the ways he’s going to screw you over and go out of your way to make him prove himself to you. Each new person deserves the benefit of the doubt.

4. Saying yes to dates you don’t want to go on. Fuck that. You don’t have to go out with anyone unless you feel like it. End of story.

5. Negative talk. Watch what you say about your love life because what we say has power. Stop telling everyone you meet how unlucky in love you are and how you’ll die alone and all the other things single people need to stop saying. Try — just try — to keep it positive as an experiment.

6. Indulging guys that you know are wrong for you. Sometimes a complete, deep cleaning of the basement is in order. There might be guys lurking around down there that you’ve needed to sweep away for years now, but because of , or whatever, you continue to entertain the idea of them. It’s time to say bye to the guy you sleep with occasionally when you’re feeling lonely or the ex you text every time you have a bad date. These people — as special as they might have once been to you– are clutter from your dating past. Look ahead to your future by acknowledging that these romantic interactions aren’t right for you.

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6 Signs Your Marriage Is Rock Solid

April 4, 2013 By Leave a Comment

7378e24fc2ffa0452f45cb50ed6f88a4 6 Signs Your Marriage Is Rock Solid

(PhatzNewsRoom / The Stir) — We talk a lot here about marriages that end and marriages that go bad. We talk about cheating and lying and all kinds of crappy things that men do to women and women do right back to men. But it’s not all bad.

Some marriages are actually rock solid. I would say the grand majority of the marriages I see on any given day are strong and the two people are committed both to each other and to their children. Do I sound overly optimistic? I’m not. I understand things can go bad. I have seen many, many bad marriages. But I have also seen a of great ones. I asked around and came up with 6 your is actually rock solid. Here they are:

He is the you want to call when you have good news: I can’t imagine ever wanting to talk to anyone more than my husband when I get a promotion or a raise or a good review or something sweet from a friend. He is it. He is my and my favorite .

Your idea of a “date night” involves him and the : If just together alone sounds dreamy to you, no matter what you are doing, you are probably still in and probably in a great marriage.

You fantasize about a weekend alone with him: A lot of women can’t wait to get AWAY from their man. If you still salivate at the idea of alone time with no kids bugging you and unrestricted access to his , then yes. I am thinking you are still pretty solid.

He still makes you laugh more than anyone: I will say until the day I die that the key to a good marriage is laughter. You must also want to see one another naked, but laugh a lot first. It makes everything all better. Promise.

Even though you have been together forever, the smell of his neck is still amazing: , you are still in love.

When he is away, you still curl up on your side of the bed: You miss him in the bed and would not dream of taking his spot.

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6 Dating Tips That Might Sound Crazy But Really Work

March 18, 2013 By Leave a Comment

7e2f455cf7dc6de7f6c970d9be74afde 6 Dating Tips That Might Sound Crazy But Really Work

(PhatzNewsRoom / The Stir) — Dating can be an unappetizing stew of , , and dashed hopes no matter where you do it. But it can be all of that with a dash of psychosis and the desire to never ever hear the word “date” again if you’re doing it in a place like . So it’s no wonder that, by the time a woman or man gets to be a and ’t found “the one” yet, he or she can be “commited to dying alone” — as a friend of mine recently put it. However, there are some success stories. A friend of mine recently got married in her 40s. The media would have us believe the odds of that are nil. But my friend followed some basic — yet kinda crazy — rules.

Here are six ways to not let the get you down.

Never get bitter. No matter how many stories my friend told me about awful guys who dumped her for baffling reasons, or who simply disappeared one day, or who turned out to be total jerkwads, she never let it get her down. She still considered love and something she could have and would have. She still smiled, still laughed, and still flirted, and still dated. She still LIKED men.

Don’t let them waste your time. That said, my friend gave guys a year at most. If it didn’t seem seriously like it was moving towards marriage after that, she cut them loose no matter how much she liked them or how much they promised things would get serious soon.

Each man is a . My friend’s motto all during her was, “One man doesn’t deserve to be punished for what another man did.” No matter how egregious a boyfriend behaved, she never for a moment held that against the next boyfriend. That means even though she was cheated on in one , she still trusted the next guy.

Keep trying even if it didn’t work . My friend had a thing for dating guys long distance. She did it over and over. And it never worked out. Yet she kept trying — and I’m sure I’m not the only one who thought she was nutso. Yet the guy she ended up marrying lived in Italy when she met him online. She knew what she liked (foreign guys) and she wasn’t going to let the fact that it hadn’t worked out in the past stop her from trying that again in the future.

Never compromise yourself. My friend has had all kinds of guys try to change her over the years — one wanted her to lose weight, one said she was “too happy,” one didn’t like her spiritual hippy-dippy side. But she never wavered in not changing what she liked about herself. Eventually, she found someone who loved it all. But even if she hadn’t — she still would have loved herself.

Don’t feel rushed. Despite the fact that my friend was closing in on 40, she still retained an optimistic attitude about finding love and marriage. And she wasn’t going to let society, her friends, or her family, rush her into settling down with someone she didn’t feel right about. After each break up, she still felt like she had plenty of time. She knew it was about WHO not WHEN

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Sex Confession: Wife Upset That Husband Talks About How Hot Other Women Are

March 7, 2013 By Leave a Comment

e46f79690fa4ff06cd150fe614c61cd6 Sex Confession: Wife Upset That Husband Talks About How Hot Other Women Are

(PhatzNewsRoom / The Stir) — Some have a very open where they can tell each other anything — and by anything I mean everything. It’s great to have good communication — necessary even. But what if that communication includes inappropriate thoughts about other people? Tara* is a 20-something who has been married to Tim* for six years. They have a solid relationship, Tara says, but Tim says things sometimes that are really starting to bother her. Tim seems obsessed with commenting on the looks of other women, even Tara’s friends, and it’s making her feel inadequate. Let’s let Tara explain.

I feel silly about this because talking about how hot other people are has always been something Tim and I did. Mostly about women, and I would join in, too. We’d and say if we ever had a , or if I was ever to be with a girl, we’d to be with so-and-so. It was all fun and games until it wasn’t anymore … for me. I stopped doing it but I’m not sure Tim has realized that I’m not happily participating in our little fantasy talk anymore. He goes on and on about how hot my friend is, how she has perfect boobs, how he’d to see us kissing — all things we used to do but I’ve changed. I’m over this.

He does it with strangers, too. The . The girl at the . Always whispering something about their looks in my ear thinking it’s a turn-on or a joke or something I’m still into. I just nod and say nothing. It makes me sad he ’t noticed I’m not responding like I used to. And all this with our right there. It also makes me feel like he doesn’t think I’m attractive anymore — that he needs to talk about these other women because he’s no longer turned on by how I look.

I know I’m hormonal from the pregnancy and being a new mom, but I still wish he’d take my feelings into consideration without me having to tell him. I know I should just tell him, but I don’t want there to be an argument. And one of the things we said when we were trying to have a baby is that we don’t want it to change us. We saw change as a bad thing. But I see now that it’s not. I love this change — we change every day and that’s a good thing. I just don’t know what to do.

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10 Things Every Woman Should Know About Her Man

February 28, 2013 By Leave a Comment

1cac52f60395ad3e8261f577275cb7be 10 Things Every Woman Should Know About Her Man

(PhatzNewsRoom / The Stir) — Think you know everything you need to know about your man? The experts say a requires really knowing what makes their partner . Whether your is new or long, there are still ways to strengthen your love. All it takes is being aware of crucial bits of information guaranteed to take your connection to another level. Check out the 10 things every woman should know about her man:

What makes him feel needed. Some guys love to fix things while others don’t even own a . Take time to figure out what makes him feel helpful and like his makes a positive impact in your life.

What really helps him relax. Watching those Law & Order may be your favorite thing to do after work, but don’t drag him into it. He needs to unwind too. Encourage him to do what he enjoys during the little downtime he has.

How often he talks to his ex. Yes, they broke up ago, but it can be hard to completely let go. You have a right to know and to tell him if it bothers you. Of course it’s more complicated if they’ve had children together. Let him know you understand he needs to have some kind of relationship with her and you are supportive of him.

Whether he’s a or a righty. And I don’t mean which hand he writes with. It’s important to know where he stands on political issues that are important to you. For new loves, this can be a deal breaker, but it doesn’t have to be. Look at Mary Matalin and James Carville. For married couples, you will know what topics to avoid when you want a peaceful night.

How to get him to open up. Men need to talk too — just not as much as we do. Work on getting him to share when he needs to, not when you want him to. He needs to know the conversation can be all about him sometimes.

His turn-ons. Some women never make the , but guys love it when you do. If his ears are especially sensitive, why not nibble on them and let him know how desired he is.

What really gets him down. Whether it’s when his favorite team loses or the anniversary of a parent’s death, you should know what makes your man sad. You can try to cheer him up or at least know you aren’t the reason he is acting so strangely.

That he wants to be more helpful. It’s so easy to complain about all that they don’t do. But if they are trying to be more helpful, we should acknowledge that even if they do it wrong. Then find some nice way to show him how to do whatever it is better.

His favorite sports team. I personally hate watching sports but my husband loves it. Really loves it. While it’s hard for me to sit through a game, he appreciates the fact I try to at least know when his favorite teams are in the finals. Once, I even surprised him with play-off tickets. That was 10 years ago and he still says it’s one of the best gifts he’s ever received.

What truly hurts his . And never bring it up.

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How Do You Move On From a Divorce If You Still Love Your Ex?

February 26, 2013 By Leave a Comment

a5d35b2e591e7e70be0a20de03dd2d69 How Do You Move On From a Divorce If You Still Love Your Ex?

(PhatzNewsRoom / The Stir) — We’ve all been through that kind of breakup or divorce.

Y’know, the one that leaves us , gasping for air, and wondering how it all went so wrong. The one that leaves our breaking, wondering how we are going to get through the next five minutes, let alone next five years.

Yeah. That breakup. The one where you are beyond crushed because you are still very much in with your soon-to-be ex — and you don’t want the to end.

So if that’s how you feel, is it wise to stay friends? How do you move on? How do you keep those romantic feelings at bay?

As most of you know, I’m in the middle of a divorce. It’s amicable, which doesn’t mean that we’re the very best of friends, just that we don’t need a mediator for every and a bodyguard for every . We have kids together, so we remain civil.

And I won’t lie: There have been times I’ve laid on the floor in my weeping; I missed my husband, I missed my old life, and I was having a challenging time adjusting to a life alone. I’m sure there will always be those times.

But I know we’re better off in the end as friendly exes, no matter how much it hurts. We’re not the same people we used to be, we’re not good for each other, and that, in turn, affects our children. Like it or not (mostly not), it’s what’s best for them.

Every now and then, though, I feel those familiar feelings for him slip back. My mind wanders and I wonder if maybe, just maybe, we could work things out. Maybe.

Then I remember all the reasons we weren’t a good pair and focus on those for awhile. I certainly don’t hate him, and I’m very sad that we’re , but we can’t be together and be a good team. It’s simply not in the for us.

My advice to anyone going through a gut-wrenching breakup or divorce who’s still in love with his or her partner is to establish some proper . Remember what made you a bad couple and allow that to further your resolve.

And if you decide that you can’t see your ex without wanting to fall into his or her arms, it’s probably wise to remain as far away from that mess as possible.

Your heart is special, and needs to be protected. Never allow someone who has been callous or cruel to it hold it in their hands again. You deserve better. Period.

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Marrying a Guy Whose Family Is Just Like Yours Means Double the Drama

February 22, 2013 By Leave a Comment

121210095913 inlaws story top Marrying a Guy Whose Family Is Just Like Yours Means Double the Drama

(PhatzNewsRoom / The Stir) — As someone in with for the majority of my life, I wasn’t exactly discriminating about the background the men I dated came from … until I started thinking in terms of marriage. What would “get” my assertive, often boisterous, food-obsessed, theatrical, extremely opinionated family? (Wouldn’t blame you if that description up a flash to scenes from My Big Fat Greek Wedding … My fam’s kinda like that, except small and Eastern-European/Jewish.) That’s when I set my sights on finding a guy who had who were — at least in their own way — similar to mine. That way, he wouldn’t feel like a total fish out of water when contending with my family, right?

Well, I found that guy in my future husband. And yes, he can totally empathize with my family’s drama. But his ability to have that kind of means that sometimes, we’re dealing with double the drama.

Which leads me to the question — is it better to be with someone whose family is a lot like yours? Or does it just mean you’re doubly stressed and taxed by the same behaviors you’ve grown up around and felt suffocated by? I have to admit lately, in the of the joy that is , I’ve been feeling the truth lies somewhere inbetween …

Maybe it’s that coming from the same kind of background makes it easier to understand one another for the most part … but the price you pay for that is that , it can also make your life occasionally harder. Then again, by the time you’re old enough to be in a serious relationship or married, perhaps you’re already so adept at handling/ignoring/manipulating an upsetting that you’re a pro even dealing even when they’re coming at you from all sides!

But more importantly, I feel like all have to learn how to cope with outside forces as a team. To present a . And that’s something you can and must do, regardless of whether your families have way too much in common or are seemingly from totally different planets.

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NBA All-Star Weekend 2013: West beats East 143-138 in NBA All-Star Game

February 18, 2013 By

dc505b3d0c32780b57fb207258e43d23 NBA All Star Weekend 2013: West beats East 143 138 in NBA All Star Game
Chris Paul #3 of the and the Western Conference drives on #1 of the Miami Heat and the Eastern Conference during the 2013 NBA All-Star game at the on February 17, 2013 in Houston, Texas.
(February 16, 2013 – Source: Ronald Martinez/ North America)

HOUSTON (AP) The NBA’s career scoring leader in the All-Star game, has never been just about offense.

“I’m known for my defense,” Bryant said. “I can defend. I’m pretty smart with my defense.”

Pretty good, too. Ask .

Bryant blocked James’ jumper, turning it into a dunk by that helped the Western Conference put away the East 143-138 on Sunday.

Bryant may not leap like Blake Griffin, but he can still get up when he needs to, especially when the defenseless part of the All-Star game is over and it’s time to stop somebody – even the league’s .

On ’s 50th birthday, the players most often compared to him turned the final minutes into a 1-on-1 duel, and it went to Bryant – the guy Jordan said he’d pick between the two based on his five . That’s one less than MJ and four more than King James.

“It was a great block,” Durant said. “I haven’t really seen any MVP get a jumper blocked like that. It was a really great play.”

Chris Paul had 20 points, 15 assists and won , and Durant scored 30 points. Griffin finished with 19, joining his Clippers teammate, Paul, in creating Lob City deep in the heart of Texas.

“You just want to play fast. I like to throw the lob. I like to see guys hit 3s,” Paul said. “When we’re out on the court with all that , why wouldn’t you want to make passes? You’ve got KD filling one of the lanes, you’ve got Blake, Kobe on the wing. There’s nothing like it.”

Bryant added a second late block of James, the MVP of the 2006 game here after leading a big East comeback. This time, he scored 19 points but shot only 7 of 18 after making 60 percent of his shots in six straight games before the break.

Carmelo Anthony led the East with 26 points and 12 rebounds.

“I think we played really good defense at the end of the game as a team,” Durant said. “Kobe was really going with the ball. It’s tough to stop LeBron, but he did his best. He was able to block a few of his shots. But CP did a really good job of keeping us in the game.”

The first dunk of the game came 16 seconds in, Paul throwing a pass to Griffin as part of the West’s 7-0 start. The West led after each of the first , though was never ahead by more than eight points through three periods.

They finally pushed it into double figures early in the fourth fueled by former Oklahoma City teammates Russell Westbrook and James Harden, but couldn’t put it away until a late run behind the guys from the city of Los Angeles – who along with Lakers center Dwight Howard gave Los Angeles all but one of the West’s starting spots.

Paul hit two 3-pointers, Bryant made a layup, and his block of James led to Durant’s dunk that made it 136-126. Griffin had one last forceful dunk to help close it out, throwing a pass to himself off the backboard and climbing high in his neon green sneakers to slam it home and make it 142-134.

Harden had 15 points in his home arena, where the sights of the game were on the floor and the sounds were at the rim – which shook repeatedly after thunderous dunks for most of the game before, as usual, players tried to make some stops down the stretch.

Players’ sneakers were a variety of pastels and fluorescent colors that looked like they came right from Easter Sunday church, many clashing so badly with their multi-colored socks that they may as well have been created by spilling out random paint buckets.

James and Dwyane Wade wore purple, and Griffin’s neon look was also sported by the usually not-so-loud Tim Duncan and Brook Lopez.

But the NBA’s high-flyers sure could leap in them.

Durant slammed one down so hard at one point that he stumbled backward after landing, appearing woozy. He came in as the career leader in points per game with 28.3 and may have won a second straight MVP award if not for Paul’s big finish.

But the Kobe-LeBron matchup down the stretch showed that even in an All-Star game, when it’s time to determine a winner, the 34-year-old Bryant is all business.

“It was all in good spirit, man. It was just two guys that to compete, to go at it. So I had a lot of fun,” said James, who at 28 has plenty of time to catch up to Jordan and Bryant in when it comes to NBA championships.

Bryant finished with only nine points, but had eight assists. Griffin shot 9 of 11 from the field and didn’t miss until trying to violently throw one down from a few feet away from the basket.

Indiana’s Paul George scored 17 and Kyrie Irving had 15 for the East.

Not everybody had it so easy. shot two airballs in the first quarter and was booed, tossed up another in the second, and had Tony Parker dribble the ball through his legs on defense. He was even pulled down the stretch by his own coach, Erik Spoelstra, right after Bryant blew right by him for a layup.

Bosh finished 3 of 9. Wade had 21 points on 10-of-13 shooting, the best performance of the three Heat players in the starting lineup. He and James helped the East pull out a two-point win in the 2006 game here, but the West didn’t play Bryant-level defense back then.

“Second time in Houston, it was great,” Wade said. “We didn’t get the win, but we are all winners, because all 24 of us are All-Stars. So it was great.”

There were plenty of laughs, players performing comedic skits and poking fun at each other on the ’s massive overhead scoreboard. Even the celebrities that surrounded the court – Westbrook almost crashed into Beyonce and Jay-Z while trying for a first-half steal – seemed entertained.

Two of Houston’s biggest basketball stars, Hakeem Olajuwon and Yao Ming, who was honored after the first quarter, and Olympic gold medalists Usain Bolt and Gabby Douglas were among the athletes who weren’t in the game.

Players wore warmup jackets with patches commemorating their individual and team career accolades during a lengthy pregame that included a performance by Ne-Yo. They actually warmed up twice, needing to get loose again after watching and being introduced during the elaborate show.

The game capped a weekend of change in Texas, where David Stern presided over his final All-Star game as commissioner and players’ association executive director Billy Hunter was voted out of office – a result he seems likely to contest.

Boston’s Kevin Garnett said before coming to Houston he thought his 15th All-Star selection would be his last, and turned it over to the young guys early. He played only 6 minutes of the first half before calling it a night.

—

Follow Brian Mahoney on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/Briancmahoney

NBA All-Star Weekend 2013: West beats East 143-138 in NBA All-Star Game is a post from: PhatzRadio.com

NBA All Star Weekend 2013: West beats East 143 138 in NBA All Star Game NBA All Star Weekend 2013: West beats East 143 138 in NBA All Star Game NBA All Star Weekend 2013: West beats East 143 138 in NBA All Star Game NBA All Star Weekend 2013: West beats East 143 138 in NBA All Star Game NBA All Star Weekend 2013: West beats East 143 138 in NBA All Star Game

NBA All Star Weekend 2013: West beats East 143 138 in NBA All Star Game

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