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Living: He says he’s going to propose, but time keeps passing. When should she give up?

May 29, 2013 By Admin Leave a Comment

18d2f4bd0a12eed59876279922f661ba Living: He says he’s going to propose, but time keeps passing. When should she give up?

(PhatzNewsRoom / Match.com) — This contribution comes from our friends at Match.com.

Dear Dr. Gilda,
After a bitter divorce, I have been in a relationship for over four years. Several months ago, I caught my guy cheating. This was a result of our relationship souring and my not treating him well. This is not to excuse him, but we have since

Nobody can tell you how long is too long to wait for this guy to come around.
had long conversations and feel we understand how we both contributed to our relationship sliding. Now it’s going well. He is very remorseful.

He wants to have children. I am open to this, but I want marriage first. I turn 39 this year, and I don’t feel I have a lot of time left. We have talked about this and he says it will happen, but I’m losing my patience. In all other ways, he’s a very generous, loving person, but at 41, he’s never had a serious relationship before, and he’s extremely cautious with relationships and money. He did give me a time frame, but it has now passed. Should I walk away and lose the only man I have truly loved, or should that love be something that keeps me with him even when I don’t get what I want?
– Torn in Two

Dear Torn in Two,
Nobody can tell you how long is too long to wait for this guy to come around. It all depends on what’s important to you, and how important it is. You’ve hung in with him for four years—and still there has been no movement toward permanence. The relationship went through some burps, including infidelity, for which you took a large part of the responsibility. But the two of you thrashed it out and have come out of the dark tunnel and into the light. Nonetheless, four years seems like a long enough time for a mature man to decide whether or not he wants a commitment and family.

You mention that at 41, he’s never had a serious relationship before. Why? Have you fully explored his real feelings about women and marriage, as well as his real fears—beyond what he verbally admits? Your own rationale is that he’s “cautious with relationships and money.” Being “cautious” implies being “cheap.” Yet you call him “a very generous, loving person.” How can he be both “cautious” and “generous” at the same time? Are you sure you’re seeing him clearly?

Money is a symbol of control. As my Gilda-Gram warns, “Someone cheap with money is also cheap with love.” This could

Share your own feelings without beating around the bush.
explain his reluctance to enter into a relationship with equally distributed power. If he needs constant control and fears being vulnerable, your problem is greater than someone who just won’t commit. What you must figure out now is whether there is any hope for this guy or whether he’s just paying lip service to your marriage requests to keep you at bay.

You already gave him a deadline, he passed it, and you remained. That sent the message that your requests and his promises are empty. If you really want more, this is what I suggest:

Since the two of you have a successful foundation for heart-to-heart talks, have another one with him, this time with a definite time line, and a plan for consequences should he not keep to it.
Share your own feelings without beating around the bush. You ask, “Should love be something that keeps me with him even when I don’t get what I want?” The answer is, “No, if what you want is stronger than anything else.” As you say, you’re 39, and your baby-making days are dwindling. If that’s what you really want to pursue, this may not be the man for you.
Read some books on assertiveness. It’s a blessing to stand up for what you want.

In business, when a deal goes sour, we cut our losses and leave. Determine if this man really has the ingredients for your future, and then have the courage to follow your gut.

Relationship expert Dr. Gilda Carle, Ph.D., has a private practice and is an associate professor at Mercy College in New York. Her best-selling books include Don’t Bet on the Prince!, 99 Prescriptions for Fidelity and How to Win When Your Mate Cheats. Please visit her website (DrGilda.com) and send her your relationship questions.

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How To Tell If They’re Relationship-Worthy

April 26, 2013 By Admin Leave a Comment

195fe781a79dd1c83f820081b02e1111 How To Tell If They’re Relationship Worthy

(PhatzNewsRoom / BlackDoctor.org) — Relationship success is based on two individuals who are able to truly be themselves and celebrate whatever it is that makes their union special. But many people suffer from the inability to think outside of what their friends and family think and stand on their own feet – which makes it very difficult to build a healthy relationship, since healthy, happy relationships are all about two healthy, happy people who are able to think and act for themselves.

Here are a few ways to tell if a person is more concerned with impressing you, or the rest of the world:

1. They’re fine socializing on their own

Can they go out by themselves? If you find that every movie, dinner, getaway weekend, office party or sporting event is all about how many friends they can throw into the mix, be warned — they definitely need relationship buffers so that they don’t have to focus too much attention on you…or themselves.

2. They love their family, but they’re realistic about them, too

A person with a great relationship with their family is a plus, but make sure that they see things realistically. One of the keys to being a fully formed adult is to be able to balance the love for your family of origin with your own views on how you plan on doing things better for your own family. Are they open about some of their family’s flaws? Are they able to differentiate between the ways their family does things and the way they choose to do them? Watch their conversations and interactions with their family for clues.

3. They’re willing to step outside of their social comfort zone

Are they open to trying things with you that may not necessarily be their thing? We all step into relationships with our basic profile of what we think is fun or interesting set in our minds. Test the athlete a bit by suggesting a museum visit or wine-tasting date; offer the finance guru the chance to go to a great indie concert; invite the artist to accompany you to a major company event. Do they seem to challenge themselves by stepping out into the world, or do they hover in a safe zone of their own status quo? If they have diverse friends and interests, then they’re clearly up for taking chances, no matter what others may think, and willing to form their own, more informed opinion based on personal, real-world experiences.

4. They can make up their own mind

Are they able to make major life decisions without their buddies’ help? There are going to be a million times over the course of a relationship where you are going to need to know what they think. You need to be confident that they are giving you their genuine thoughts and opinions, not what his or her friends, family and next door neighbors think.

5. They welcome/crave new information

Are you ever surprised at what they think about a hot news topic or a great new television program? Do they ever sort of sway from the expected response when you discuss current events together? If so, great! This is a clear sign that they are willing to research and form their own views on the world — and that they are their own person.

6. He shows his more vulnerable side – even in public

Do you guys have your own magical relationship world? Are they willing to get sappy or silly with you in an effort to show interest or love for you? Then this is someone who is not afraid to let their softer self shine and be vulnerable around you, no matter what others may think. Their goal is to impress and enthrall you instead of worrying about violating any “code.”

7. They have a healthy work-life balance

We all want a partner that wants to move forward and succeed, but are they able to be yours while climbing the career ladder? Can they put work to the side to speak with you during the day or have an evening out with you after a hard day at the office? What you should be looking for is the well-rounded person, who values doing well in their career, but also knows that there is far more to living than being in the office late every night.

8. They know how to compromise

Do they give you time to state your case? Do they actually listen to you and treat what you said with weight and respect? Do they occasionally come over to your side of thinking? Can they respectfully stand firm on their views when you disagree? These are indicators of someone who is unafraid to be who they are, but clearly realizes that the whole world does not have to feel the same way they do.

9. They’re perfectly fine with being themselves

We’re all given a mental image of what the perfect partner or spouse must be — women and men both carry an internal image that defines what their role in relationships should be. But are they willing to be the person you need, or do they just seem to be going the “typical” route? For example: You ask your guy if, because of your busy workload, he can help cook and clean, but instead of agreeing to help, he makes it clear that it’s not really a man’s job to do housework. Or, you ask your woman to help you fix that leaky sink, and they just look at you as if you’ve lost your mind. Look for someone who is really willing to make sure that you both get the best out of your relationship.

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Golf: Palmer resists strong arm tactics on McIlroy

March 21, 2013 By Admin

c7a3abc8e960821fe6f3be1208cd58d7 Golf: Palmer resists strong arm tactics on McIlroy

(Reuters) – Rory McIlroy’s decision to skip the Arnold Palmer Invitational surprised the tournament host, who expressed his disappointment on Wednesday that the world number one was not at Bay Hill this week.

The 83-year-old Palmer said he had jokingly suggested he might break McIlroy’s arm if he did not show up but did not try to force the young Northern Irishman into making an appearance.

“Frankly, I thought he was going to play, and I was as surprised as a lot of people when he decided he was not going to play,” said Palmer. “I was kind of kidding when somebody said is he playing? And I said, ‘well, if he doesn’t, I’m going to break his arm.’ But it was meant in jest, and it was strictly a passing remark.”

The 23-year-old Northern Irishman was roundly criticized earlier this month when he controversially walked off mid-round at the Honda Classic and was under scrutiny again on Wednesday for his decision to skip Bay Hill.

McIlroy, who switched equipment and has struggled to find his form this season, has decided to use next week’s Houston Open as his final Masters tune-up.

Many golfers, including Tiger Woods, view the Arnold Palmer Invitational as a sort of golfing pilgrimage to honor “the King” and is tournament not to be missed.

However, Woods, who is a seven times winner at “Arnie’s Place” and can reclaim the number one world ranking from McIlroy with an eighth victory on Sunday, defended the two-time major winner’s decision.

“He played a limited schedule to begin with last year,” offered Woods. “I think last year was his first year as a member of the (PGA) Tour and this is only his second year.

“There is a big difference this year. We have two weeks before the Masters.

“That has a little bit to do with it, I think.

“Some of the guys are taking this week off and playing two in a row in Texas to get ready. Some guys are playing one.”

Palmer was a bit more confused about McIlroy’s no show having talked to him about coming to Bay Hill.

“I’ve had conversations, brief conversations with him some time ago, not recently, about his playing,” said Palmer. “For some reason I got it in my mind that he would be playing but that, obviously, is wrong.

“What his reason or reasoning is, I don’t know, and I’m not going to worry about it.”

(Editing by Gene Cherry)

Golf: Palmer resists strong arm tactics on McIlroy is a post from: PhatzRadio.com

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Golf: Palmer resists strong arm tactics on McIlroy

March 21, 2013 By Admin

c7a3abc8e960821fe6f3be1208cd58d7 Golf: Palmer resists strong arm tactics on McIlroy

The 83-year-old Palmer said he had jokingly suggested he might break McIlroy’s arm if he did not show up but did not try to force the young Northern Irishman into making an appearance.

McIlroy, who switched equipment and has struggled to find his form this season, has decided to use next week’s Houston Open as his final Masters tune-up.

Many golfers, including Tiger Woods, view the Arnold Palmer Invitational as a sort of golfing pilgrimage to honor “the King” and is tournament not to be missed.

“He played a limited schedule to begin with last year,” offered Woods. “I think last year was his first year as a member of the (PGA) Tour and this is only his second year.

“There is a big difference this year. We have two weeks before the Masters.

“That has a little bit to do with it, I think.

“Some of the guys are taking this week off and playing two in a row in Texas to get ready. Some guys are playing one.”

Palmer was a bit more confused about McIlroy’s no show having talked to him about coming to Bay Hill.

“What his reason or reasoning is, I don’t know, and I’m not going to worry about it.”

(Editing by Gene Cherry)

Golf: Palmer resists strong arm tactics on McIlroy is a post from: PhatzRadio.com

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The closing relationship window

February 26, 2013 By Admin Leave a Comment

16110e53ff1334933feb744fe536bafa The closing relationship window

(PhatzNewsRoom / Match.com) — A few years back, I met a very promising guy online. He was smart, funny, cute and — more importantly — he seemed to feel the same way about me. We began to see each more and more until a couple of months in, when we suddenly began to see each other less and less. His ex-girlfriend’s name started cropping up in our conversations; there were a few cancelled dates (on both ends). One Friday night, when he morosely told me he’d rather just stay home and think instead of coming over to watch a movie and snuggle, I realized things between us were finally kaput.

The relationship window — which had been wide open on our first fortuitous date — had slowly but surely slammed shut.

Oh, that pesky baggage…
Tina B. Tessina, psychotherapist and author of The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again, says there are many reasons why the window of opportunity that’s opened at the start of a budding romantic connection will slowly begin to shrink as time progresses. “Sometimes it’s due to shyness,” says Tessina. “Neither person will make the first move for fear of being rejected. Other people are afraid of commitment; they fear having to give up their independence or not getting what they want. Other times, it’s down to baggage. Either one or both parties have been hurt before and are too afraid to take the risk. And baggage can be second-generational, as in, ‘My mother was so hurt by my father that I am afraid of all men.’”

Sadly, lingering pain from a relationship gone awry doesn’t always announce itself in someone’s online dating profile. In fact, it can take weeks or months for the breakup blues to emerge. “A lot of times, it’s really easy for people to cover up the fact they’re pining for an old lover during the honeymoon period when dating someone new,” says Tiia Jones, a 41-year-old Seattle, WA teacher who has blogged about her online dating adventures. “They’re walking the walk and talking the talk and it’s all fun and new. But then, when all that newness starts to wear off, they can’t hide from those issues anymore. They become the elephant in the living room, so to speak.”

Jones, who’s had the window close on a few potential LTRs of her own, says she’s even shut things down a few times herself thanks to unforeseen events. “I started seeing a guy, but then my mom became really sick and had to be hospitalized, so I just pulled away,” Jones says. “I really liked him, and I think if the circumstances had been different, the relationship could have been a very good one. But emotionally, I just wasn’t there.”

Is timing really everything?
Timing can be a crucial component of courtship success, but between careers, kids, exes and social obligations, it can also be a big obstacle for singles to overcome. “I recently had a couple of good, fun dates with a man, and we had some great conversations in between those dates, but then it got to a point where we couldn’t get together for three or four weeks. My interest went clean out the window,” says Melissa G., a 48-year-old entrepreneur from Atlanta, GA. “I just thought to myself, this is too hard.”

Dating has to compete, time and priority-wise, with so many other things these days that a person who doesn’t step up to the plate and show immediate interest in you gets left in the digital dust. “You’ve got people traveling all over for business, people who are doing the every-other-weekend shared custody schedule,” Melissa says. “There are so many things tugging at us now. It’s the things — or the people — that stay in front of us that we notice.”

Jim T., a 44-year-old editor from Seattle, WA, says he learned this lesson the hard way after a three-month relationship with a “keeper” came to an end because of his own unavailability. “I work nights and weekends and have had several women give up on me because of my ‘choice’ to be unavailable Friday and Saturday nights,” says Jim. “But then I met a woman who said she could work around that.” The two got together for lunch dates, dinner breaks, at midnight whenever it was possible and on Mondays and Tuesdays (Jim’s “weekend” days). Everything clicked until family issues, frenzied workloads and exhaustion set in for the couple. Their steady-but-staccato dating schedule hit a “bad stretch” — and then they hit the skids. “We kept assuring each other that ‘We’ll get through this,’ but then I started to wonder how long a relationship could last in the absence of any relationship-related activity,” Jim says. “One night, I walked into a restaurant and spotted her and another guy together. She finally came over and told me that our ‘statute of limitations had expired.’”

Great expectations
Now and then, a closing relationship window gets propped open as you try to convince yourself that you’ve found The One. “I dated guys even though I wasn’t feeling it because they had everything I was looking for; they were ‘good on paper,’” agrees Jones. “And I’ve had guys do that to me, too. But then it just becomes harder and harder to disentangle yourself.”

Amanda G., a 26-year-old digital marketing writer from Manhattan, says the expectations created by people’s digital personas can be equally seductive. “I met this guy and grew to like him based on his social media presence,” she says. “He was out of the country and we corresponded for weeks before meeting in person. My friends warned me, ‘Don’t be thinking this guy is somebody special, wait until you meet him,’ but he was so great online. And the first time we met, he was awesome. But then he went away again.” The two kept up their courtship via Twitter, Facebook, emails and IMs, and when he got back into town, they celebrated New Year’s Eve as their second official date. Much like the Times Square ball, though, Amanda’s romance went downhill fast. “We really liked each other, but it just fizzled,” she says. “He’d been chasing me via Web 2.0, and I think that led to all this expectation and buildup. He told me, ‘I feel like I can’t give you the things you want in a relationship’… but we didn’t even have a relationship. It just got out of sync with real life.”

Expectations can do a number on people, says Tessina, especially in a “fantasy culture” that celebrates unrealistic romantic ideals through movies, TV and unlikely celebrity love matches. “People get hung up on searching for instant perfection without realizing that a relationship has to be built from the ground up,” she says. What advice does Tessina offer for those who are just starting out? “Unpack your baggage first,” she offers. “If you have difficult events in your past, don’t hide from them. Do your grieving, get therapy, work through whatever the issues were and learn the skills you needed then, like standing up for yourself, communicating effectively, setting boundaries and learning problem-solving strategies.”

Tessina also warns not to get sucked into the fantasy of finding someone who’s perfect in every way. This is life, not You’ve Got Mail. “The perfect person is the one with character, not looks, and the one with whom you can form a partnership based on mutual love, caring, respect and responsibility toward each other,” says Tessina. “Even if you were successful in love before, a new partnership has to be built from scratch, step by step. Trying to do things in a rush can actually prevent you from finding out what you need to know about someone.” In other words, even if the window is open, you’ll want to take a good, hard look before leaping through it.

Diane Mapes is a freelance writer based in Seattle and the author of How to Date in a Post-Dating World. She can be reached via her Web site, dianemapes.net.

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MLB: Angels reach 5-year, $125M deal with Hamilton / Red Sox, Dempster reach two-year deal

December 14, 2012 By Admin

66f42d7a6d6b9b31076ad9d20deed94e MLB: Angels reach 5 year, $125M deal with Hamilton / Red Sox, Dempster reach two year deal
Josh Hamilton #32 of the Texas Rangers hits a double that scored Ian Kinsler #5 in the third inning of their game against the Oakland Athletics at O.co Coliseum on October 2, 2012 in Oakland, California.
(October 1, 2012 – Source: Ezra Shaw/Getty Images North America)

LOS ANGELES (AP) — Josh Hamilton is heading to the Los Angeles Angels, lured with a five-year, $125 million contract that steps up the migration of high-profile stars to Southern California.

The Angels persuaded the free-agent outfielder to leave the Texas Rangers with their third big-money offseason signing in as many years. Hamilton heads to Anaheim after first baseman Albert Pujols came West for $240 million last December along with pitcher C.J. Wilson — Hamilton’s Texas teammate — for $77.5 million.

Still, the Angels failed to make the playoffs for the third straight year.

They had bulked up their pitching staff earlier in the offseason with the additions of pitchers Joe Blanton and Tommy Hanson, along with relievers Sean Burnett and Ryan Madson.

General manager Jerry Dipoto had said Wednesday that he didn’t think a major move was “imminent or required.”

But owner Arte Moreno pulled off another coup by getting Hamilton. The 2010 AL MVP, Pujols and AL Rookie of the Year Mike Trout combined for 103 home runs and 316 RBIs last season.

“It’s a great day to be an Angel/Angel fan!” Wilson said on his Twitter account.

Rangers general manager Jon Daniels said Hamilton had reached a deal with the AL West rival Angels. Two people familiar with the talks disclosed the amount and length of the contract, speaking on condition of anonymity because the agreement was not yet final.

Hamilton’s $25 million average salary matches Philadelphia first baseman Ryan Howard for the second-highest in baseball, trailing only Alex Rodriguez’s $27.5 million average with the New York Yankees.

Since the contract wasn’t final, the Angels didn’t comment publicly. The team said in a statement, “We continue to look for ways to improve our team. As soon as we have something formal to announce, we will do so.”

Moreno and manager Mike Scioscia didn’t immediately respond to phone messages.

The Angels allowed free agent outfielder Torii Hunter to sign with Detroit, and he reacted to his former team’s latest move on his Twitter account.

“I was told money was tight but I guess the Arte had money hidden under a Mattress. Business is business but don’t lie,” Hunter wrote.

He followed up with the comment, “Great signing for the Angels. One of the best players in baseball.”

Texas had hoped to re-sign Hamilton, who led the Rangers to consecutive World Series appearances in 2010 and 2011. They made a $13.3 million qualifying offer at the Nov. 2 deadline, ensuring the team draft-pick compensation if Hamilton signed elsewhere. The Rangers will receive an extra selection immediately following the first round of June’s amateur draft. The deal cost the Angels a first-round selection in the draft.

Speaking Thursday after a Rangers’ holiday luncheon, Daniels said he had just been informed of the decision by Hamilton’s agent, Michael Moye.

Daniels said he was disappointed “to some degree,” especially since the Rangers never got a chance to match any offer during the process, as they had expected. Or at least get contacted before Hamilton agreed with another team.

“I never expected that he was going to tell us to the dollar what they had, and a chance to offer it. Our full expectation, the phone call was going to be before he signed, and certainly not after,” Daniels said. “Everybody’s got to make their own calls.

“He’s a tremendous talent and I think that they’ve shown they’re going to be in on a lot of the best players out there. No sugarcoating it, we wanted the player back. And he signed with the Angels. They’re better,” Daniels said.

The agreement came days after the Los Angeles Dodgers added pitchers Zack Greinke and Ryu Hyun-jin, boosting their payroll over $200 million. Greinke, another offseason target, said he chose the Dodgers over the Rangers.

Hamilton’s addition to the Angels outfield means Mark Trumbo could be moved to third base or traded. Peter Bourjos and Vernon Wells also are among the outfielders competing for time unless a trade is made.

Scioscia will have an interesting decision to make on where in the batting order to slot in Pujols, Trout and Hamilton, a five-time All-Star. He has a .260 career average at Angel Stadium with five home runs and 19 RBIs in 150 at-bats.

Daniels met with Moye last week at the winter meetings in Nashville, Tenn., and had talked about the parameters of a new contract along with numbers. While Daniels wouldn’t get into any specifics, he said his understanding is the deal with the Angels “is certainly more guaranteed money.”

The move keeps Hamilton in the same division with plenty of opportunities to play against his team – the first one coming fast next season. After the Rangers open with three games at new division foe Houston, they play their first home series April 5-7 against the Angels.

The 31-year-old slugger was considered a risk by some teams because of his history of alcohol and substance abuse, which derailed his career before his surge with the Rangers over the past five seasons.

“Josh has done a lot for the organization, the organization has done a lot for Josh, a lot of things that aren’t public and things of that nature,” Daniels said. “I’m a little disappointed how it was handled, but he had a decision to make and he made it.”

Hamilton had a career-high 43 home runs with 128 RBIs in 148 games last season, when the Rangers struggled down the stretch and lost the division to Oakland on the final day of the regular season.

Texas then lost in the winner-take-all wild-card game against Baltimore, and Hamilton was lustily booed by Rangers fans while going 0-for-4 – twice striking out on three pitches, including an inning-ending out in the eighth with a runner in scoring position when it was still a 3-1 game.

That came two days after Hamilton dropped a routine popup in the regular-season finale, a two-out tiebreaking miscue that allowed the A’s to score two runs and go ahead to stay. He missed five games on a September trip because of a cornea problem he said was caused by too much caffeine and energy drinks – and had one homer with 18 strikeouts in the final 10 regular-season games after returning.

Hamilton hit .304 with 161 homers in his six major league seasons, the first with Cincinnati. In May against Baltimore, he became only the 16th major league with a four-homer game as part of a 5-for-5 night that included a double.

“Josh had indicated recently … told us that he felt it might be time to move on, but that we were still talking,” said Daniels, who wouldn’t elaborate on the reasons. “We had additional conversations this week that I thought had moved it along in a positive direction, but apparently not.”

6be257e6dafb6761b68730dd1bbc97c2 MLB: Angels reach 5 year, $125M deal with Hamilton / Red Sox, Dempster reach two year deal
Ryan Dempster #46 of the Texas Rangers pitches against the Oakland Athletics at O.co Coliseum on October 3, 2012 in Oakland, California.
(October 2, 2012 – Source: Ezra Shaw/Getty Images North America)

Red Sox, Dempster reach two-year deal

BOSTON (AP) — The Boston Red Sox have agreed to terms with right-hander Ryan Dempster on a two-year contract worth $26.5 million, two people familiar with the negotiations said Thursday.

Red Sox general manager Ben Cherington would not comment on Dempster at a news conference to announce the signing of outfielder Shane Victorino. “We’re engaged with a pitcher. That’s all I can say at this point,” Cherington said, without mentioning Dempster by name.

But a few hours later the sides completed the framework of a deal, the two people familiar with the talks said. They spoke on the condition of anonymity because the agreement was pending a physical.

Dempster would help a rotation led by Jon Lester and Clay Buchholz, promising young pitchers coming off subpar seasons. At the other end of the staff are Franklin Morales and Felix Doubront; pitchers the Red Sox hope can develop into dependable starters. John Lackey returns after missing last season due to elbow ligament-replacement surgery.

Dempster, 12-8 with a 3.38 ERA this year, gives the Red Sox a reliable pitcher who has thrown more than 200 innings for four of the past five seasons. He was 5-5 with a 2.25 ERA with the Chicago Cubs this year before being traded to Texas. He was 7-3 with a 5.03 ERA for the Rangers.

Boston hopes he will be an improvement over Josh Beckett, who was 5-11 with a 5.23 ERA before he was traded to the Los Angeles Dodgers in a deal that conceded the 2012 season while clearing $250 million in future salaries. Daisuke Matsuzaka, who arrived in Boston to international fanfare, was 1-7 with an 8.28 ERA last season while battling injuries.

Dempster, 35, has a 124-124 record and a 4.33 ERA in a 15-year big league career, most of it with the Marlins and Cubs.

MLB: Angels reach 5-year, $125M deal with Hamilton / Red Sox, Dempster reach two-year deal is a post from: PhatzRadio.com

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NFL: Roger Goodell, Sean Payton talk moving up NFL reinstatement

December 14, 2012 By Admin

c217fcb1c823e3d405c566ba25747cab NFL: Roger Goodell, Sean Payton talk moving up NFL reinstatement

(PhatzRadio / SI) — NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell is in the midst of preliminary conversations with suspended New Orleans Saints coach Sean Payton about moving up the date of his reinstatement to be effective at the end of the regular season rather than sticking with the originally stated date of after the Super Bowl, according to a report Thursday morning from Ed Werder of ESPN.

Though Goodell stressed that those talks were still in their early stages, the change, if applied, would mean Payton could re-join the league and resume coaching with the Saints in less than three weeks. The Saints’ last game of the season is a Dec. 30 match-up at home against the Carolina Panthers. The Super Bowl is scheduled for Feb. 3, ironically in New Orleans, so it would mean Payton could return more than a month before his original date of reinstatement.

Goodell said that there are talks between his office and Payton scheduled for after the holidays, so it’s unlikely that there will be enough time to reinstate Payton immediately after the regular season ends for the Saints, but it still might allow him to return a few weeks early. Goodell was cautious to make any promises:

“I don’t want to say he could be because, again, we are in the early stages. We are starting to talk about it.”

Whenever Payton is reinstated, it’s not definite he will re-join the Saints as coach next season. As Werder writes, the Dallas Cowboys could be in pursuit of him for next year, but Goodell said that whether or not Payton is a “coaching free agent” is an issue that needs to be discussed within the Saints organization, and not the league office:

There is also the possibility that Payton might not be committed to coaching the Saints and could be pursued by a team such as the Dallas Cowboys if owner and general manager Jerry Jones fires coach Jason Garrett.

Payton has said he plans on returning to the Saints, but his contract beyond this season remains up-in-the-air. Last month, the NFL disallowed the extension the Saints gave Payton, which would have kept him as coach through 2015. More recently, however, Goodell allowed the Saints and Payton to resume contract negotiations.

NFL: Roger Goodell, Sean Payton talk moving up NFL reinstatement is a post from: PhatzRadio.com

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Here’s How Much a Divorce REALLY Costs

December 14, 2012 By Admin Leave a Comment

divorce Heres How Much a Divorce REALLY Costs

(PhatzNewsRoom / The Stir) — When you bring the “D” word into your conversations with your spouse regularly, and you know it’s only a matter of time before you end your marriage, you are probably wondering what a divorce actually costs. We always hear about multi-billion dollar divorce trials and settlements, but what about the rest of us? What if your net worth includes “gummy bears”?

The answer, as it turns out, is that the cost of divorce varies tremendously from couple to couple and from state to state.

I’m in the middle of my own split, and my ex and I have agreed to a mediation, which is a far cheaper way to go about divorcing than with dueling lawyers and expensive court battles. This means that my husband and I will come together and work out the settlement of the divorce – including custody of everything from Amex points to the kids – with a neutral third party.

This type of divorce, of course, isn’t always an option. Especially if two spouses can’t be in the same room without bursting into flames. But it is going to be a lot more budget-friendly than going the other, traditional route. A mediated divorce means that a neutral third party will go through the major decisions with us, right down to cost. Speaking of which, a mediated divorce can cost between $1,000 and $7,000.

Compare that with a more conventional divorce, which involves each partner retaining their own lawyer (in Chicago, where I live, it’s about $5,000 upfront to get a divorce lawyer – and that’s not even a stupendous one) and then preparing to battle it out over the items from the marriage. That’s TEN GRAND to begin with, and I hear they don’t take IOUs.

If you want to go the normal, litigated, route for a divorce, you do want the very best on your side, so it’s important that you find someone you can afford AND who will fight to get you what you want. It isn’t a sure thing, getting exactly what you want from a divorce lawyer, but it’s easier if there’s a lot to divide up, or if you and your partner are fighting so much that working it out through mediation won’t happen this century.

It’s really up to you how much you spend on your divorce, but I will say this: I feel fortunate that we’re not going to go the lawyer route. It’s saving us money, time, stress, and energy that could better be spent rebuilding new lives.

Which, in the end, is what the dissolution of a marriage means.

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20 Reasons Why Men Say They Cheat

November 16, 2012 By Admin Leave a Comment

29 11 2010 09 22 09 f2 20 Reasons Why Men Say They Cheat

(Phatforums News / The Stir) — A week after General David Petraeus’ affair with writer Paula Broadwell was exposed, it remains big news. He’s gotten a lot of flack for the betrayal of his wife Holly. Though not everyone is being hard on the disgraced ex-CIA chief. Pat Robertson, host of the conservative Christian chat show The 700 Club, claims to understand why he strayed. “The man is in a foreign land and he’s lonely and here’s a good looking lady throwing herself at him and … he’s a man,” Robertson said.

Is it just me, or is that a ridiculously lame excuse? Well, we took a poll to find out what drives a man into the bed of another woman. Take a look at 20 real reasons men give for cheating:

“Not adventurous enough in bed.”
“I’m just not attracted to my wife anymore.”
“Relationships and the conversations that come with them are boring.”
“Someone who’s willing to be a little wilder comes around.”
“Everything was always so serious. Bills, mortgage, kids. I wanted to have some fun.”
“The sex is always the same. It was like having the exact same thing for dinner every single night. I needed something else.”
“We don’t have enough sex.”
“I drank too much and made a bad decision.”
“She’s always tired.”
“When she was sick, I didn’t feel right asking her for it.”
“My wife’s just such a mean person.”
“She cheated first.”
“I realized I was gay.”
“I didn’t think I would ever get caught.”
“I wanted to test out what an open relationship would be like. Then I was going to tell her.”
“I don’t love her as much as I used to.”
“Humans aren’t meant to be monogamous.”
“Like Chris Rock said, ‘Men are only as faithful as their options.’”
“All she does is complain and there is nothing sexy about that.”
“Things haven’t been the same since we had kids.”

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Worst first-date moves for women

November 7, 2012 By Admin Leave a Comment

d61bb9c49ec8a5f41272ecd0288d6cf6 Worst first date moves for women

(Phatforums News / Match.com) — For the single guy, first dates can be so many things: magical, exciting, romantic — or in some cases, really, really annoying. Ask any man who’s out there in the romance trenches, and he’ll give you a litany of misdeeds perpetrated by the female dating population in America.

But lucky you, you don’t have to actually ask them anything because I did it for you. I spoke with single guy friends, relatives and complete strangers who overheard our conversations and couldn’t help but chime in about what drives them wild (in a bad way) on a first date. And boy, did I get answers.

Sure, we men know that we’re not exactly perfect (feel free to object), but there are a number of things you may not even realize you’re doing that can inadvertently put you on the “Do Not Call” list for life. Here are the top 10 first-date crimes:

1. Comparing your date to your ex. “He would never order the steak rare like you just did.” Um, OK. “He would never think of driving a car like the one you do.” Yeah? Great. “He would never wear a jacket like yours!” Fascinating. Listen, we guys want to go out to dinner to get know you better, not the man you broke up with two months ago. The more you talk about him, the more we’ll think that we’ve got “rebound” stamped on our collective foreheads. And here’s a weird little guy trait you might not know: Trash the man you once loved too much, and we might start to mentally take his side. Nobody could be that bad, we’ll think to ourselves. You’re just being too critical, we’ll surmise. And worse, we’ll wonder if are you going to be this harsh on us! Because if so, what the heck are we doing splitting dessert with you? Why aren’t we out having fun, like that poor guy who escaped right before you criticized him to death?

2. Asking too many money-based questions about your date’s job. It’s one thing to take an interest in what your date does, but save the “Does your company give you stock options?” questions for a little further down the road. (Preferably after you get engaged.)

3. Not eating anything after agreeing to meet up for a meal together. My buddy Colin put it best when he said, “I have no desire to date Gandhi.” Going on a date-night-only hunger strike is just silly. It makes men feel strange when we’re plowing through a steak and you’re picking at a mixed green salad with the dressing on the side. Plus, showing no signs of enjoying a few indulgences at the dinner table doesn’t exactly get a guy’s heart racing to imagine what’s to come a few dates from now. Instead, you will simply seem high-maintenance.

4. Picking really a expensive restaurant for the first date. On a birthday, sure, we’re totally up for blowing a paycheck on dinner. But on the first date? Not so much. Using men to take an unpaid tour of the Zagat’s guide is right up there with “running over my dog” as one of the worst first-date misdeeds a woman can commit.

5. Acting like we’re already in a relationship before we have the chance to get to know you first. Guys get just as excited as you when they meet someone cool and fun who doesn’t appear to have any weird quirks or hang-ups with her love life, but definitely leave him wanting more. If you are too clingy right out of the gate, you’ll scare him off in a hurry. Nothing screams “not girlfriend material” like giving your date a cutesy nickname 15 minutes into your first face-to-face meeting.

6. Whining about how hard it is to meet someone great these days. “When a girl is going on and on about how hard it is ‘out there’ in the dating world, I can’t help but think, What’s wrong with this person that no one wants to be with her?” says my cousin James. Plus, it doesn’t exactly make a man feel special if he knows he’s just a number in the long line of guys you dated that month.

7. Using dates like personal therapy sessions. One of the great things about being in a long-term relationship is having someone to talk to when you’re down and having a shoulder to lean on when you’re stressed out of your mind. But save those discussions about unresolved issues with your mother for a little further along than 20 minutes into your first dinner date with a guy. You want to leave him thinking, “Man, that girl was a blast!” instead of, “Man, that girl was a real downer!” First dates are all about having fun, right?

8. Flirting with other men during our first date (or, worse, with our friends).
As I said, first dates are all about having fun… but not too much fun. There’s a fine line between being outgoing and being on the prowl for anything male that moves.

9. Not having an opinion of your own. Would you like to go see a movie or go to dinner? It’s up to you. Do you like Italian food? Whatever you want to eat is fine with me. Sound familiar? One of the major goals of a first date is to find out if two people are compatible with each other. Men want to find out what you like, what you think, so drop the overly polite act and give us a peek into what’s going on in your mind. Now, we’re not asking you to turn into Bill O’Reilly — but please, ladies, give us an opinion! How can we enjoy our shrimp rigatoni special if we’re afraid that you actually hate garlic and are allergic to shellfish?

10. Acting too motherly towards your date. Oedipus married his mother, and we all know how that turned out. Never mind the first date — keep the “You need a haircut” and “Button up your jacket” comments in check for the first year of any romantic relationship, please!

Dan Bova is the executive editor of Maxim. For the other side of the story, read 10 ways guys mess up a first date.

Article courtesy of Match.com.

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