May 20, 2013

2013 Australian Open: Azarenka, Li overwhelm Stephens, Sharapova to reach final

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Stephens of the United States of America plays a in her Semifinal match against of Belarus during day eleven of the 2013 at Melbourne Park on January 24, 2013 in Melbourne, Australia.
(January 23, 2013 – Source: Quinn / AsiaPac)

(PhatzRadio / SI) — MELBOURNE, Australia — Five thoughts on the women’s semifinals at the Australian Open, where Victoria Azarenka (6-1, 6-4 over Sloane Stephens) nd Li Na (6-2, 6-2 over Maria Sharapova) advanced to Saturday’s final. …

1. Azarenka’s . First, a bit of credit. Placed in a potentially — facing a young opponent, fat with confidence and attention, playing with house money — Azarenka smothered Stephens, never letting her take control of the match despite a late comeback. She smacked Stephens’ second serve as if were propped on a tee. She ran Stephens ragged.

She not only neutralized whatever Stephens brought but also killed her spirit. She won the first set in barely . (And Azarenka has won her last 60 matches when she’s taken the first set.) By late in the second, it looked to be the kind of performance that a champion turns in, playing with authority and draining all the fight from a younger opponent.

Then at 5-3, Azarenka was overwhelmed by the occasion. “I almost did the choke of the year,” she said. She let five go by, overcooking and undercooking , looking more like a nervous junior than a No. 1. Broken at 5-4, she took a highly questionable injury timeout, leaving the court for what was clearly a mental health break. To say it was a highly questionable bit of gamesmanship would be understating it. She returned and, still looking nervous, held on. Not her finest moment. Still, with — her bugbear — out of the draw and nursing her own — Azarenka now has a prime opportunity to defend her title.

2. Hello, Whirled. Stephens’ Excellent Australian Adventure is over. A day after staring down Serena Williams in one of the bigger upsets in recent history, she regressed to the mean today. That is, she played like a talented, athletic, highly mobile 19-year-old, who will be a star one day; but isn’t quite there yet. She didn’t choke. She didn’t wilt in the heat. But, sluggish and drained, she simply wasn’t at Azarenka’s level for this final four match. Spraying balls, playing impatiently and unimaginatively and unable to handle Azarenka’s power, especially on her second serve. Despite a spirited comeback late in the match, she fell.

We talk about physical recovery in tennis, but there’s an element of emotional recovery as well. In the last 24 hours, Stephens’ profile (and Twitter following and net worth) has ballooned. Her phone blew up. She heard from Shaq. She was on the morning shows. She made more than $500,000. It’s a lot for any player — but especially a 19-year-old — to insulate herself from this and then try and play another big match. Stephens wasn’t up to it. She leaves here, though, as the darling of the tournament, a newly minted star, the next American hope. It was a smashing event for her. Just not today.

3. We all need somebody to Li Na. In the first semifinal, Li played one of the better matches of her career, taking out Sharapova in a match that felt somehow closer and more lopsided than the score would suggest. This was Li at her best, turning in a wonderfully complete performance. She slugged away from both wings — including her , which tends to go off target; sliced her serves out wide to open the court; and, a month from age 30, played brilliant defense when necessary, clearly the better athlete. Match statistics can be misleading, but she had more winners than Sharapova, who goes for broke on every shot, and almost half as many errors.

“She was aggressive, taking the first ball … playing confident, aggressive tennis,” Sharapova said. “That’s probably, the best that she’s played against me.”

Yet, this was ultimately a mental victory. Li is famously streaky, but she has been the picture of poise in Melbourne. No outbursts. No drama. Just clinical tennis. Today she showed off her gifts and garnished them with an impregnable mental performance. (Thanks, coach Carlos Rodriguez!) The result is her second trip to the final in three years.

4. A problem like Maria. Strange tournament for Sharapova. Which is in keeping with her rhythms these days. She wins the French Open; then she gets bounced early from Wimbledon and positively steamrolled by Serena at the Olympics. She drops nine games in her first five matches in Melbourne, giving no quarter, barely tested. In the semifinal, she musters just four games against a player she’d beaten three straight times coming in. She was thoroughly outplayed in every dimension.

For all Sharapova’s virtues, there’s not a lot of versatility in her . When Plan A doesn’t work, she reverts to … Plan A. Thursday, under oppressively hot conditions, she didn’t move particularly well. And her power strokes missed their targets. She did little to adjust. No junk. No ventures to the net. No spin. A lot of disgusted looks to her camp but not much in the way of adjustment. Where does she go from here?

5. Ladies night. Jo-Wilfried Tsonga lost a thoroughly entertaining match to Roger Federer on Wednesday and then committed an unforced error in the media room, declaring that women players were “unstable emotionally” because “hormones and all this stuff.” We roll our eyes but ultimately sling Tsonga some slack here because a) he is a good guy, b) he is speaking in a foreign tongue after a tough match and c) silly as the sentiment might be, other — female — commentators have ventured here, too.

Lost in this controversy was the flawed premise of the setup question: “Seems like very often in the last four or five years on the men’s side it’s been the top four seeds getting to the semifinals. Hasn’t happened that much on the women’s side.”

Huh?

Here are the semis: we had the top two seeds. A third semifinalist was the No. 6 player who has won a major within the last two years. The fourth was a talented 19-year-old — sufficiently accomplished that she was already seeded — who knocked off Serena Williams. Not exactly anarchy. In fact, you could argue that this is an ideal mix of talent, nationality, ethnicity, age and style. On Saturday night, Li Na, a relentlessly candid Chinese plays the defending champ. If that unstable, we’ll take it.

2013 Australian Open: Azarenka, Li overwhelm Stephens, Sharapova to reach final is a post from: PhatzRadio.com

 2013 Australian Open: Azarenka, Li overwhelm Stephens, Sharapova to reach final  2013 Australian Open: Azarenka, Li overwhelm Stephens, Sharapova to reach final  2013 Australian Open: Azarenka, Li overwhelm Stephens, Sharapova to reach final  2013 Australian Open: Azarenka, Li overwhelm Stephens, Sharapova to reach final  2013 Australian Open: Azarenka, Li overwhelm Stephens, Sharapova to reach final

 2013 Australian Open: Azarenka, Li overwhelm Stephens, Sharapova to reach final

Women: Who’s your music match?

Online Dating 48 Women: Who’s your music match?

(PhatzNewsRoom / Match.com) — Just because you’re not a groupie doesn’t mean you’re immune to the charms of the leading men of popular music. But crushing on a particular can communicate more than just your ringtone preference; it can actually reveal volumes about what you’re looking for romantically — and what you should be wary of. Read on to understand the reasons why someone rocks your world…

1. The Trouble Man
The : Eminem, who’s “Not Afraid” of Mick “Midnight Rambler” or Chris “Look at Me Now” Brown
What’s so hot about him? With his rebellious and relentless partying habits, he’s more fun than straitlaced Mister . He does it his way… usually, around four in the morning.
What he means to you: Wondering why you’re drawn to this guy? The obvious answer is that he taps into your inner bad girl. Plus, like a lot of women, you may have a taste for drama — which he’ll bring to your life in . But attraction to the Trouble Man can be complicated. “If you have a history of being disappointed in , you may choose this type because you know you can’t get close to him, or be hurt by him,” says Boston-based , career and executive coach Suzanne Blake, author of for Dating and Mating. But either you get hurt anyway, or you sabotage your chances of meeting a man you can have something meaningful with, so enjoy this bumpy ride if you’re not looking to settle down just yet.

2. The Ego-man-iac
The usual suspects: Kanye “Jesus Walks” West, Jack “I Fought Piranhas” White, and Prince (you know, the guy who was too big for his name and had to invent his own symbol).
What’s so hot about him? This alpha dog is super-smart, high-powered and in control — that makes him excitement personified to virtually any woman. If you’re an ambitious over-achiever yourself, you may see him as the male version of you.
What he means to you: “He’s looking for a woman with his ego, not with his ,” warns Blake. And that’s complex, since on one hand he’ll want you to be worthy of his attention, but on the other hand, he may not want to share the limelight with anybody. “He’ll be critical and try to improve you and may downplay your accomplishments,” Blake explains. A relationship with this kind of man can function if you’re content to defer to him, or it could work wonderfully if you’re both successful in different areas; that will offset the competition, Blake believes. In general, though, when two alphas fall in love, both must be able to appreciate and celebrate each other’s success — and make room in their agendas for romance.

3. The Lover Boy
The usual suspects: “DJ Got Us Fallin’ In Love” with Usher, John “Your Body Is a Wonderland” Mayer, and Bruno “Just the Way You Are” Mars
What’s so hot about him? If you’re attracted to this kind of guy, here’s the implication: It’s hard for you not to fall for a sensitive sweetie who loves love so much. He brings you flowers, rubs your feet (and then some!) and really, really needs you, baby.
What he means to you: He’s in touch with his feelings and it’s great to hear him express his emotions (especially if you’re on the rebound, when whispered sweet nothings sound especially intoxicating). The sensitive type also partners well with ambitious, driven women — he’ll be there when you get home. “But he doesn’t have the dominant male energy many women need to sweep them off their feet,” notes Blake. Moreover, a Lover Boy who’s fresh out of a fairy tale emotionally can find real-life issues a challenge. “He may not be able to go deeper than the romantic phase,” Blake explains. “Will he be there when the garbage disposal breaks?” If he’s important to you, guide the relationship towards reality. Do some volunteer work together and see how he reacts — if he’s up to the task, this sweetie’s a keeper!

4. The Hunk Next Door
The usual suspects: Jon “It’s My Life” Bon Jovi, Kenny “No Shoes, No Shirt, No Problems” Chesney, and Justin “SexyBack” Timberlake
What’s so hot about him? Your taste in men gravitates to a good-time guy who looks cool washing his car in the driveway… and, hey, he’ll be happy to drop by for a glass of iced tea. He’s got an easy smile and a mellow attitude, but exudes a quiet strength, too.
What he means to you: A good time — and maybe more. “On the surface, the Hunk Next Door is simply someone to hang out with who won’t give you a hard time,” says Blake. “But there may be real substance to him.” He won’t fall apart when the going gets tough, and he may have things to teach you, like patience. When it comes to commitment, he takes it slow and doesn’t open up easily, so you’ll have to draw him out. Yet even if he does prove to be a rock, there’s a chance you might get bored. “It can get tiring if you’re the one initiating all the time, making all the ,” says Blake. Before you move on to someone less laid-back than he is, communicate your needs first and ask him to challenge you instead.

5. The Tortured Soul
The usual suspects: Gerard “Drowning Lessons” Way of My Chemical Romance, Brandon “Sick Sad Little World” Boyd of Incubus, Trent “Mr. Self Destruct” Reznor of Nine Inch Nails
What’s so hot about him? So you’re drawn to this kind of guy? Allow us to analyze his appeal by asking: How could anyone who’s never been pregnant be so miserable? The king of pain is a man of mystery, which is what intrigues you… and if you can heal him, you’ll be his heroine. Besides, you both look so good in black.
What he means to you: “You want a project, not a relationship,” says Blake, who points out that nurturing skills are basic to many women. Taking care of someone puts you in a power position and gives you a lot of control. “It also distracts you from your own problems; you don’t have to address your demons because his are so out there,” Blake says. Trouble is, you may be trying to fix someone who doesn’t want to be fixed — and that’s frustrating. There’s also a chance he could drag you down into his negativity. Blake advises that you listen to your gut about this guy. If you’re feeling sad and/or worried all the time, the relationship is unhealthy.

Nina Malkin is the author of An Unlikley Cat Lady: Feral Adventures In the Backyard Jungle. Wondering about the other side of this story? Read Guys: Who’s your songbird?.

Signs she’s seriously smitten with you

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(Phatforums News / Match.com) — Maybe in an alternate universe, women approach men by simply saying: “Hello. I find you ever so attractive and intriguing! Wanna date?” But sadly, on this planet, it’s not quite that simple. Sure, some women might prefer in-your-face flirting techniques and courting ploys, but most give off more subtle signals that can be almost impossible to read. And in case you’re wondering if one such lovely specimen is batting her eyes at you, here are a few clues to help you figure it out.

Sign #1: She teases you by subtly drawing attention to her neck, shoulders and wrists
Body language speaks volumes — and goes well beyond the blatant hair toss many women use to attract . Shrugging her shoulders, flashing the inside of her wrists, massaging her own neck and basically any kind of unconscious self-touching are all subtle to woo her. “We stroke ourselves for two reasons,” explains , author of Hot : How to Have One. “First to draw attention to a body part itself, and second, to subconsciously tease the person who is watching us.” So if she’s making you , it’s because she wants to push your buttons — so, consider that a big green light to start the chase in earnest.

Sign #2: She displays a few girlish in your presence
Dating may still make you feel like a giddy teenager for : Grown women can really regress around particular men whom they find attractive. Witness the giggling, blushing, and whispering to a friend with one hand covering her mouth while she glances your way; in fact, her voice may even go a full octave higher than usual when she speaks to you. “Noticeable changes may result as one imagines the risk of rejection involved with pursuing a new ,” says Molly Barrow, Ph.D., author of Matchlines for Singles. So guys, remember to take that girlish goofiness as a compliment — and don’t worry about it becoming a permanent fixture, either. “As her lessens, the behavior will improve,” advises Dr. Barrow.

Sign #3: When she checks you out, her eye movements follow a very specific visual pattern
If a woman looks at you in a triangular pattern — i.e., going first from one eye, then dipping to your mouth, chest (or even lower) before traveling back up to your other eye — she’s sizing you up… big time. “Eye movement studies show that we look at different parts of other people depending on the situation and level of attractiveness,” explains Cox. “With people we’re attracted to, the triangle broadens” in order to take on more of the face or body as a whole.

Sign #4: She asks you a million questions about your life
When a woman’s really into you, she’ll grill you just like a steak. “She’ll ask everything about you — your work, your childhood, your likes and dislikes,” says Janice Hoffman, author of Relationship Rules. And if she asks about the future (for instance, “Where do you see yourself in five years?”), she’s scrutinizing your soul mate potential. Granted, this interrogation-like treatment often tends to bother men. To counter this approach, ask her lots of questions — Hoffman says that women can’t get enough of them, just as long as they’re not too personal.

Sign #5: She actively listens without interrupting during your conversation
Sometimes it’s what a woman doesn’t say that signals interest on her behalf. “Refraining from interruption during your conversation shows that your date has respect for you and is also probably interested in what you’re saying,” says Hoffman. So if she’s hanging onto your every word, rest assured that you’ve got her in your thrall.

Sign #6: She stealthily starts moving into your personal space
Has she nudged her latte closer to your cappuccino? Is she resting her hand on your side of the table? Yep, she’s moving in on you. “We use our hands to signal interest by moving them into the other person’s personal space,” explains Cox. And if she’s fidgeting or fiddling with her drink, silverware, or something else on the table, even better; that means she’s got some nervous energy brewing and wants to touch you, but can’t quite bring herself to span the divide just yet.

Sign #7: She hurls a few innocent digs your way
Snide remarks, like: “Who said you could wear a shirt like that?” or “So you think you’re smart, huh?” might seem like bad news, but as long as the teasing is being delivered with a smile, you can assume it’s meant as playful banter on her part. If she’s dishing out a dig, she most likely means the opposite — that she’s impressed by you, but too nervous to say so and worried she’ll embarass herself.

Sign #8: She seems to engage in perpetual preening throughout the night
Don’t mistake interest for vanity if your date seems to constantly be checking out her reflection, fixing her hair, or smoothing her outfit back into place. Dr. Barrow believes these mini-grooming gestures indicate that a woman isn’t self-obsessed; rather, she is just trying to look good to you as consistently as she possibly can.

Sign #9: She asks you for updates about issues you’ve mentioned during past conversations
“Did you have that talk with your boss?” “How was the hockey ?” “Is your roommate feeling better?” If you’re hearing questions like these – i.e., follow-ups on things you mentioned recently in her presence – it’s a clear indication that this woman really digs you. She remembers what you say and cares enough to inquire about what’s going on in your life, even when it has nothing to do with her.

Sign #10: Inconsequential contact
Before a first kiss is even on your agenda, a woman who’s hot for you will find excuses to make inconsequential contact with you physically. Whether it’s lightly patting your knee when you’ve said something funny, brushing lint off of your lapel, or plucking a loose thread at your sleeve, Hoffman says that all of these non-intimate methods of making contact are intended to build mutual trust and show you that she cares.

Now that you know how to read between the lines and tell if a woman’s really into you, use this information to your advantage on your next date!

For the other side of the story, read: Signs that he’s genuinely into you.

Nina Malkin is the author of An Unlikely Cat Lady: Feral Adventures in the Backyard Jungle.

Golf Azinger: Tiger acted like south end of a northbound mule

c884d248b2b16eb35ae62440841c5cc7 Golf Azinger: Tiger acted like south end of a northbound mule

(PhatzRadio / USA Today) has always been a fan. But he didn’t like the club-kicking he saw at Augusta.

BUBBA WATSON: You can now get a Bubba-pink driver

Appearing on Sirius XM Mad Dog , the former said “Tiger’s this week were an to the , to the membership at Augusta. I was really disappointed to see him carry on that way. He’s not trying to endear himself to anybody. And after he won Bay Hill I thought, ‘here we go again, this is going to be Tiger just kicking and .’ I don’t know. I thought he acted like the south end of a northbound mule.” (Thanks to Hank Gola of the for the tip)

Azinger wasn’t impressed by the played either saying while his career would never compares to Woods’ that “….in the I’ve played for a living I’ve never been as lost as he looked out there.”

Golf Azinger: Tiger acted like south end of a northbound mule is a post from: PhatzRadio.com

 Golf Azinger: Tiger acted like south end of a northbound mule

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10 Kinds Of Men Every Woman Needs In Her Life

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(Phatforms News / The Frisky) — We are exploring a wide variety of things that every woman needs. Let’s start with the obvious: MEN. Ladies, protest all you want, but the is that we need them. And not just in the romantic, reproductive or changing sense. The men in our lives fill a wide variety of important roles. After the jump, the kinds of guys every woman needs to have on her team.

1. The doting father figure. He can be a grandfather, a father, a or an uncle. Or he can be totally unrelated to you. Point being, you trust this man wholeheartedly. He loves you unconditionally and always has your best interests at . I am lucky to have a whole family full of these guys.

2. The ex you know you can still call. For advice, a shoulder to cry on, or to ask for music recommendations. I have an ex who I still consult whenever I buy electronics. I trust him implicitly to make computer-related for me and would never purchase without his consent.

3. The ex you know you can never call again. Presumably this guy, whatever he did, made you a more kick ass woman. This alone makes him necessary. You’ll never forget him, but you’ll also never speak to him ever, ever again.

4. The totally platonic male best friend. Yes, I believe this kind of is possible. I have known mine since I was 15. I am lucky enough to have him live in the same city as me. We have dinner about once a month. It’s comforting to have someone in my life who still remembers when I was an awkward, angsty Goth girl who wrote . And he loves to remind me of it.

5. The man you love, but would never have a relationship with. You’ve resigned yourself to the fact that he is wonderful and amazing when it comes to his , but with his romantic interests, he’s a complete . This makes it easy for you to adore him as a friend and easy for him to return the without his .

6. The man who has encouraged you in your career. This can be a teacher or a colleague, or any man who believed in you when you didn’t. There was a guy I knew in college who always used to tell me I was destined for greatness. When I was at low points in my career, I often thought of him and his encouragement buoyed me. He still sends me emails like, “I can’t wait to read your first book” or “Have you considered doing screenplays?”

7. The man you can call to help you move your couch. Or if you have a gas leak. Or if you think someone just broke into your apartment. Or if you’re me, the guy you call when you’ve trapped a cockroach under a glass in your kitchen and you think you’ll die if you have to dispose of it on your own. For the record, I change my own lightbulbs.

8. The man who adores you exactly the way you are. Whether you’ve had any kind of romantic involvement with this man or not, he thinks you are the goddamn dog’s pajamas. Everything single thing you do. Everything single thing you say. He adores every bit of it. You can do no wrong in this man’s eyes. Even though you often do wrong. And when you do, he politely looks the other way.

9. The guy who flirts with you but doesn’t expect anything in return. There is a man who owns a flower shop in my neighborhood. I walk by his shop every morning on the way to the subway. Every day, he smiles and waves. He tells me I look lovely. He tells me I smell nice. Bless him. For, without him, there would be no spring in my step at 8 a.m. on a Monday.

10. The man who gets your jokes. There has to be one man in your life that you can kill, absolutely slay with your jokes. I can think of many men who find me funny, not to brag or anything, but the one who I enjoy making laugh the very most is my little brother, Adam. I have the most practice with him too. I have been perfecting my stand up act on him for more than 20 years. If you meet him, ask him about his favorite routine, The Bird With The Broken Wing.

Breakups gone bad

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(Phatforums News / Match.com) — Tsk, tsk. If you heard any details about Charlie Sheen’s divorce from Brooke Mueller, the disastrous end of and ’s marriage or the never ending about the for the split between Camille and Kelsey Grammer, you might first be inclined to shake your head at the way some of these couples treated each other. One has to wonder: they loved each other once… why can’t they just peacefully part ways? And what about the children involved?

Well, anyone who’s ever loved and lost knows the answer to that question: Pretty much all of us have stooped to less-than-civilized behavior in the wake of a breakup. Dr. Gilda Carle, author of Don’t on the Prince! How to Have the Man You Want By Betting on Yourself says some people may even slip into a type of due to a breakup-induced chemical imbalance in the body. “Endorphins — feel-good chemicals that flood your body when you’re in a new — are tremendously powerful,” she explains. “And when they’re suddenly taken away, you can go into withdrawal.”

We’re not saying the lovelorn shouldn’t be held culpable for their actions. But maybe, just maybe, we should cut them a little slack. So if you yourself have ever caved and done something extreme, mean, or just plain bizarre after a split, don’t worry — you are hardly alone. The true tales below from guilty parties (and a few on the receiving end of their ) may just get you thinking, “Thank god, at least I didn’t do that!”

She put it in writing
“I’d been dating my guy Tony for a few months and had pretty much moved in with him. One weekend we had plans to go away to a bed and breakfast on . As we got up and I started the coffee, he said, ‘Babe, this isn’t working. I cancelled our reservation for the weekend. I’ll go out for a run, and when I come back, you and your stuff should be gone.’ Then he went out jogging. Something snapped, and after I packed my few belongings while leaving a trail of tears, I found a nice, fat indelible marker. I wrote ‘Tony is a meanie’ all over his good work shirts (he was in finance, and they were nice shirts…). Not very mature, but I figure, hey, he didn’t break up with me in a mature way. I took pleasure in hearing from friends that he went ballistic when he saw my handiwork.”
- Michele, 41, Seattle, WA

The not-so-sweet smell of defeat
“I’d been courting Sarah for a while, but she always came up with more and more hoops for me to jump through. She’d demand tickets to hot sports events, nights at clubs that were insanely hard to get into, and so forth. But I was crazy about her, and jump I did. Well, one weekend the deal was that she wanted a lobster dinner for her and her girlfriends. I set it all up on the patio at my apartment complex and spent way too much money on the lobster and everything. Over dessert, she tells me she’s not really feeling it with me, but thanks for a lovely meal. I plastered a big smile on my face when I heard the news, but inside, something snapped. While she was enjoying the dessert, I scooped up all the starting-to-smell leftover lobster — shells and everything — and put it in a nice little shopping bag and then snuck it into the trunk of her Mercedes. I hope the ‘you stink’ message came through loud and clear when she discovered the surprise at some point in the following days.”
- Sam, 37, Baltimore, MD

You could cut the tension with a…
“We had a difficult relationship from the start, so when I broke up with her, I was kind of prepared for trouble… but not this kind of trouble! Turns out she had copied my keys without my knowledge, so I came home one night to find my ex sitting on my bed, surrounded by every knife from my kitchen. Nervously, I asked her to leave. Then she picked up one of the knives and flung it in my direction! It whizzed past my head and actually made a BOING noise as it thunked into the wall. She said, ‘Omigod, I can’t believe I did that!’ and I said, ‘Omigod, I can’t believe you got it to stick in the door like that!’ It broke the spell, and without another word, she sheepishly left the building, never to be heard from again. Thank goodness!”
- Ed, 38, Woodstock, NY

Identity bereft
“When my boyfriend of 10 years broke up with me, yes, I went a bit nuts. Even though we co-owned our apartment, once he left I changed the locks and began digging through his things. I wrote down his social security number (for what? So I could apply for benefits?), hid his passport (again, why? So he couldn’t flee the country?), went through his bank statements (why?!), and I held his computer, clothes, and all of his possessions hostage. I’m amazed he didn’t call the cops on me. Eventually he and I reached a truce and I allowed him to collect his things, and today — believe it or not — we’re actually great pals. Maybe it’s because I got all of my anger out of my system!”
- Carrie, 36, New York City, NY

Creating a scene
“When a guy named Tim dumped me unceremoniously, I convinced myself that he really did love me, he just needed to be convinced of that fact. So I went to work — literally — borrowing my company’s video-editing equipment to compile a reel of the funniest breakup scenes from every movie I could think of. They were all there: Say Anything, Postcards from the Edge, The Single Guy (a particular classic)… just the heartbroken parts, snipped apart and then run together in what I hoped was a funny, charming plea for reconciliation. Funny and charming were two of the things he did not find it. Instead, he found it… psycho! And in retrospect, I must admit: it was a bit over the top. And misguided, and embarrassing… and the bottom line is, it didn’t work. What a waste of time and energy!”
- Amy, 39, San Francisco, CA

Rank and file (deletion)
“I’d been with my girlfriend for almost seven years when she suddenly left me. I was sad for awhile, but then I found out she’d been cheating on me for a long time — that’s when I really went nuts. She’d left her password on my computer, and I quickly found out it was her password to everything. So I logged onto her work account and deleted all her emails, her files, and anything else I could find. She could never prove it was me, though she did call me in a frenzy to ask if I’d done it. At that moment, I suddenly realized that, hmm, it was a little crazy. But I honestly think I’d do it all again in a heartbeat.”
- Bryan, 28, Los Angeles, CA

A window into the wounded soul
“My boyfriend and I had broken up, but I sure wasn’t happy about it. So I set about finding an apartment near him and — lo and behold — found one right across the street so my ex had a perfect view of my bedroom. I wasn’t so brazen as to keep the blinds open, but I knew that when they were closed, he’d wonder what was going on. Strangely, he and I almost never ran into each other and he certainly never asked me how I happened to find a place so close to his. He probably thinks it was a fluke and didn’t care one bit — which just goes to show how twisted my mind was at the time!”
- Margaret, 42, Boston, MA

Amy Keyishian has written for Cosmopolitan, Maxim, and other publications.

Girl Talk: How Much Should I Know About My Therapist?

c05855711363c174b615e05c048f35b2 Girl Talk: How Much Should I Know About My Therapist?

(Phatforums News / The Frisky) – We’ve been seeing each other for years; short, weekly sessions that often leave me enlightened, teary-eyed, or with a skip in my step. Ours is one of the most gratifying I’ve ever had, defined by an and comfort level that allows for complete . It took a little while to get there and I was certainly guarded at first, but now? Well, I wouldn’t know where I would be without her.

She’s my therapist. She knows everything about me. But sometimes I wish I knew more about her.

I knew that I had to respect her boundaries. Talking about her was not what I (and my insurance provider) paid her for. (Oh, but could we make an exception just this once? I’ll pay out of pocket!)

I went to see my therapist, Dr. A, yesterday. It had been nearly a month since I last saw her. We both had back-to-back vacations and other so our schedules prevented us from meeting for all of August, the longest I’ve gone without having a session in the over four years I’ve been seeing her. I was looking forward to updating her on a new I was slowly exploring and seeking her advice on how to handle the latest drama with a close family member, whose are part of what sent me into therapy in the first place. I was running late, unfortunately; I hoped we could get through everything in 45 minutes.

When I arrived at her office, Dr. A was in her yoga clothes; apparently she had been doing a few in between her and mine. Over the years, I’ve practiced yoga off and on regularly, and Dr. A had often recommended I make more time for it, especially as a way of managing my . I never realized until that moment though that she was an avid herself. It’s just one of the many times when I’ve wondered what else I don’t know about Dr. A. What’s her life like outside of our weekly 45 minutes together?

I’ve asked plenty of questions over the years, when an opportunity presented itself naturally. I know she’s married to an artist. I know she had a young son who’s on the autism spectrum. I found that fact out a few years ago, when I was a part-time nanny for a very hard to handle four-year-old boy, whose parents seemed in denial that his anger issues went beyond what was “normal.” Dr. A suspected the kid had Sensory Sensitivity, like her son, and talking about him made me think that maybe I knew more about Dr. A than her other patients did. This information also came in handy when I was dating a man with autism. She had so many insights that helped in my attempts to understand things about him that were “different.”

I know she tried drugs when she was in college. One of the ongoing topics of conversation in our sessions is my relationship with the aforementioned close family member who, among other things, has a rather enthusiastic relationship with many substances, both legal and illegal. When I asked her about her experience with drugs, she was honest. It’s been helpful to know that Dr. A isn’t ignorant to the effects of certain substances that we’ve discussed; it’s made me more confident that she can look at the situations I’ve described both as a complete outsider and as someone who “gets” the appeal drugs can hold.

I’ve had therapists before Dr. A with whom I didn’t feel as comfortable telling about my mistakes, “bad” behaviors, and deepest feelings. Before her, there were a few things I kept under lock and key, not even allowing my consciousness much access. When they were finally let out, oh man, did I feel such relief. Unblocking those things allowed me to plow through a host of other complicated emotions and fears and issues that had been standing in the way of my happiness. But I don’t feel like I’m done yet. Besides, I enjoy my time with Dr. A every week.

“So, how was your vacation?” I asked Dr. A when I sat down in the comfy leather chair directly across from hers. I kicked off my shoes and sat cross-legged, knowing my bare feet didn’t bother her.

“It was wonderful, just awesome,” she said, glowing in a way.

“Rad!” I said. “Where’d you go?” I’d asked her this question before after other vacations and she usually told me enough to get even a little bit more of a sense of who she was.

“I rented a house near where I lived and just stayed there for a week and made art,” she said. “It was blissful.”

Wait, what? Dr. A was an artist? Since when? My mom is an artist, something I’ve mentioned more than a few times in our sessions. How had Dr. A forgotten to tell me she made art too?

“Oh wow, that sounds amazing,” I said. “Did your husband and son come too?”

“Nope, it was just me,” she said, her smile fading a little. “They went to visit relatives in Florida.” I suppose I could see that was as much as she wanted to say, but, well, I pressed on. I was too curious.

“Dr. A, I had no idea you were an artist,” I said.

“Well, once I started pursuing my psychology degree, I put all that stuff away in a box,” she explained. I thought “stuff” just meant paints and canvases and pencils, but she continued. “And all that stuff is coming out suddenly. I’m actually going through some things right now so if I seem a little off sometimes, that’s why.”

The look on her face suggested maybe she had revealed more than she intended and though I was dying to know more—out of my natural born curiosity that compels me to search through strangers’ medicine cabinets, but also concern. Dr. A was having problems? Problems that she was working through by sequestering herself in a house and painting?! Our weekly sessions were of immeasurable help when my ex-fiance suddenly ended our engagement a few years ago; were Dr. A and her husband suddenly having problems too? Did she recently uncover terrible memories from her childhood? The wheels in my head were spinning. The possibilities were endless. Forget talking about the guy I was seeing and the latest family drama, could we please spend the next 30 minutes talking about what was going on with Dr. A? Maybe I could help her.

That was silliness of course and I knew that I had to respect her boundaries. Talking about her personal life was not what I (and my insurance provider) paid her for. (Oh, but could we make an exception just this once? I’ll pay out of pocket!)

“Understood,” I said, smiling reassuringly, both to signal my silent support and that I wouldn’t press further.

But I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since. I’ve always kind of relished little tidbits about Dr. A’s personal life and have allowed my imagination to paint a more vivid picture in which her artist husband is bearded and they eat breakfast on mismatched plates. It’s not that I thought her life was perfect; it’s that she’s always seemed infallible, like her profession meant that she had personally transcended the emotional issues that cripple so many of us. Now I was seeing that Dr. A’s human experience also included problems not entirely dissimilar from the things her patients sought advice from her on. Did I assume her profession made it much easier for her to weather them? I guess so.

I’ll never know the details, but I’m glad she didn’t completely hide the fact that she is having problems of her own. Knowing her life isn’t without its ups and downs, and that she may even have demons of her own that could match mine, has made her even more relatable to me. While I’ll always be fighting the desire to ask more questions, I suspect that our weekly meetings are about to get even more fulfilling. For the first time, I realized that Dr. A, with all her wise advice, is not all that dissimilar from me. And I like and appreciate her even more that way.

Does Revenge Ever Make a Scorned Woman Feel Better?

79a1248a58c0d1bcbfe9238190e9bd11 Does Revenge Ever Make a Scorned Woman Feel Better?

(Phatforums Blog/ The Stir) – I can’t imagine having my destroyed. All of my beloved dresses and shirts. All of my , shorts, and jeans. As much as I hate shopping for that fit my woman parts in an appealing way, that last one would hurt the most. You don’t just into any ol’ store and stumble on a good fitting pair of pants. So I better not just home and discover that the ones I’ve managed to find have been bleached and sliced into fabric mulch.

It happened to a gal in Atlanta a few weeks ago after her lesbian lover finally relinquished the clothes she’d been asking for from their one-time shared apartment. Turning more than $2,000 worth of gear into scarecrow stuffing ended up getting Sally Scissorhands arrested. Oh geez.

Revenge makes for good stories (and blog posts!) but have you ever regretted doing something to “get back” at your soured honey?

C’mon. You can share. Because let me be the first to say that I’m not passing judgment or looking down from on high at nan a person who takes the vengeful route. I’ve been known to pull a spiteful move if I think somebody’s trying to play me. I’ve just never gone the destroy-physical-property-and-run-the-risk-of-being-arrested route, mainly because I admit: I’m terrified of . Even for a few hours. Even for the of getting revenge on a dirty rat bastard, if I had one I wanted to get on.

Heck, as broke as everybody in my is, Lord only knows how long it would take them to wrangle up some bail money. So no thank you very much. I’ll stay on the right side of the law if you don’t mind.

That doesn’t mean I don’t respect other women when they take matters into their own hands and get creative with their random acts of revenge.

Back at my old apartment in the of the ‘hood, where vigilante justice reigns supreme and folks pull Jerry Springer-like on the daily, I watched a woman get out of her truck — in broad daylight, now — and break every single window in some blissfully unsuspecting man’s Ford Explorer. My girl even busted out his side view mirrors. I mean, she was thorough with her vandalism. Then she daintily placed a note under his windshield wiper and went back to work or school or the mall or wherever you go after you maul the glass in somebody’s vehicle in the middle of the afternoon.

Of course, I forgot I hadn’t checked my mailbox yet that day and suddenly felt compelled to go have a looksee right at that very moment. I just so happened to pass the victimized vehicle on my way. The note, scrawled in black Sharpie letters said, “I know you f—ed her. Now I’m f—ing you.”

Dayum. Dayyyyyuuuuummmm. I like her style. I wasn’t around when he came out of the house — I’m surprised I couldn’t hear his screams from anywhere in the 10-mile radius of Washington, D.C. — but I’m sure that’s a message he’ll remember for a mighty long time. I hope the extracurricular lovin’ was worth it, but I’m pretty sure in retrospect, he’d say it wasn’t.

Now there are times when revenge goes way over the top. I’m sure by now y’all have heard about the dude who took out a billboard to accuse his ex-girlfriend of aborting their unborn baby? I can’t even begin to imagine the kind of mean-spiritedness that goes into making that decision. Even though all’s supposed to be fair in love and war, that was hitting way below the belt, especially considering the woman he’s accusing maintains that the loss of their baby was because of a miscarriage, not a willful ending of the pregnancy. Now wouldn’t he qualify to be called and considered a certified ass if he was completely off the mark?

If vengefulness could be rated in spices, like salsa or Chipotle seasonings, mine would be mild with the potential to kick it up into a medium. I don’t even have a really juicy story about playing get-back and I’m slightly disappointed in myself. Still, I believe if you intentionally cross someone, you have to realize that you’re setting yourself up for, say, a busted windshield or a sliced up stack of clothing. That doesn’t make it the mature way to handle the situation. But sometimes, in the heat of an emotional overload, ration takes a backseat to revenge.

So just don’t do whatever it is that might get you caught up on the wrong side of the acting out and you should be a-OK, hmm?