Yes, it’s that time once again: The day we feature your dating and relationship questions. Although we would like to answer each one personally and with as much detail as possible, the overwhelming amount of inquiries forces us to highlight those that are most interesting to AskMen.com readers.

This week’s Q&A focuses on what it means when she doesn’t check her e-mail and using NLP. David DeAngelo, author of Double Your Dating: What Every Man Should Know About How To Be Successful With Women, has your answers.
reader’s comment
Dave “THE MAN,”

This girl that I’m interested in has e-mail but never checks it because, according to what she says, her computer doesn’t work. Go figure. But she did give me her cell phone number and home phone number. The problem is that every time I call her we talk for about 10 to 15 minutes and she says that she’ll call me back later but never does. I mean never! Is this because she is playing hard to get or does it mean that I am just wasting my time and she is not interested? Should I just give up on her completely? How can I become the one who’s in control and have her chasing me instead of me chasing her? How can I get her to start calling me? If you can answer this question, it will be one less thing for me to worry about when dealing with women and I will definitely consider you “THE MAN.”

Thanks,

-R.
david d. responds
Where in my e-book or newsletters have you ever heard me say to talk on the phone for 10 to 15 minutes? Exactly. Nowhere. Why do you think this is?

Because the more time you spend talking at the very beginning (when getting her e-mail and number, while on the phone setting up the next meeting, etc.) the more likely you are to screw it up.

Don’t waste time.

Getting her e-mail and digits should take three to five minutes or so. Setting up a place to get together should take about the same.

Here, I’ll do another of my wonderful translations for you:

You call up and say: “Hi, it’s Irwin from last night calling… How are you? What are you doing? Oh, doing your hair, really? Cool. So, that was some band last night, huh? Pretty crowded bar, huh? Oh, sure… You need to go? Well, will you call me back later? OK, great, talk to you then.”

What she hears: “Hi, I’m lame and uncreative and I am interested in you, but I’m nervous and don’t know how to ask you out, so I think I’ll just talk about some lame, boring, mundane things and hope that maybe you’ll have pity on me and offer to meet me sometime.”

Are you with me?

For the rest of this answer involving a girl who doesn’t check her e-mail, click through…

You need to call up and say: “Hey, I don’t have long to talk, but I wanted to touch base and say ’Hi.’ I’m going to be busy today and tomorrow night, but let’s get together Saturday for a cup of tea and some stimulating conversation.”

Bang and done.

If you really want to use the advanced tactics, read my book and learn about how to use the “friendship frame” to disarm her at the end of the conversation.

Now, no more calling up these poor, cute women and boring them for 15 minutes until they say: “Hey, I have to go, but I’ll call you back later.”
reader’s question
I read that you had done a lot of NLP training yourself. I’m 32 years old now and at the point where I need to focus on one route that leads to my goal of becoming PUA. I know some people would say take bits of this and bits of that and find out what works for you, however, I want your personal opinion on this one. Do you use any NLP at all when attempting to create attraction in a woman? Is NLP necessary? What about things like eliciting values and anchoring them to you; are they required in creating attraction with a woman? What would you tell a newbie who had the choice of learning NLP in terms of getting good with women, would you tell them to bother with it?

I’m now thinking of completely focusing my energy on perfecting the “Cocky & Funny” approach and not wasting any more time on things that are not necessary for me to become good in this game. I need your advice on this one. Thanks for the good work; I’m looking forward to you writing more books about this whole game.

G.
david d. responds
For those of you that don’t know, “NLP” stands for Neuro Linguistic Programming and there’s a lot of buzz about how this can help you in all areas of life. From psychological issues to earning money to meeting more women.

Yes, I have spent a lot of time learning about NLP, and I’ve tried a lot of NLP ideas when it comes to meeting women.

The simplest answer I can give you is this:

The best use of NLP is to find guys who are very successful with women and then use it to learn what those guys do naturally. I think a lot of people mistakenly try to take the parts of NLP that relate to therapy, influence and persuasion, and try to apply those models to women and dating.

Believe me, I’ve tried this stuff extensively, and I’ve come to the conclusion that there is a much better way.

My success took off when I started watching what the really successful guys did when they were with women, then refining the ideas and looking for the common elements.

For instance, the Cocky & Funny idea comes directly from a good friend of mine who is very good at attracting women. Once I learned it from him, I began to notice that almost all of the guys I know, who attract a lot of women, use it.

I don’t think you have to reinvent the wheel. Just do what works and if what you’re doing is working, then keep it up.

David DeAngelo

This article is sponsored in part by DoubleYourDating.com (What’s this?)

David DeAngelo is the author of the book Double Your Dating: What Every Man Should Know About How To Be Successful With Women, and several other products that can help men become more successful with women and dating. He also publishes a free online Dating Tips newsletter, available at www.DoubleYourDating.com.

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