It is a documented fact that couples who talk in bed have happier relationships. Pillow talk is a special time when you are lying down with the person you love in the intimate setting of your bed. Pillow talk may be before or after making love, or it doesn’t have to involve sex at all — that’s the beauty of it.
Pillow talk is special to women because of the physical closeness and the words whispered. Women like pillow talk as much as any man because sharing intimacy and being close emotionally and physically to someone feels good. It always helps to have your ego stroked by someone who loves you and wants to be with you.
Read on to master the ins and outs of pillow talk.
What she wants to hear
Obviously this varies considerably from woman to woman, but overall she just wants your time and attention in a private environment. She wants you to tell her that she’s beautiful, that she is clever, that she is funny, that she is a wonderful partner, or whatever it is that you think and feel.
Surveys on pillow talk reveal that people like hearing their own name because it increases rapport and intimacy. Recall how in everyday life when someone says your name, you instantly feel more noticed, useful or special.
What she doesn’t want to hear
Whatever you do, don’t use this opportunity to say anything negative. Sharing the moment positively will always ensure that this time is special for you both. If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. Bedtime is for loving, relaxing and sleeping — rejuvenating from your everyday lives. It is not a time for arguing or picking faults in your mate.
Don’t use pillow talk time to bring up issues in your relationship or to discuss chores, work, family or friends; keep it as “us” time.
What she wants to talk about
Intimate performance review
This topic is reasonably easy — there must be something she does very well that you love, so tell her. Being appreciated feels good to everyone. Start off with something like, “It feels really good when you…”
Keep your plans romantic. The meals you may share, the time you will spend together, the sex you may have — these are good topics because they are based on an expectation of the next day. Do not discuss household chores (unless you plan on making them romantic or sexy), work or other people.
Pillow talk doesn’t have to drag through the night…
Distant future planning
A holiday you are planning, a trip away, a weekend at home — discuss whatever it is you are doing together in the future that will be enjoyable, in a romantic way of course. Dreaming about the future may include future sex, food, adventures or even having your own family. Don’t discuss controversial topics. This type of conversation is great because it is based on fantasy; the trip, sex or good-looking kids who excel at everything may be a long way off, but talking about the future connects you together.
How long she wants to talk for
Obviously, it is not convenient to have pillow talk every time you are in bed. There are a billion other things that always need doing — like sleeping, having sex, eating, and working — that spending the time being intimate is often left out. Sex is still on the agenda, but pillow talk is not about sex, it’s about love. If you find yourself lacking time but still want to get the brownie points for making the effort, think a little bit more about quality and not quantity.
You need to be present, and I don’t just mean be there in bed next to her. I mean, you have to be present emotionally. If you are not really there — thinking about the sandwich or a football game that you are missing — she will know. Choose your time carefully, and you will find it easy to fulfill both of your emotional pillow talk desires without causing conflict.
Pillow talk does not have to take a long time. In fact, it might be as little as a couple of minutes spent reliving a past memory you have together and how wonderful it was, daydreaming about your next adventure, or simply giving her a nice compliment. She will go to sleep with a smile on her face. Remember: You reap the benefits in numerous ways when you have a cheerful lover.
Goodnight and good luck
Open, loving communication with your partner in the intimate setting of your bed is to be treasured. It is important to take the time — despite the risk of being a bit tired the next day. Nurturing and loving relationships last longer, and are happier — it’s a fact. And, yes, it will likely result in more frequent and better sex for you.