Yes, it’s that time once again: The day we feature your dating and relationship questions. Although we would like to answer each one personally and with as much detail as possible, the overwhelming amount of inquiries forces us to highlight those that are most interesting to AskMen.com readers.

This week’s Q&A focuses on why making the first move is so important and how a picture of you and dolphins seems to have a profound affect on women. David DeAngelo, author of Double Your Dating: What Every Man Should Know About How To Be Successful With Women, has your answers.
reader’s comment
Hey David,

Before I ask you my question, I am aware of the “let’s take it slow” reply women lay down on us when we go for the kiss when they flat out don’t feel it. As much as my situation may reflect that, it was a bit different, to me that is. On our second date, it was going real well with light contact (holding hands), I was making her laugh, she was telling me what she liked about me — good body language from both of us, etc., etc. Just plain good news!

At the end of the night, we were walking side-by-side and she said something about her never breaking any rules when she was younger. I said: “How about we break the first rule right now?”

She said: “What is that?”

I grabbed her and softly spun her to face me and slowly go 90% of the way and hold her while one hand was cupping her neck. Her reaction seemed positive and surprised, and she didn’t go for the kiss. I asked her: “What’s wrong?”

She said: “I’m just very surprised, you caught me off guard.”

The kiss never really properly happened.

She said: “We should take it slow.” And I said: “You know what? You’re right.”

She said: “Really? You’re not joking?”

Me: “Ya, totally, let’s grab a cab and go watch a movie.”

This is where things confused me. She came home with me and we slept together with arms around each other etc. No sex. I didn’t pull any moves — I just didn’t feel it was the right thing. What do you think? Keep in mind, David, she was one week away from going to Hong Kong for a month and a half, so that is my reasoning behind the whole “take it slow thing,” but I might be wrong. You tell me if I Wussed out at the end.

Thanks man. Hope to hear from you.

Joe, Montreal
david d. responds
Let’s see.

You didn’t “pull any moves” because you didn’t feel it was the “right thing.”

So — what’s the problem?

I’m not in the position to decide for you what is “right” or “wrong.”

Sounds to me like you have some regret that you didn’t try to take things to a physical level.

It may be less about right or wrong, and more about you being frustrated because you gave in to fear and didn’t take action.

Also, I think you’re reading too much into the situation.

So, she’s leaving for a long trip — is that a reason not to enjoy yourselves now?

Nice job doing what you thought was the stand-up thing to do — just don’t beat yourself up for it afterward when things don’t go where you really wanted them to.

I think deep down inside a lot of guys feel there’s something “wrong” with going for a kiss, etc. — and this screws with their heads and makes all sorts of mistakes happen.

The fact is, women like kissing just as much as men — if not more (depending on the woman).

So, thinking you’re doing her a favor by not going for a kiss, when it’s what you want and what you think she wants too may not be doing anyone a favor.

Something to think about.

Making the first move is important, but so is understanding online dating…

reader’s comment
Hey David,

I was wondering if you could offer any wisdom on what you’ve gained from writing and responding to online personal ads. I’m not having a great deal of luck so far. Specifically, my questions are:

1. How brief should your descriptions of yourself and/or your ideal catch be? I’ve heard it said that “brevity is the soul of wit,” but you also want to be memorable, right?
2. When writing descriptions, should you stick with Cocky & Funny? I’ve noticed that humor often doesn’t translate well in written form, so I wasn’t sure how to go about all of that.
3. I think I read in a previous newsletter that you recommend not posting a picture. At the same time, I tend to avoid ads without pictures due to having one too many blind dates that ended with me throwing a stick and shouting “Fetch!” in order to distract her long enough to get away. Don’t you think that by omitting a picture on your ad women might pass you up for the same reasons? Or am I mistaken?

An apprentice,
J.
david d. responds
You’ve asked some questions that really require more of an in-depth treatment, but here are a few pointers that have taken me years to figure out:

1. If you’re going to go online to get dates, look at the new profiles that are placed daily and respond as soon as a woman places her ad. Attractive women typically get 50 to 100 responses per day to personal ads, and it’s very easy to get overwhelmed. You’ll notice that a lot of women take their ads down after just a few days. This is why.
2. Be charming and funny (also known as Cocky & Funny) in your replies and your ad. Write things like: “I was looking through all these ads here on the internet thinking to myself; ‘Look at all the poor, desperate, lonely women.’ And then I saw your ad and thought to myself: ‘Hey, here’s a poor, desperate, lonely woman who’s actually cute.’ So I thought I’d write and see if you’re as interesting on the inside as you are in this picture.”
3. I recently got an e-mail from a guy who had his picture taken with some dolphins, and he’s getting tons of responses from that. I’ve never done it myself, but it sounds like a great idea!

David DeAngelo

This article is sponsored in part by DoubleYourDating.com (What’s this?)

David DeAngelo is the author of the book Double Your Dating: What Every Man Should Know About How To Be Successful With Women, and several other products that can help men become more successful with women and dating. He also publishes a free online Dating Tips newsletter, available at www.DoubleYourDating.com.

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