(Phatforums News / The Frisky) --- So sang the band Elizabeth and the Catapult. Truer words were never spoken. Alas, mama’s boys don’t exactly ring your doorbell and announce themselves. They get you hook, line and sinker with their great relationship with their mom. Then you see he’s fielding phone calls from Mom at all hours of the days or night. Then you realize he can’t make decisions about real-life stuff because he’s so used to her making all those decisions for him. When he keeps his mouth shut while she criticizing you for your arrabiata recipe/housecleaning/haircut, you realize you’re screwed. So. Screwed. This Mother’s Day, be good to your mama, but stay away those mama’s boys. After the jump, nine reasons to steer clear! He prioritizes what his mom wants over what he wants or what you want. All. The Damn. Time. He will expect you to do everything she did for him, like his laundry and packing his lunch. He’ll spend more of his free time on weekends with his mother ”fixing her dishwasher” than with you. He will side with his mother on everything. He always remembers her birthday. But your anniversary? Not so much. He’s not so good at making decisions because she’s always made them for him. He’s used to being babied, so he gets all bent out of shape when things don’t’ go his way. He’s susceptible to manipulation. Not just from her, but from anyone in a position of relative power, like his boss or friends. She might end up going on the honeymoon with you. True story. It happened to a friend of someone the Frisky staff! (They’re divorced now.) Any therapist will tell you, mommy issues run deep. Take it from one who knows — that would be moi — kick his diaper-covered butt to the curb faster than you can say “Bunny McDougal.” Contact the author of this post at Jessica@TheFrisky.com. Follow me on Twitter at @JessicaWakeman. … [Read more...]
10 Priceless Mother’s Day Gifts You’ll Probably Never Receive
(Phatforums News / The Stir) --- This Sunday is Mother's Day. And like most dads, I'm proud to say I still don't have a friggin' clue what I'm getting for my wife. Yes, I'll be sure to have the kids make some homemade cards full of plenty of shiny stickers and adorable crayon drawings of things we won't be able to decipher. But what about the gift? Cookie trays, fun spatulas or any other kitchen gadget seems as bad as getting dad a tie for Father's Day. I hate ties. Nobody likes ties. So I came up with a list of the perfect gifts my kids can give their mom and they truly are priceless. Meaning, they won't cost a cent. Bonus! Here's a list of 10 things my kids should give my wife for Mother's Day: Do their homework without being asked. Heck, doing your homework even when being asked would be a great gift. Go 24 hours without fighting with his brother. Nothing says, "I love you, Mom" more than not hearing, "I hate you, Jake" every 10 minutes. Eat something besides chicken nuggets or mac & cheese. Sorry but these wonderfully processed foods are not part of the four major food groups. Or even that funky pyramid. Make their own bed. Don't just toss a blanket over the crumpled sheets and pile of stuffed animals, really tuck everything in neatly. Don't mess up the house. This one's easy. Just sit in one spot and... Don't. Touch. Anything. Let mommy talk on the phone. Even if it's a life-threatening situation like you can't find your Level 17 Bulbasaur Pokemon card, just fight that urge. Shut off the lights. When you leave a room, shut the lights off. That goes for your bedroom, the playroom, the living room, the kitchen, etc. Sleep late. As in, don't wake up at 6 a.m. Not even 7 a.m. Sleep is good for you. You're getting sleepy... Clean your room. Seriously, stepping on Legos with your bare feet hurts. A lot. Pee before you leave. I know, I know. You don't have to go. Really. But just this one day, go before you get in the car for the long trip to grandma's house. … [Read more...]
7 Ways To Survive The Second Date Slump
(Phatforums News / The Frisky) --- When you finally meet someone you connect with, that first date feels like magic. The conversation flows smoothly, the chemistry is electric, and you wish that the night would never end. Which is why you’re so surprised when on the second date, you feel like you’re out with a totally different person. Between all the awkward pauses, you’re wondering what you saw in this guy. Or maybe he’s just as magical as last time, but it’s you that’s off this time. Even though you can usually hold up your end of a sparkling conversation with a brick wall, your mind is suddenly blank and you have nothing to say. Reaching for something, anything, you offer, “The fish tank behind the bar is so … watery!” wishing you could jump into it and swim far, far away. You’ve just hit the second date slump. First dates may be nerve-racking, but they’re a piece of cake compared to what comes after. On a date number one, it’s all about first impressions and putting your best foot forward. Since you don’t know this person and aren’t emotionally invested yet, there’s very little at stake. It’s easy to be light and breezy when you’re talking about standard getting-to-know-you topics. Any commonalities feel like they signify relationship potential and are a cause for celebration. First dates are also about romance—a nice dinner at the perfect restaurant, a moonlit stroll around the block, that first kiss—and everything feels exciting and new. On the second date, reality starts to creep in. As you take a step closer towards getting to know someone (and letting them get to know you), the stakes are raised. While you might be a pro at first impressions, you could find yourself shutting down and checking out on the second date as the possibility of intimacy becomes more real. Just like the helicopter-flown dates to private concerts on tropical islands on “The Bachelor” are not realistic or sustainable, the magic and romance of a first date can’t last forever either. If you compare your second date to the first, you’ll often be disappointed. Wondering why it isn’t measuring up, why there are boring stretches and awkward pauses and all the excitement is gone, you could feel like this guy is all wrong for you and be ready to send him home without a rose. But if you can hang in there and survive the second date slump, you are that much closer to true intimacy and a fulfilling relationship that outshines even the alluring luster of a magical first date. Here are some tips to get you over the hump: 1. Plan a low-pressure date. Your first date was at the best table at the best restaurant in town, followed by drinks in a cozy corner of a romantic wine bar, topped off with a kiss so passionate it set off fireworks. Don’t even try to beat that! To take the pressure off, do something so different and low-key that you won’t be tempted to compare it to your all-the-planets-aligned first date. If you … [Read more...]
North Carolina’s Gay Marriage Ban Should Include These Marriages Too
(Phatforums News / The Stir) --- As we all know by now, North Carolina voted to pass Amendment One, which bans marriage and domestic legal unions between members of the same sex. This was done, of course, to protect the sanctity of marriage. But let's face it. Divorce rates are pretty high -- as high as 50 percent in a lot of studies. And the vast majority of those people are not same sex partners since, you know, that's still illegal in most states. So I'm putting it out there and saying that the sanctity of marriage is under attack -- by heteros! There are many factors that help contribute to the sky high divorce rate. Younger people tend to get divorced more often, so perhaps there should be a ban on anyone under 25 getting married. I've also read studies that people with high levels of "neuroticism" -- those who tend see the negative in everything -- also get divorced more often. No more marriage for you, neurotic types! Here's 7 other types of marriages North Carolina should consider banning: Carnivore/vegetarian marriages. He wants burgers, she wants brown rice and tofu. She says he's going to drop dead of a heart attack, he tells her she eats like a rabbit. Can they ever just have a peaceful meal? Cat person/dog person marriages. He wants Rover on the bed. She wants him outside. He thinks Fluffy looks at him strangely. She agrees -- that's why she loves Fluffy. Rover and Fluffy routinely try to kill each other. It's chaos all around. Millionaire/flat broke marriages. After all, money arguments are the number one cause of marital splits, not being of the same sex. Slob/neat-nik marriages. While this makes for funny television, it makes for a miserable real life cohabitation. Remember how Kim Kardashian was a neat freak and Kris Humphries would scatter his clothes and sneakers everywhere? Think how long that lasted. Classic style/Modern style marriages. There's nothing worse than when a couple moves in together and are decorating and he's all like, "We've got to have that black marble monolith tabletop," and she's all, "That is definitely NOT going to work with the 18th century mahogany dumbwaiter." These two will never get on the same page. Daily Show/Fox News marriages. Woah. How the hell did these two ever hook up to begin with? Celebrity marriages/Any marriage being filmed for reality TV. Enough said. … [Read more...]
8 Ways To Be Positive You’re Sex Positive
(Phatforums News / The Frisky) --- Here in the land of lady blogs, most of us believe that sex and exploring your sexuality is a great thing. “Sex positive” is the go-to term for this, which is the philosophy that all consensual expressions of sexuality are good and healthy. Sex positivity also includes advocating for sex education and safer sex. Sounds good, right? But simply labeling yourself “sex-positive” doesn’t necessarily mean you are. After hanging around the sex blogosphere for the last couple of years, I’ve been schooled in the way I think about sex. After the jump, some things to keep in mind if you want to be truly positive you’re sex positive. 1. Having sex is healthy, but so is not having sex. Some people are legitimately asexual, meaning they don’t experience sexual attraction. About 1 percent of the population, at the very least, identifies as asexual. And some people are gray-sexual, which is a more fluid orientation between asexual and sexual. So is everyone a sexual being? Is sex essential and beautiful? No, not for everyone. And yet, there is an idea that wanting sex all the time should be the goal. But some people just don’t want to have sex all the time, or at all. Sex positivity has long been about “owning our desires” but it should also be about owning our lack of desire, which is totally OK. 2. Stop glamorizing sex. There can be pressure when you decide you are sex positive to talk about the healthy sex you are having,as though it’s somehow better than other peoples’ “regular” sex, or lack thereof. I used to do this in high school. I was fond of bragging about all the crazy sex stuff I was into. Looking back, I’m not even sure what I meant. That I owned a plaid skirt from Hot Topic? That I watched anime porn with my boyfriend? Talking about your sex life as if it’s better than someone else’s is glamorizing sex, and that doesn’t move the dialog forward. Just look at all those sexy advertising campaigns. It’s not much different than that. And in fact, glamorizing helps cement the idea that sex all the time should be the goal instead of knowing your desire levels and honoring those. 3. Slut-shaming also means shaming people who are more “out of the box” with their sexuality than you. Many of us felt it wasn’t cool when Rush Limbaugh called women who take birth control “sluts.” And since 80 percent of American women take those slut-pills, the majority of women reading this article are, in Rush’s opinion, “sluts.” If you felt that was slut-shaming, maybe you were also down with SlutWalk and the idea that wearing something skimpy doesn’t mean you are “asking for it.” These things make sense, right? And yet, slut-shaming continues to be a common practice. When my cool, urbanite friend said she “felt bad” for women in pornography, that was slut-shaming. When the (now defunct) revenge porn site “Up all Night” published nude photos of people without … [Read more...]
10 Reasons Long-Distance Relationships Are Awesome
(Phatforums News / The Stir) --- Most people will tell you that long-distance relationships are a LOT of work. Most people will tell you that long-distance romances are not worth it. Most people? They're wrong. Long-distance relationships can do wonders for both of you -- in terms of personal growth and development as well as in testing the strength of the bond between you. Here's why long-distance relationships can be amazing! 1) Rather than rely on physical cues, in a long-distance relationship, you learn to rely on proper communication skills to get your message across. 2) Long-distance relationships make you truly appreciate the moments you spend together in the same zip code. 3) Because you rely so heavily on communication to keep the two of you a couple, you can learn to express your feelings to your partner. This is a difficult task for many. 4) You don't have the luxury of picking fights because you had a bad day. Instead, you learn to pick and choose the things that do matter to you and discuss those openly -- not in the heat of the moment. 5) As most long-distance relationships depend on things like email, instant messaging, and texting, you're less likely to say something while you're flaming angry. Instead, you have the time and space to think about the words BEFORE you type them. 6) You don't have to see the annoying parts of your partner as much -- his dirty socks, his inability to put the toilet seat down. You usually get to see his best side. 7) With services like G+ hangouts, Skype, and Facetime, you still get to spend time face-to-face with your partner, even if you're not physically in the same place. 8) You learn to be honest -- even when it makes your partner unhappy. The best relationships have a foundation in honesty, and that need is even more important when you're long-distance. 9) You have the space to figure out what really matters to you in a partnership. Is it sex? Is it commitment? Is it shared hobbies? 10) A long-distance romance allows you to strengthen your commitment to your partner ... or not. It's a great way to figure out how much you mean to each other. … [Read more...]
The ’7 Days of Sex’ Challenge Is Going to Jump Start My Marriage (I Hope!)
(Phatforums News / The Frisky) --- When Lifetime debuted the show 7 Days of Sex two weeks ago, they also issued a challenge for writers. We could test out this challenge for ourselves and see what it does for our marriage. I was in within two seconds. The show 7 Days of Sex premiered on April 26 and follows couples through their seven-day journey to see how having sex with some regularity will change their marriage. Because the truth is, it's easy to get into a rut. My husband and I have two kids under 6. While we are like any normal couple who has been together 11 years. We have ups and downs, but in recent months, there have been a few more downs. We recently had a massive life change that seemed set to go and instead fell through. So both of us have been left with a lot of "Now what?" I also recently went back to full time work and both of us aren't enjoying getting older. Add in two kids who need constant supervision and shuttling from school to activities and back again and you have a recipe for a pretty sad sex life. Sure, we haven't let it totally fall away and both of us have taken it into our own hands, so to speak. But masturbation isn't time together. It's a quick stress relief, but it isn't US and our sex isn't what it used to be. We fight more. We go to bed angry. We are not as affectionate and we pay less attention to one another. I would love to see all of that change in a week, but I know that is impossible. What I really want is just a recharge. I want us to remember how much we love each other and how good we are together. This challenge will put sex number one. Since Lifetime supplied us with money for date nights, candles, underwear, and even wine, I think we are up for what we REALLY need, which is more time together. They also gave us some challenges and an order in which we need to do things, which I will share as we go. Tonight, for instance, it's all about "anything goes" so whoo-hoo! Bring it! Night one. It's on. No more quickies with ourselves! This week is all about us together. I will be writing about it every day and anyone who wants to join me is welcome. … [Read more...]
6 Things You Should Know About Having A Substitute Girlfriend Or Boyfriend
(Phatforums News / The Stir) --- You call yourselves “just friends,” but you know as well as everyone else does that you’re more than that. You know where he is when he’s not with you. You spend your weekends together. You travel together. You go to Ikea together. You say “we” a lot, and all of your other friends know who “we” is. You are dating without benefits. You are serving all of the functions of life partner for each other, without, you know, any of the good stuff — romance, commitment, and sex. (Though any of these elements might sneak in and out of the relationship on occasion, usually aided by alcohol.) You are a substitute boyfriend or girlfriend, and this, my friend, could drag on for years, especially if neither of you meets someone else — someone you can call your actual boyfriend or girlfriend. This is not great news. But it’s not bad news, either, necessarily. I maintained a substitute relationship for about three years, and my boyfriend-without-benefits will always be one of the most important, confusing, infuriating, amazing entries on my list of major exes. Yes, in retrospect, I’ve realized he meets all the qualifications for official ex-dom — he affected my life so profoundly that he belongs on the official slide-show-tour of my past. This surprised no one more than me, but after my boyfriend and I had talked through my other major relationships, the way you always do with someone as things get serious, I felt so guilty excluding this one that I had to down a bottle or so of wine to make myself explain it to my new guy. Here, a few other things I wish I’d known before getting entangled in this messy kind of coupling: 1. Everyone will ask if you’re a couple, why you’re not a couple, and when you’re going to be a couple. Seriously, everyone. All of your friends, his friends, bartenders, the lady at the spa who assumes you want a couples massage. (Yep, we once got a couples massage without knowing that was what we were about to get, and didn’t realize it until we were both naked under sheets on adjoining—though at least still separate—massage tables.) This grilling will not end until you either become a couple or stop hanging out so damn much, so figure out a clever go-to answer. I never did, so let me know if you think of a good one. 2. You know how there’s stuff you’ll do only for your longtime mate, like read the first draft of his novel or check on her when she’s sick or help him choose what to have for dinner every night? You will find yourself doing those things for this person. I mean, this is the good news/bad news part, right? It’s awesome when you have someone to go get you more NyQuil when you’re immobilized by a cold. It’s irritating when you find yourself planning out his menu for the next week when instead you should be tending to your online dating profile to find a real boyfriend. 3. Speaking of which, you will likely miss out on chances … [Read more...]
4 Tips On How To Pick The Perfect Place For A First Date
(Phatforums News / The Frisky) --- Doing my time online dating, I’ve developed strong opinions about a lot of things. Handlebar mustaches? NO. Ayn Rand followers? Next. Men who tell girls not to contact them if you’re “crazy”? I hope you die alone! (Also, does any woman actually self-diagnose as “crazy”?) My strongest opinion when it comes to dating — which has become the subject of many an impassioned Frisky office debate — is the ideal location for a first date. I’ve noticed that lots of guys have the best intentions when it comes to picking a first date spot but oftentimes fail. Maybe this is not a problem for people who live in the ‘burbs or small cities; perhaps there is a “town center” where all the restaurants and bars are located. But in larger cities with complicated public transit systems — Los Angeles, Boston, Washington, D.C., my home turf of New York City — a lady could end up traveling an hour-plus getting to a date. And then have to sell her firstborn child to pay for it. So I thought I’d offer a few thoughts — for dudes and girls alike, it’s 2012 people! — on how to pick a place for a first date. Location, location, location. It’s not just what realtors say as they’re siphoning out your savings account: choosing the proper location is the single most important thing to keep in mind. But I’m not talking about whether you should pick the classy wine bar or the grungy dive — I’m talking about, literally, the location of the date spot from wherever you both are coming from. Is your date coming from home? From work? From someplace else? Find out where they’re planning to be prior to your date and then pick a place in between. If he’ll be in Santa Monica, don’t pick a restaurant in Burbank. If she’ll be in Greenpoint, don’t pick a bar in Inwood. The golden word here is equidistanct. Cuisine. This one sounds obvious, but I guess it’s not? I’ve heard way too many stories of vegetarians asked out to steakhouses. I also once met a guy at a beer garden (my suggestion) and when we got there he told me he was in AA. Oopsies! It’s my personal opinion that you can’t do wrong at an Italian place. There’s usually something for everybody … unless your date has a gluten allergy. Affordability. It’s 2012. Ladies should offer to pay for themselves on dates and pony up the cash if the guy wants to go dutch. And if the lady does the asking, she should come fully prepared to pay for the date. However, this gets really complicated when the dude is the one who picks the place and he picks someplace spendy. (Or as I refer to it when texting my friends, “$$$.”) I’m totally willing to pay for myself on a date and I make sure to have money on hand to do so. But I also have to live within my budget, which could be described as Broke-Ass MoFo. So things get uncomfortable when a man invites me on a date to a place that will utterly wipe out my Fun Budget for a … [Read more...]
‘Hot’ Make-Up Sex Is Sure to Leave You Cold
(Phatforums News / The Stir) --- You'd think someone who is conflict and argument averse would be the first person to sign up for make-up sex. After all, it's a quick, fun way to brush issues you don't want to get upset about under the rug and smooth over tension in a warm, hazy, post-coital glow. Sure, there are plenty of people who worship at the altar of this conflict resolution technique! I just don't happen to be one of them. I just can't imagine being in the mood for sex if there are issues left unaddressed. Given that tendency, it seems like I'm on the same page as Dr. Seth Meyers, who wrote a post on Psychology Today's website recently titled, "Make-up Sex Hurts: Why & How to Avoid It." He calls it "bad news," because it rewards bad behavior. And individuals who have make-up sex aren't doing it because they desire intimacy. Nooo. They're doing it to get "high!" And they do that by "making up" without doing the work it usually takes to, well, legitimately resolve a conflict. In other words, make-up sex is for drama queens. Go figure. Dr. Meyers recommends sitting with your feelings for a bit after a fight to make sure you're having sex for the right reasons. Totally! He also recommends putting the brakes on a sexual encounter during which you feel "confused, angry or sad." And while that may sound sort of extreme, I'm definitely with the guy. Why would anyone want to go through with a sexual episode wherein you're feeling any of those upsetting emotions? It's just going to leave you feeling weirded out -- if not right away, then, at least eventually. And the same problem will remain. The bottom-line: Make-up sex does hurt -- unless you've already made up beforehand. But if you have already talked it out, and then you go for it, that's a whole different -- and yes, totally sexy -- story. … [Read more...]
