February 8, 2012

What Are Your “Friend Categories”?

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(Phatforums News / The Frisky) --- Well, lookie here. Another New York Times’ Style section article about a “lifestyle trend” that’s sweeping the nation. The topic? De-friending. Not just online. IRL. I know. Groundbreaking, right? It’s no secret that people drift apart, or lose commonalities. But OK, maybe there’s a point here. The internet has given us an abnormal saturation of friendships and it’s not as evident as to how to get rid of them or even deal with them. Maybe because half the time you can avoid face-to-face confrontation. I imagine once upon a time, there was just a number of people you knew. Floating out there with few actual ties to you. Now they’re all “friends,” which you need to arrange according to categories. One social media expert, in trying to whittle down his circle, found that his “solution was to divide his social base into two categories: ‘linear’ friends (lasting relationships based on a deep connection) and ‘nonlinear’ (situational friends based only on shared past experience, like an old job).” This idea made an impact on me, especially because I had recently attempted to do this as sort of a mental exercise in an attempt to evaluate which connections were really important to me. But I found myself unable to create just two or three categories. There were the “friends who are always up to party” the “friends from college I still hang out with,” the “friends from college I sometimes keep in touch with,” the “friends who prefer to socialize by dining out” and the “friends who prefer to chill on a couch.” I’m guessing I’m not the only one out there who has these secret labels for some of their buddies. What are yours? Or do you find your friends are fairly clear-cut into groups? … [Read more...]

6 Things That Would Make Me Give Up Sex for 6 Months

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(Phatforums News / The Stir) --- When a person is single and sexually active, there is sometimes a desperation to one’s sex life. It's as if sex is somehow an oasis in an otherwise dry desert and you must travel again soon. You never know when the next water source will appear, so it's best to capitalize on it NOW. Of course, once you have been married for a certain period of time or happily ensconced in a long-term relationship, you do start to take it for granted a bit. When you're basically living on top of a water source, the need to drink seems to dissipate a bit. This is why a recent survey showing that 18 percent of Americans would be willing to forgo sex for six months if it meant they could have their bills paid for one month doesn't surprise me. In all seriousness, it's a sad statement on our economy and all that, but it's also just not really that HUGE a sacrifice. I love sex as much as the next person, but I would give up sex for six months for a lot less than that, my friends. I mean, don’t tell my husband or anything (hi honey!), but seriously, a week’s worth of massages? Hello! I could easily forgo sex for roughly 100 days for that shite. Here are 6 things I would also give up sex for 6 months for: A month of a personal chef: I love to cook, but as a working mom, I don’t always feel like I have time to cook the way I want to. If I had someone come in every night and make delicious, wholesome meals for me and my family, I would happily forgo sex for a half of a year. A few pairs of really good jeans: I don't know why, but I keep ripping my jeans. This doesn't please me, especially when I buy fairly pricey jeans. So I would give up sex happily for five pairs of perfectly tailored, sturdy, skinny jeans that fit well, look hot, and last. Weekly massages with good childcare: I run 35 miles a week, so I often have very sore and tight muscles, but getting in to my massage therapist is very challenging between work and children. If I could get a weekly massage, I would gladly give up sex for six months. A reprieve on whining: If my kids would listen to the word "no" and stop whining for even one month, I would trade sex for six months. Seriously, are you listening genie person who is granting these wishes?? This is a biggie! Comfortable heels: I have dozens of pairs of shoes and not one of my really high heels is also comfortable. If I could have one pair of 4- to 5-inch heels that actually felt good on my feet, I would skip sex for a six-month period. Hear that? ONE PAIR! Clear coffee: I love coffee, but that stuff makes your teeth look old before their time. For a new clear coffee I could drink while my teeth stay white, I would say sayonara to sex for a little while. All right. It looks like I am joining the club of sex skippers. Honestly, I am surprised it's only 18 percent! … [Read more...]

6 Easy Ways to Seduce Your Man

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(Phatforums News / The Stir) --- Seducing a man can feel really intimidating. What do you do when you're finding it hard to get your man into your bed? How do you get a man into bed? What tips and tricks for seducing a man are there? Here are some simple ways to seduce a man, get him into the bedroom and keep him there. 1. Flirt coyly. Sure, it's been awhile since you've practiced your coy flirting maneuvers, so now is the best place to dust them off and get them back into rotation. Soon enough, you'll find the coy flirting to be a turn-on -- for both of you. 2. Give him your attention. It doesn't matter if you've been with your man a dozen years or five minutes, men love it when women pay attention to them. Attention to what, you ask? Everything -- what he likes, how he likes it, and what he wants in the bedroom. 3. Confidence is king (or queen). I know I've said it a million times if I've said it once, but men dig confident women. There's very few things a man finds hotter than a woman who knows who she is, what she wants, and isn't afraid to tell him. 4. Talk dirty to me. Okay, so the dirty talk might make you feel a bit squeamish, but guys are visual thinkers. So, if you're trying to get him into bed, lose those inhibitions, and tell him what you'd like him to do. 5. Touch him. No, not like that (at least, not in public), but tease him by running your hand up and down his arm, caress his hand, or rub his back. It'll get his motor running! 6. Tell him what you want. Being assertive and up front about your wants and needs may be one of the most important lessons to learn. Men like it when women tell them what they want from them in the bedroom (and out). Tell him what turns out on and off. Tell him how you like it. Pretty soon, he'll be all over you. … [Read more...]

Pigskin Pigout: Super Bowlfuls of Gluttony

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(Phatforums News / ABC News) --- Huddle around the buffet and prepare for America's national pastime. It's first and goal: Guard the dip. Super Bowl Sunday is now the nation's second-biggest "food holiday," trailing only Thanksgiving. Of course, once you factor out the turkey, you find that football fans have turned pizza and chicken wings into holiday dishes, with a bold medley of potato chips, pretzels and Cheez Doodles as the trimmings. Pigskin pigouts explain why America consumes 30 million to 35 million pounds of snack food, double the country's typical daily consumption, on Super Bowl Sunday. The Snack Food Association estimates that on a typical game day, this country's munch madness will include 12 million pounds of potato chips, 9 million pounds of tortilla chips and 4 million pounds of pretzels and popcorn. Potato chip consumption alone might add 27 billion calories and 1.8 billion grams of fat to America's hefty rump, according to the Calorie Control Council, a nonprofit group representing the low-calorie and reduced-fat food and beverage industry. The council estimates the typical armchair quarterback chows down on 1,200 calories and 40 grams of fat. To work that off, it would take two hours and 10 minutes running around a football field. But perhaps it's best not to mention such facts. Perhaps it's easier to just accept that every Super Bowl partier will be penalized in the waistline. Then again, isn't overeating a part of any holiday? This year, dig deep into your super bowlful of munchies, and consider our unofficial holiday's unofficial holiday food -- chips and dip 1. Is There a Chip and Dip Culture? Candy canes, eggnog and marshmallow peeps might not be a dietitian's dream, but we talk ourselves into eating these things because they're considered time-honored holiday treats. Before we reject our Super Bowl snacks for nutritional reasons, let's just remember that they have a history, too, and that history says a lot about who we are. Pretzels are perhaps the most ancient of snack foods. Medieval monks in A.D. 600 came up with this salty, crunchy delight as a reward for students. This explains why traditional pretzels are twisted: to resemble the arms of praying angels. This also explains why other pretzels are shaped like rods: to remind us of the punishment we richly deserve. When European settlers arrived in North America, natives turned the colonists on to the joys of popcorn. The potato chip might be one of the most enduring contributions of Commodore Cornelius Vanderbilt. The railroad tycoon was dining in Saratoga Springs, N.Y., in 1853 when he sent his potatoes back to the kitchen, complaining they were cut too thickly. An outraged chef furiously cut a fresh order of spuds ridiculously thin, then fried and salted them, and sent them back. Vanderbilt apparently didn't get the joke. The first man to doodle with cheese was 84-year-old Morrie Yohai of Kings Point, N.Y. In the early … [Read more...]

NFL has made Super Bowl Sunday into a holiday, is a three-day weekend the next step?

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(Phatforums News / PhatzRadio / LA Times) --- Forget the Fourth of July, Thanksgiving or New Year's Day. Super Bowl Sunday has replaced them all as America’s No. 1 holiday. It has become so big that the National Football League is considering giving the game its own three-day weekend. That’s no joke. One scenario making the rounds at the league is that if the NFL gets the green light from the players to expand its regular season from 16 to 18 games, President’s Day weekend will probably become the permanent home of the Super Bowl. “It’s going to be unbelievable,” predicted NBC Universal Sports Chairman Dick Ebersol, whose network pays $660 million a year to carry the NFL’s Sunday night football package. “ I think that’s a pretty attractive idea,” echoed Sean McManus, president of CBS Sports, which shells out $650 million annually for its package of games. Of course, the players are against expanding the schedule but if the owners are united on this then it seems likely. At a time when most television properties are struggling in the face of massive audience fragmentation, the NFL is seeing incredible growth. Ratings were up on all five broadcast and cable networks that carry games, and this season’s Super Bowl match between the Pittsburgh Steelers and Green Bay Packers in Dallas this Sunday is expected to top the viewership record set by last year’s Colts – Saints battle, which drew 106.5 million people and became the most-watched TV event in the United States ever, breaking the almost 30-year-old record held by the series finale of “M*A*S*H.” It’d be easy to chalk this up solely to the love of the game, but over the last few years the popularity for the NFL in general and the Super Bowl in particular have entered another stratosphere that seemingly defies logic. The last five games have all topped more than 90 million viewers. Until 2005, only five of the previous 39 Super Bowls had surpassed that mark. So how has the NFL turned the Super Bowl into a de facto national holiday? Savvy marketing for starters. Over the last decade, the NFL and its TV partners have undertaken several initiatives – some noisy and others subtle – designed not only to boost the league’s fan base, but its stature in the country as well. These moves have included aggressively promoting the NFL to women, creating more big events beyond the Super Bowl and not being shy about making the watching of a football game seem like a patriotic act. “It has been one of the most profoundly effective media and public relations events that has ever been built in the United States,” said Daniel T. Durbin, an associate professor at USC’s Annenberg School for Communication and Journalism, of the NFL’s marketing prowess. The man in charge of making sure football remains entrenched both with viewers and in America’s conscience is a Kenyan native schooled in the United Kingdom who used to hawk tobacco and alcohol. … [Read more...]

Hitched: What Does It Mean To Be A Wife?

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(Phatforums News / The Frisky) --- I’ve been putting off making the trip to the county clerk’s office to see about getting Patrick and I common-law married. In order for me to be enrolled on his health insurance, Patrick’s employers need some kind of governmentally sanctioned proof that we’re not just total liars. The process in Texas for proving you’re not a total liar is pretty simple: you tell the government that you’re not a total liar, sign a piece of paper, and they believe you. Suddenly, marriage! This one little trip that I can’t seem to make is probably one of the most important things I could be doing just about now. And yet here I sit in my lacy black silk pajamas (Fancy Lady Obsessed With “Downton Abbey” So She Bought Some Nice Underthings Alert!), drinking coffee and fending off keyboard-fascinated cats instead of achieving the twofer of making my relationship more legitimate in the eyes of the government and ensuring that I have proper health coverage. Though to be fair, I also buy extra underwear so that I can go a month without hitting the laundromat, so know that I am a world-class procrastinator of some renown. It’s not that I have apprehensions about becoming a wife. Right? Wife. What does that even mean? “Wife” is easily the wedding-related word I’ve thought about least since getting engaged in September. And yet, when we’re married in April, a wife is what I’ll be. The word itself doesn’t have immediately positive connotations for me. You say “wife,” and what I imagine is a long-suffering Alice Kramden or permanently put-upon June Cleaver. A string of women in skirt-suits standing stoically next to their husbands during embarrassing adultery-related press conferences. I think of bland casseroles in the oven. I think of screaming kids in the yard. Picket fences and that kind of shit. You say wife? I don’t think of Andrea Grimes, freelance journalist, Scramble with Friends champion and cat lady, sipping Knob Creek over ice at the end of a long day before settling into an “Antiques Roadshow” marathon. I don’t think of Andrea Grimes, happily partnered feminist who loves to make party snacks on sticks and go to mid-day yoga. I don’t even think of Andrea Grimes, a woman in love with a man she’s marrying in two-and-a-half months. In their most damning pop culture iteration (which, if you’ve got a free weekend, check out The Meaning Of Wife for a fantastic background thereon) wives are, first, white ladies. Women of color have been classically cast, in real life and in media, as sexually loose and then by definition, unwifely. And these white wives? They’re asexual, unappreciated domestic workers whose whole existence centers on tasks that begin, grudgingly, in the bedroom and end at the mailbox at the end of the front walk. They are tied down by child-rearing and housework, but simultaneously supposed to want nothing more than to do only those things. So, … [Read more...]

Cheering for Opposing Super Bowl Teams Can Make Your Marriage Hot

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(Phatforums News / The Stir) --- Imagine you are from New England. You have cheered for the Patriots your whole life, your dad is an avid fan, but you marry a man from New York. Now imagine he loves the Giants with the same fervor. Can you get along? Or do you automatically stop speaking to one another in the weeks leading up to the Super Bowl? This is a question quite a few people are facing this Super Bowl. Given how close New England is to New York and given how many Boston versus New York rivalries exist, it isn't surprising that many married couples are going to find their bliss somewhat tainted this week and possibly even into next. For one woman who grew up in Massachusetts with a father who was a season ticket holder to the Pats and who married her college sweetheart -- a Giants player -- this is even more stressful. Her husband now PLAYS for the Giants. What's a loyal fan to do? For Rich Cincotta, the dad and Pats fan whose daughter married a Giants player, the answer is just to have fun. He is going to the Super Bowl with his son-in-law so he will cheer for both teams. But for many, this dilemma is no small thing. Some people take fan-dom pretty seriously and this Super Bowl could get ugly. It's like anything else people get passionate about, whether it's politics, exercise, or family values. Yes, people take football that seriously. But this could be a good exercise, too. Couples spend most of their marriages agreeing on things, and while agreement is lovely for the harmony and comfort of the home, it isn't so great for the sex life. A Super Bowl rivalry could be just the thing to get the engines going if you keep a sense of humor about it. The fact is, disagreeing can be good for a marriage. It can keep things exciting and passionate and allows couples to see each other in new ways. It can be very hot, indeed. If you let it be. It's the reason couples like Mary Matalin and James Carville (who must always be trotted out to prove this point) stay hot. As long as you don't hit below the belt, disagreement can be sexy. In the midst of finding ways to root for your own team, you may see something new about your spouse. Make a game of it and invite people from each opposing camps and put money on it. Make it fun. Why not? Some of the biggest fights lead to the best make-up sex, right? In all seriousness, this shouldn't be a great divide. It's just football. Enjoy it and, if you win, don't gloat too much. … [Read more...]

5 Things To Talk About Before You Move In Together

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(Phatforums News / The Frisky) --- So, you and your boyfriend are considering moving in together? Congratulations! This is an exciting time in any relationship — a big step with a lot of fun moments along the way. (Shopping for new art and eating Chinese food on the living room floor? Yes please!) My boyfriend and I have lived together for about three years, and in that time we’ve learned a lot about each other and our relationship. We’ve dealt with my messy habits, different levels of social needs, and limited closet space. We’ve also had countless jam sessions, “Arrested Development” marathons, and a “Titanic” reenactment party that no one will ever forget. While we’re certainly not perfect, we have figured out — through trial and error — how to make the cohabitation thing work. The big secret? Don’t leave your hair in the shower drain. The second most important thing? Talk about things before they become major problems. It’s easy to think that just because you love each other, living together will come naturally, but in reality, sharing a space with someone always requires some planning and negotiation. Here are five things to talk about before, during, and after you move in together… 1. Cleanliness: Are you and your guy both neat freaks? Or do you both enjoy a messy, chaotic lifestyle? If so, good for you, but if you don’t match up on your preferred level of cleanliness, you must figure out a way to deal with it or you will end up resenting each other. It might sound juvenile, but make a chore list and split up the tasks. Talk about which chores are non-negotiable and which ones can be overlooked during busy weeks. The good part about living with your significant other is that you can share and trade the most unpleasant chores. For example, I actually really like folding clothes, but I loathe doing dishes. My boyfriend doesn’t mind doing dishes but hates folding clothes. Voila! He takes the kitchen, I take the laundry. Figure out what you want your shared house to look like, and what each of you needs to do to make it a reality. 2. The Rent: Paying the rent in full and on time is a pretty simple transaction, but if you’re not careful, it can make your romantic relationship feel like a business deal. It’s never fun to have to ask someone for money, or to be asked for money, so figure out the details of how and when you’re going to pay rent long before that first check is due. And then stick to it. 3. Alone Time: As exciting as it is initially to spend every waking moment together, at some point you’re going to want a little space from your significant other. How much space you each need and how you ask for it is important. Understand that when your guy wants some solo time it’s not a personal insult–we all have different ways of recharging our social and spiritual selves. Make sure he understands the same about you. Be grateful for the time you spend together and respectful of the time you … [Read more...]

5 Ways to End a Fight & Get to the Good Stuff (Making Up!)

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(Phatforums News / The Stir) --- Fights happen. In even the very best relationships, fights do happen. It's natural to fight, we know this. But how do you stop a fight once it's begun? That's one of the hardest parts of a relationship -- learning the proper way to end a fight. But once you know how to properly end a fight in a relationship, you're able to end fights with other people that much more easily. Here are five easy, practical, and important tips for ending a fight so you can get to the fun part (making up!). 1. Stop blabbering and listen. I'm as guilty as the next person of this. The minute my hot-buttons are all pushed (and not in a hot way), I'm all amped up to keep shouting my point. But it's not an effective or healthy way to handle fighting. Instead, stop, listen, and really hear what the other person is saying. Echo that back to them, "You're mad because I overspent on the credit card again." Amazing how simple it is to make someone feel heard. 2. Don't yell, especially if you have kids. Kids don't need to hear their parents arguing, and yelling is a good sign that the argument has gotten WAY out of control. Once you start yelling, you're apt to say things you don't even mean. So resist the urge and do not succumb to it. 3. Don't walk away or hang up the phone. My husband is a master of walking away and shutting himself in another room when we're fighting. NOTHING gets resolved that way. Eventually we both come back together but the situation is still unresolved and now feelings of anger and resentment have formed. 4. Boundary issues. There are certain things in a fight that should never, ever be allowed. Name calling is one of them. Bringing up a gigantic list of past grievances is another. Establish your boundaries and work through your issues -- FAIRLY. 5. Say you're sorry. No one likes to apologize, especially if they feel they were in the right to have behaved the way they did. But an apology can go millions of miles toward ending a fight. … [Read more...]

Time for a romantic getaway?

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(Phatforums News / Match.com) --- You’re happily dating someone and the relationship is still new. You picture the two of you on a romantic weekend at a country bed and breakfast, or cavorting on a no-holds-barred escape to a lush tropical resort. Or, you simply want to ask your date to attend a wedding in another city, or to go along with you on a business trip. Whatever the trip, when is the right time in the relationship to go out of town together? Consider these stories before making yor decision... Are you both emotionally ready? Amber, 41, felt that when she and her boyfriend went on a romantic getaway over a long weekend that taking a trip together forced their relationship to fold a bit prematurely. The couple went to New Orleans to celebrate her birthday and Valentine’s Day weekend. During the trip, Amber noticed that her boyfriend withdrew from their three-month intense relationship. “It’s not about timing by the calendar in deciding to take a trip together; it’s where each of you are mentally and emotionally,” she advises. Upon their return home to a Midwestern city, the couple dated for a few weeks before he called it off. Traveling together can kick your relationship into high gear After four months of steadily dating, Dan, 48, said it felt natural to plan a vacation together with his girlfriend. “After looking at options, we decided on a week in Mexico at an all-inclusive resort. We celebrated our six-month anniversary on the trip and had an absolutely fabulous romantic getaway completely lost in each other,” Dan says. In fact, the vacation went so well that the couple is now engaged. “It was the best trip either of us had ever taken,” he says. If it feels too soon, don’t force it Misty, 43, recalls being a bit too pushy in suggesting to her boyfriend in the first few weeks of their relationship – before it had turned physical – that they both go to an upstate resort for a night or two one autumn weekend. “I got the bug to leave town and pushed him a bit to agree to go with me, but he didn’t take the bait. I couldn’t find a place to stay, anyway. The timing wasn’t right then and I knew it,” she says. The couple has since gone on a number of local and long-distance trips together. “These trips have all worked well,” Misty concludes. The moral of these true travel tales: When in the early stages of a relationship, it can be premature in the relationship to suggest a trip. On the other hand, if it feels right to travel together, chances are, it is. In an established relationship, have a discussion on what places or activities interest both of you most. Select dates which are convenient to you both. Book it! Be ready to come home from a trip knowing that your bond is stronger or, if your trip together didn’t go smoothly, that you might have gotten farther apart. Marcia Jedd is a freelance writer based in Minneapolis. … [Read more...]