May 25, 2013

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7 Ways to Make the MOST of the Relationship You’ve Got

May 23, 2013 By Leave a Comment

5071264d6c863b34ae410bed6ccd1222 7 Ways to Make the MOST of the Relationship You’ve Got

(PhatzNewsRoom / HotAlphaFemale.com) — When you first meet someone you really like and this time the feeling is mutual – it can be a bit of a whirlwind. It’s easy to see all the things you like about them. It’s easy to spend time with them and for it be exciting, surprising, and fun. And, once things start to over to something a little more serious – sometimes the can lose it’s original sheen. You have your first argument. You start doing the things that you were doing before you got caught up in the . Things start to settle down a bit. So, what can you do to keep that relationship alive, happy, and still exciting? How can you really make the MOST of the relationship that you’ve got? Here are a few key tips (7 actually) that will help keep you on the right track.

1.Be authentic.

Ok, so it sounds so cliché BUT it’s really important, so I’m going to remind you anyways. Remember to stay true to yourself and your values. I could also say it like this: “You have a freak flag – so let it ”. Don’t try to be something that you are not. Don’t try and mould yourself into some fantasy version of a man that your wants. You may think, “If can change this one thing – then she will be happy”. But the problem with that is – you make one change and then she will want to change something else. And, then at the end of the day you won’t know who you are and she won’t know who you are either. Make sure that if you want to make more positive changes about yourself or in your life that you are in with what you really value and not just because you “think” it will make the relationship better. When you stay true to yourself and what’s important to you – you have more to offer the relationship. Have the to stand up for what you believe in and when the opportunity arises choose the option that feels best for you and most true for you.

2.The most important relationship is with yourself.

**Newsflash** You make up one half of the relationship. Therefore, if you neglect yourself then you are also neglecting your relationship. In other words, it’s hard to fill up another bucket when your own bucket is empty. Make sure to clear time for you to recharge and feel good. Spend time playing that sport that you enjoy. Spend time with friends that you really enjoy the company of. Spend time pursuing the things in your life that are really important to you. Block out time for just chilling and relaxing from the stress of your everyday life. All of these things help you fill up your own bucket which can then overflow into your relationship.

3.More isn’t always better.

Some people think that in order to have a great relationship you have to dedicate a large proportion of your life to it. And, while it’s true that in order to have a great relationship you need to make it a higher priority in your life it doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to spend every waking moment with this person. What actually helps create more of a fulfilling relationship is dedicated quality time with your partner. When interacting with that person in meaningful ways is the sole focus of that minute, hour, or night – the rewards are very enriching. It could involve a special date night every week. Or it could even be those 15 minutes of dedicated couple time before the two of you get ready for work. It’s important to prioritize this time in your relationship otherwise it’s easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of everyday life and miss out on these magical and meaningful moments with your partner.

4.Have courage.

Don’t let fear take hold when or past hurts come up. At times when you want to hold back or use emotional weapon instead breathe, take a step back, and don’t let the fear get the best of you. Do your best to be present and respond to the situation in front of you and not the one in your head. Do your best to use this relationship as an opportunity to conquer your fears and heal past hurts. Every relationship you have gives you an opportunity to learn, grow, and especially heal.

5.Communicate with openness.

Any form of communication is interpreted through the filter of your partner’s perception. You might say something really harmless, but because it touches on insecurity or a touchy subject – it could lead to an overreaction. Each partner should take the time to communicate as openly as possible. Truly listen. Give each other room to say what the other person needs to say without interjecting, defending, or accusing. Most things can be worked out via proper open communication. But the most important thing is to keep those lines open!

6. Be selective about what your focus on.

You want to do your best to focus on the things that please you rather than displease you about your partner and the relationship. When you first meet someone it’s easy to see all their positive aspects. Call it the honeymoon phase. But once you have transitioned past this stage – little things can really annoy you about your partner. During this time – it’s important to consciously put effort into the things that you appreciate about your partner. Or at least don’t make such a big deal out of the things that do bother you and focus on things that make you feel good about them. As you focus on the things that you like about your partner the more things you will have to appreciate about them and vice versa.

7. Expect the unexpected.

Sometimes relationships can get a little dull or boring because you get stuck in a kind of relationship rut. You think you know each other so well that there seems to be nothing exciting about the other person and the relationship that you are in. When you come from a perspective that your partner continues to surprise you with their little quirks, with their , and with their growth – then you set the stage for a sense of excitement and newness to be more present in the relationship. When you come from the premise that you may NEVER truly know who your partner is because they are always changing, growing, and evolving you leave the door open to new experiences, anticipation, and an eagerness to get to know them even more. Practical ways to apply this could be a game where the two of you ask each other questions that you have never asked each other before. They could be light hearted or they could be more meaningful ones. It’s also good to try things that the BOTH of you have never done before. That way you can experience something new together and bond through that experience.
And, because I’m not really a fan of writing endings to blog posts right now – I will again leave you this quote:

We met for a reason – you are either a blessing or a lesson ~ Frank Ocean

And, I would add … that every lesson is a blessing …

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5 Times Getting Back With Your Ex Is a Good Idea

May 20, 2013 By Leave a Comment

9c056f89aeefdb35b6c3a11004600138 5 Times Getting Back With Your Ex Is a Good Idea

(PhatzNewsRoom / The Stir) — Maybe we wish there was one, but there is no giant book that governs the way that we should act in a . We’ve all been there: when things go sour and a breakup happens, it feels like your world is crumbling. With time you heal, you move forward, you meet other people. The harsh reality? Getting over an ex isn’t easy. And sometimes, you don’t have to.

I know, I know, getting back together with an ex has of nasty . So many questions pop up: If it didn’t work out before, why will this be any different? Why now? The reality? Not all end because one person deliberately hurt the other. Not all end in tears.

Thus I present you with 5 times getting back together with an ex is a good idea. Seriously.

1. The old issues are gone: Certain problems, like problems and issues that carry on from youth, aren’t easy to overcome. However, if something like a problem at the office was putting on your relationship and that is now a non-issue, this could allow you both to refocus in on the important stuff, AKA the both of you.

2. You’ve forgiven him: Maybe he cheated (horrible). Maybe he moved on too quickly after you broke up (ouch). Maybe he just didn’t give you the kind of attention you deserved because he wasn’t OK with the kind of person he was. If you can find it in your heart to TRULY move on, then you can try again. If not, there’s just no point.

3. You feel a void for their specific : When you’re in an , it’s easy to consider that person your for that period of time. When that person leaves your life, it’s easy to feel something missing. The catch? When you try to fill that spot with someone else and it’s just not the same. There’s a high price to be put on being on the same mental level as someone else.

4. You TRULY could see yourself marrying him: Since the two of you have parted ways, you’ve compared every single man to this one guy. Not just their things like professions or their likes or dislikes — but your potential future involving him. At the end of the day, if you really think this man could be the one, then you owe it to yourself to go for round 2.

5. It’s the best sex you’ve ever had: OK, let me confirm that this is not THE reason to get back with someone. is different between every two people. But sometimes you just click the right way with someone, and that’s something you can NOT deny.

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Signs She Likes You As More Than A Friend

May 16, 2013 By Leave a Comment

6362cd485b2fc5b820587bf4c74b607a Signs She Likes You As More Than A Friend

(PhatzNewsRoom / HotAlphaFemale.com) — So, let’s just get one thing straight – I know this would be a lot easier if your would just throw herself at you. You know like: make a move; rip off your shirt; declare her ; or make a brief confession. The is that 90% of women won’t do that. I know it seems unfair. But what is really unfair is that I’m now going to give you the upper hand. What does that mean for you? It means after I share with you the 3 main signals that demonstrate a woman’s interest – it’s going to be so obvious whether your friend has the hots for you. The only difference is that you know exactly “what signs and signals” you need to be to. And that, my friend, is exactly what we are going to talk about.

Sign # 1: She changes the way she interacts and behaves with you

The most important thing to notice here is the between how she acted around you before and how she acts around you now. Maybe she starts to dress better. Maybe she will only see you when she has her on or looks nice. Maybe you start to notice her feeling a little more nervous or flirty around you. Maybe she starts being more physically close to you by lingering during a hug or kiss on the and allowing for more opportunities to have that happen. Maybe she seems a little more self conscious around you and harder to relax. Different women will do , but if she is your friend, you will be able to compare and contrast how she was acting in the past to how she is acting now.

Sign # 2: She goes above and beyond that of a

Whatever your level of friendship was with her beforehand, when a woman has a , she will do more for you than she would any other friend. For example, if beforehand you would have to beg and plead with her to come to a family event to save you from the boredom of being there alone, now she happily agrees and seems somewhat interested to meet and mingle with your family. If beforehand you had to battle with her booked out diary to score a hang out time, now she seems to have a lot more available spots for you. If beforehand she would send you a get well text when you were feeling sick, now she turns up on your doorstep with soup, tissues, and season 1, 2, and 3 of Family Guy with the promise of even keeping you company for a while. If the majority of her changes in behavior lead to her being more involved and available for you, then you can bet she has a really big soft spot for you and her interest is more than that of a friend. What you are looking for is the contrast to how she has interacted with you beforehand and how she is interacting with you now.

Sign # 3: She is jealous of the women you are interested in or dating

When a woman wants something, she usually wants it all to herself. This is particularly true when it comes to the man she wants to date. If she has her eye on you as the prize, it’s going to drive her crazy when you are talking with or dating other women. Here are some examples which reveal a woman’s jealous streak. She asks for dirty gossip on women you are dating and really targets on any reservations you may feel about this girl. She may appear to get uncomfortable or twitchy when you are on the phone to a girl who you are potentially interested in you. If you mention a girl’s name and she doesn’t know who she is, your friend will inquire about it suspiciously – and shrug it off like it doesn’t matter if it is a girl you happen to be dating. She may even become more sensitive when you talk about other women and could change the subject or get quiet and slightly withdrawn.

So, if you have a woman that has changed the way she behaves around you in this manner, then you bet she likes you. What you are looking for is not just one or two of these behaviors but a combination of all these behaviors together. Look for the overall pattern of how she is interacting with you with reference to these signs, and it will become very apparent to you. If your friend has always been flirty, thoughtful, and jealous of all the women you’ve dated – then she has probably liked you all along and you just haven’t realized it. No matter what your situation is, the power is now in your hands – it’s up to you to decide what you want to do with it.

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Reasons Why Women Test Men …

May 14, 2013 By Leave a Comment

f09d0565cf320f4e59cafb5b729a8bb5 Reasons Why Women Test Men …

(PhatzNewsRoom / HotAlphaFemale.com) — So let me give you a couple of examples. You get her number which she gives to you readily, yet she doesn’t return your calls nor pick them up when you call. Or she sets up a date with you and then, cancels last minute. Or she is always busy and can never make time to speak to you or spend more time with you.

Yes my friend, you have a woman who is blowing you off! If you are making all the moves on this and she is giving you absolutely nothing back, then I can tell you right now, that there is nothing you will accomplish by stalking her or calling her 5 times a day instead of once. I’m also here to tell you, she most likely is not interested in pursing anything further with you. Its a hint dude, so read the signs and move on. I know it sucks when they don’t like you the way that you do, but such is life. Not everyone that you like is going to like you back…. no matter what you do.

Don’t sweat it. You’ll live =)

Now there is a difference between a woman that is blowing you off and a woman that is being flakey. A woman blowing you off, will usually give you nothing back to work with. A woman that is being flakey means that sometimes she gives you what you want and other times she doesn’t. You can probably describe her actions as intermittent. When a woman is being flakey she is most likely interested in you, but is testing you. In other words they are seeing how much of her BullS***T you are prepared to take and how effective her little games and will be with you. The more effectively she is able to manipulate you, the less interested she will be in you.

So when a woman is being flakey and testing you, this is great! Because it means there is actually something that you can do, to give you a with her! To help you understand a little bit more though, first I’ll give you a list of reasons why women feel compelled to test you;

to gauge a man’s presence
to gauge a man’s strength
to see whether this man can her on her level
to filter out which men are worth her time
to ensure that this man can protect himself and therefore protect her (emotionally and/or physically)

See the reasons why women are testing is because at the core of their being they have the urge to want to feel “safe and protected”. This also helps to trigger attraction in a woman. By being present, demonstrating strength and understanding her actions, behaviours, and her challenges/tests she feels like she is more able to surrender and let her guard down.

The safer a woman feels around you, the less she will test you, period.

You see if there is a woman that is testing you a lot, then its because of one of two things.

Reason # 1
She is getting to know you, so she is gauging you out – her testing will stop or minimize dramatically if you are able to assert who exactly is in charge and pass her tests.

Reason # 2
She feels insecure and like her safety is threatened (emotionally and/or physically)

Most of you guys when initiating the dating stages will come across a woman flaking out on you or testing you because she wants to find out where your boundaries and your limits are.

The most important thing you can remember is that you must never give a woman the reaction that she is expecting. As soon as you do that, that is when you fail the test.

See the number one thing that I want you guys to understand is that women speak in figurative terms rather than literal terms. Men, you are great, because usually when you say something, that is exactly what you mean. When women say something, it many times will have nothing to do with what she is actually feeling or what the real problem or underlying meaning is. The meaning will usually be hidden under layers of “diversions, excuses and fake smiles”.

In the meantime, you are thinking that when she is complaining about her , that its about her . When its really because she feels unappreciated, overworked and emotionally drained and feels like she just needs someone to listen and validate her .

Alternatively when she tells you that she likes you as a friend, it can also be her subtle way of asking you, come-on, how interested in me are you really? How much of my crap are you going to take, before you just go after what you really want.

It can also be expressed in her brattiness, her sarcasm and her smart alec remarks. Underlying all of this she is screaming, come-on prove to me you are not like all the other guys who are just going to my ass all night. Prove to me that you are different. Beat me at my own game.

I know a lot of you complain about why women play so many games.

I ask you to re-frame this and look at more like, women subconsciously are compelled to test men as a survival mechanism. As a self preservation technique. As a biological and somewhat autonomous part of their brain that draws them to strong, capable and confident men.

Just like you guys are visual creatures and automatically find women with hourglass figures and proportionate hip to waist ratios, women are geared to test and evaluate their potential mates to find the most suitable one for them. When you learn the rules, you can then use them to your advantage. So why not give yourself the upper hand? She will love it!

Jennifer Nielsen
Twitter: @HotAlphaFemale follows you
Helping men with the subtleties of the female mind. Inspiring men to make for better dating & relating experiences.

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3 Tips For Dealing With Controlling Women

May 13, 2013 By Leave a Comment

8bfc5825e58f7ca8afb4ed1bb111ed6e 3 Tips For Dealing With Controlling Women

(PhatzNewsRoom / HotAlphaWomen.com) — Now, I’m sure that you don’t wake up and think, “I would just love to date a controlling woman! That would be so much fun!” Yet you continue to find yourself with a woman who at times is demanding, nagging, complaining, and just acting downright bossy. Despite this, controlling behavior is simply a natural extension to a woman’s , just like drinking a cold beer, zoning into a , or playing a is to you after a hard day’s work.

Since we have established that controlling women are everywhere, let me help you identify this behavior and show you how to minimize it.

Recognize controlling behavior is simply a signal that a woman is feeling insecure. She may feel a threat to her , her , or your relationship with her. Therefore, the controlling behavior creates a sense of security in her world, which stems from her temporary inability to trust you or herself. In her mind, it’s easier to hone in on you rather than look at her own . Ultimately, she needs her emotional security restored. She needs to regain that certainty with her sense of self, , or relationship with you. So, what are specific things you can do to prevent and manage controlling behavior?

Set Your Own Boundaries

A woman will use controlling behavior to test the limits of your . This will allow her to gauge your level of self-respect thereby equally matching it. Therefore, high levels of respect for yourself will be matched with high levels of respect from her. Your self-respect represents and re-enforces a boundary for her. So, by maintaining and increasing your self-respect, you prevent and decrease her at controlling behavior.

A woman can also continue to push your limits until other boundaries are imposed on her. Most often, women who do this are testing to discover if you are willing to enforce such boundaries. Think of a small child who sees how much they can “act up” or “get away with something” before there are consequences. And, depending on a woman’s maturity level (because some women still act like children and some are more mature) it’s very important you set and enforce boundaries on her. For example, when she barks an order at you, decide if and when you would consider doing it. Don’t automatically assume that you HAVE to do it because she told you to. Her views and opinions are only supplements to your final decision. You are your own man. And especially in the beginning (attraction phases) no matter what happens, you stand by your decision. In this way, you are teaching her how to treat you. You are creating and maintaining boundaries that inspire and perpetuate her respect for you.
Call Her Out On Her Controlling Behavior

The is some women are consistently getting away with their bad behavior. Some know it and others don’t. So, when you come into her life, you can distinguish yourself from all the other men she is surrounded with by being one of the few men to ever call her out. Even though she may whine, rebel, scowl, complain, or pout when you call her out, she will internally experience your assertiveness as exciting, refreshing, and attractive. So, the next time she has a temper tantrum, starts ordering you around, or takes the lead, use that as an opportunity to call her out on her games. Use that as an opportunity to regain the leadership position. Use that as an opportunity to tease and connect with her. This will make you unique in her world. Trust me, if she doesn’t appreciate you for it in the moment, she will appreciate you for it later!
Give Her What She Really Needs

As I mentioned previously, when a woman is acting controlling, it’s usually because there an underlying need that is currently unmet. About 90% of the time, this will be an insecurity she feels about something, which she is displacing onto you. What she really needs to feel is your grounding presence: that you are a real man who understands her and her games. She by no means wants you to bend because of her controlling behavior. In fact, giving in to her is how you lose.

The only real way you can truly win is to not give in to her controlling behavior and to directly address the unstated need. Most of the time when a woman acts controlling, there is something else on her mind. She will most likely just need to express, vent, and release any negative energy that has built up in her. Once she has done this, she will no longer have the urge to act controlling with you. All you have to do is listen and be present for her. This will be enough for her to alleviate any stress, tension, or anxiety that she may be experiencing. You don’t have to give her solutions. You don’t have to take everything she says personally. By doing so, all of it will reveal your ability to look past her games, address her unspoken need for security, and resolve the true problem: her insecurity.
Final Thoughts

So, remember that she is not crazy, she is a woman. She experiences the world differently than you. She handles stress differently from you. She processes her emotions differently. Additionally, there are times where she may be more controlling and demanding than others. Just remember, sometimes she wants to be the little girl she hardly ever gets to be. She will need to talk with you, hug you, or lean on you. By understanding the real reason why she is acting controlling, you can take your ego out of the equation and really know how to give her what she needs. What she needs is a real man who can see through all her games, appreciate her for who she truly is, and be her true pillar of strength. And that my friend, can be you!

Jennifer Nielsen
Twitter: @HotAlphaFemale follows you
Helping men with the subtleties of the female mind. Inspiring men to make for better dating & relating experiences.

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The Types Of Fights Men Fear

May 13, 2013 By Leave a Comment

87d1e9bbbb99df8a2ec0cb286b9a4b27 The Types Of Fights Men Fear

(PhatzNewsRoom / BlackDoctor.org) — The only fights guys really like are those that take place on HBO or Pay-Per-View. But guys don’t particularly like fights when they happen in .

We shy away from for several reasons: first, men win rarely win arguments with women.

Second, we don’t have that much we want to argue about. For the vast majority of guys, fighting is , and quite possibly a violation of local noise ordinances.

We may have a few little things to quibble about (Where in the world did you put my white t-shirt?), but for the most part, we’ll do anything to avoid conflict, especially these types of conflict:

The “” Fight

You look at it too much. Does that thing always have to be on? You work way too much! You’re right, you’re right, and you’re right. When a man’s work is pitted against his for time and attention, he can feel utterly conflicted.

feel an to succeed, to be the one who’s counted on, to be hardwired into whatever’s happening, even if it’s not much. And when you tell him that he should feel that way about you rather than the job, he retreats.

That’s because he’d rather make a choice between right and wrong than the choice you’re asking him to make: The choice between two things that are both important, but vastly different.

The “Ex” Fight

You want to know what she’s like, what she does, why your man was into her, and why they broke up. Him? He wants to stay as tight-lipped as the CIA.

Which only fuels the – she must’ve been great, she must’ve broken up with him, she must’ve been the love of his life. The may be , but he wants to reveal as little as possible because there’s no upside.

If he recalls any positives about her, he’s afraid you’ll compare, and think poorly of yourself. If he says nasty things about his ex, he loses : you’ll think badly of him for unchivalrous behavior, and wonder why he was with such a no-good girlfriend in the first place.

The “Finale” Fight

When a break-up is inevitable, a guy doesn’t want to go out with shouts, insults, crying, and random appliance tossing. Even though this relationship may have not worked out entirely the way either of you had pictured, he doesn’t want it to end badly.

Why? Because there’s a big part of him that cares very much about his rep; he doesn’t want to be perceived as a bad guy, or a mean one, or some jerk who deserves to be hit by the cross-town bus next time he crosses the street.

Even if he wants an ending, he doesn’t want it to be a bad one – which is why many breakup-minded men try to make a soft landing back in the singles world: Slowly, gently, and perhaps unfairly as well.

The “Wedding” Fight

Not the wedding fight, as in whether or not to have one. But fights, as in plural, the kind that happen between the first ring he puts on your finger, and the second. He knows you want him involved in all the decisions big (who to invite) and small (what style napkins). He knows that “It’s up to you” is usually one of the “Five Things You Should Never Say to a Woman,” as this article artfully instructs (hint: make sure he reads and heeds it!).

But in this case, his acquiescence isn’t because he’s uninterested; it’s because he respects that this is your (and possibly your mother’s) big day, so enjoy it, do what you want, and don’t get mad because he won’t tell you if he prefers the butter cream icing or the marzipan.

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10 Priceless Mother’s Day Gifts You’ll Probably Never Receive

May 12, 2013 By Leave a Comment

d17553b80441e6589eee3e1c6207c8aa 10 Priceless Mothers Day Gifts Youll Probably Never Receive

(Phatforums News / The Stir) — This Sunday is Mother’s Day. And like most dads, I’m proud to say I still don’t have a friggin’ clue what I’m getting for my wife.

Yes, I’ll be sure to have the kids make some homemade cards full of plenty of shiny stickers and adorable crayon drawings of things we won’t be able to decipher. But what about the gift?

Cookie trays, fun spatulas or any other kitchen gadget seems as bad as getting dad a tie for Father’s Day. I hate ties. Nobody likes ties.

So I came up with a list of the perfect gifts my kids can give their mom and they truly are priceless. Meaning, they won’t cost a cent. Bonus!

Here’s a list of 10 things my kids should give my wife for Mother’s Day:

Do their without being asked. , doing your homework even when being asked would be a great gift.
Go 24 hours without fighting with his brother. Nothing says, “I love you, Mom” more than not hearing, “I hate you, Jake” every 10 minutes.
Eat something besides or mac & cheese. Sorry but these wonderfully processed foods are not part of the four major food groups. Or even that funky pyramid.
Make their own bed. Don’t just toss a blanket over the crumpled sheets and pile of , really tuck everything in neatly.
Don’t mess up the house. This one’s easy. Just sit in one spot and… Don’t. Touch. Anything.
Let talk on the phone. Even if it’s a life-threatening situation like you can’t find your Level 17 Bulbasaur Pokemon card, just fight that urge.
Shut off the lights. When you leave a room, shut the lights off. That goes for your bedroom, the , the living room, the kitchen, etc.
Sleep late. As in, don’t wake up at 6 a.m. Not even 7 a.m. Sleep is good for you. You’re getting sleepy…
Clean your room. Seriously, stepping on with your bare feet hurts. A lot.
Pee before you leave. I know, I know. You don’t have to go. Really. But just this one day, go before you get in the car for the to grandma’s house.

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5 Reasons You Should Ditch the Purity Pledge & Have Sex Before Marriage

May 10, 2013 By Leave a Comment

b8d4509ba8c3739d3bd4774c4a44be5c 5 Reasons You Should Ditch the Purity Pledge & Have Sex Before Marriage

(PhatzNewsRoom / The Stir) — A lot of teens these days are taking something called the “purity pledge,” wherein they not to have sex until they get married. Hey, I’m all for people putting off sex until they’re adults and can handle the ramifications. Because even with safe sex, sex comes with responsibilities. It does tend to emotionally bond you to someone — especially if you’re a woman — and that can mean getting emotionally attached to the wrong person. Once sex enters the equation, a relationship is never the same. But writes about her “purity pledge” that went wrong. It led to an incredibly short . Once she realized that she and her new husband had absolutely zero sexual , she counted down the days until she could get a divorce, which happened into their marriage. Here’s 5 reasons to get rid of that purity pledge and do the dirty before you say “I do.”

Sexual chemistry.

Jessica Ciencin Henriquez, who kept her “purity” until her , writes in Salon:

Our bodies wanted from one another, so what we ended up with was a horizontal battle. I would hear married girlfriends talk about the joys of make-up sex and continue to my coffee in silence. We would fight, and then have bad sex and then fight some more. Every flaw in our marriage and in him seemed much more miserable when combined with the possibility of faking orgasms until death did we part. There was no relief. Six months into our marriage, the idea of separating seemed more appealing than feigning headaches for the .

As Jessica found out, sexual chemistry is something that can really only be ascertained by, well, . Jessica would make out for hours with her husband before their marriage, so she thought that would translate into awesome horizontal mambo. But it didn’t.

Sexual identity. I know too many couples where one partner was able to cover up his or her true sexual persuasion because he or she simply didn’t have sex with a partner. Not having sex with the opposite sex can also mean you ignore those longings you might have for the same sex, and therefore don’t acknowlege them.

Sex itself. Not everyone is great in bed, and most people don’t start out very good at all. A lot of good sex is about listening to your partner and being able to respond accordingly. But how do you know if someone is a good listener or responder unless you try it first?

Size. Don’t you want to know if your husband is packing a hunting rifle or a tiny little plastic kid’s pistol? After all, he knows how big your boobs are. I’m not saying size would be a dealbreaker, but don’t you have the right to know what’s down there?

Sexual issues. Sexual problems like premature ejaculation, inability to get an erection, or even an allergy to your partner’s semen are all possibilities, wouldn’t you rather deal with those issues before you’re married? This way you know if the person is even going to deal with them.

Let’s face it, sex plays a big role in marriage. Just like you should discuss children, religion, and where you both want to live before tying the knot, sex is too big of a part of a relationship to leave to chance.

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Clever Gent Outsources Dating To A Dating Surrogate

May 9, 2013 By Leave a Comment

36fabedf68112493e4b167361a1a5726 Clever Gent Outsources Dating To A Dating Surrogate

(PhatzNewsRoom / The Frisky) — Who has the time or the to online date? Why bother with it, when you can just outsource it to an online dating surrogate, someone who will do all the “connecting with another living human being” junk for you. Some real peach of a guy created this Craigslist ad, in search of a woman to do all the dating . What’s he looking for? Funny you ask! “Ideal candidate for this is similar to dating candidates sought: Pretty, thin, educated female in her 20s or 30s (with great taste and strong writing ability.)”

Sounds totally reasonable — as the plot of a shitty Justin Long movie.

The full ad is after the jump. [Betabeat]

dating surrogate 050613 Clever Gent Outsources Dating To A Dating Surrogate

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5 Reasons to Stop Dating Your ‘Type’

May 8, 2013 By Leave a Comment

8f9d93785ce7304c1570488bc2c6e27d 5 Reasons to Stop Dating Your Type

(PhatzNewsRoom / The Stir) — Everyone has a type: People we are just more naturally attracted to than other people. Stand in any group of people and you’ll find yourself quickly gravitating toward one of them and, if you’re single, probably thinking something along the lines of, “He’s cute … I really like what he’s saying … I could picture myself with him.” And yet, you’ve just met this person and have no idea if he’s a . But you truly feel you know him. There’s a reason for this. Experts theorize that “” serves a purpose — your body may be sniffing out whose DNA would best align with yours to make the healthiest . So your about who you mesh with means that is the person you should probably breed with. The problem? Often the best breeder isn’t going to make the best partner. Here are 5 reasons to break away from your type.

Think long-term. While a man’s DNA, all wrapped up in his scent, the in his eye, and the spring in his step, may sing to your like a fertile clarion call, the fact is that these days we want someone who will make a good lifelong partner, not just the best genetic for our possible . We also have a host of other needs — like a guy who is a good listener, who is communicative, who seems like someone you might want to spend the next 20 or 30 years with. So next time you meet a man, instead of gaping at his beautiful eyes and strong jaw, listen to what he’s saying. Close your eyes, if you must.

Breaking your pattern. Unfortunately, patterns of dysfunction are set very early in childhood. So when you find yourself instantly attracted to someone, it can sometimes be because that person pushes all of your buttons and perfectly dances the dance of dysfunction with you. For example, if you had an emotionally distant father, you can find yourself attracted to emotionally distant men without even knowing why you’re attracted. Try dating men you don’t have “instant” chemistry with — in fact, if you do, maybe you should run.

Your type can change. I used to have a distinct type all through my teens and 20s. Then, suddenly, in my 30s, I found myself attracted to guys who were the exact opposite of my type. Hormonal change? I’m not sure. But it definitely opened up my eyes to new possibilities. Who wants to eat the same thing every night for a decade anyway?

Not your type can become your type. I remember a friend of mine who had started dating a man that she liked but didn’t think was good-looking. She would constantly tell me, “He’s nice, but he’s kind of ugly. I’m just being honest.” Several years, one wedding, and one child later, I reminded her of what she said to me. She was astonished and couldn’t remember any of it. “I think he’s so hot!” she insisted to me. This “ugly” man had become the man of her dreams.

Your type may not really be your type. It’s amazing how stuck people get on certain criteria that a guy (or gal) MUST have that — several years down the road — don’t matter at all. Take my friend who was determined to marry rich. She did. And then a few years into her marriage, the guy had a nervous breakdown, quit his high-paying , and became a poor writer. At this point, she just wanted him to be happy, and once he finally was, she was. “I should have been looking for a happy man, not a rich one,” she once confessed. Yeah, they do have financial issues, but she’s just so relieved to have a husband who actually smiles again.

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