Yes, it’s that time once again: The day we feature your dating and relationship questions. Although we would like to answer each one personally and with as much detail as possible, the overwhelming amount of inquiries forces us to highlight those that are most interesting to AskMen.com readers.

This week’s Q&A praises the Cocky & Funny, getting over yourself and approaching younger women without being creepy. David DeAngelo, author of Double Your Dating: What Every Man Should Know About How To Be Successful With Women, has your answers.
reader’s comment
Yo David!

Cocky + Funny = Women, numbers, attraction, fun, sex, and more. It makes absolutely no difference what you do; it’s the Cocky & Funny way you do it! Be confident! Go up to some girls and say: “What’s up girls?” Ask for their names, and then look at the hottest one and say: “Are you trying to pick me up?” Then just keep teasing, making the frame that she wants you, and be sure to tell her you know she wants you. Trust me on this, when you see her face light up with a smile, it will be time, young grasshopper, to become a real ladies man!

Peace and may the Cocky & Funny be with you,

N.
david d. responds
You know, you’d make a great walking billboard for my… well…

The problem is that you sound like a late-night infomercial and I don’t think anyone would believe you.

But seriously, you are right.

It would never cross the minds of most guys to look at a stunning woman and say: “Are you trying to pick me up?”

If I’m at a bar talking to a woman and she gives me any kind of compliment, hints that she likes me, tells me that I’m funny, etc., I’ll say: “Look, I know how you women are. First a little compliment, then you’re asking me for my number, then you want me to come home with you to ‘check out your new stereo’ or something. I just want you to know that I’m not that kind of guy and I won’t fall for it.”

Oh, I love it.
reader’s comment

David,

You are a wise man.

I feel the truth in your words.

I want to implement the techniques that you speak of — I do, I really do. But it seems that when I come in contact with women that I think are attractive, I can’t, or more precisely, I don’t. I think I’m afraid of rejection.

If I ask a woman for her number within three minutes, I just can’t see her giving it to me.

And if she did, I wouldn’t know when to call her (I’m thinking of the two-day rule from Swingers) or if I should call her at all and just keep retreating (a la The Tao of Steve).

Do you subscribe to the theories presented in these films and do you teach a class?

If yes, where do I sign up?

D.
david d. responds

I understand where you’re coming from.

I would never have believed that a woman would give out her number to a complete stranger in two to three minutes — until I watched some guys actually do it.

As soon as I saw it happen, it completely changed my idea of what is possible. You just need to get out there and take action. Next time you’re talking to a woman, just say: “Hey, nice talking to you, but I have to get back to my friends (or what I was doing, etc.).”

Then, just as you’re turning away, say: “Hey, do you have e-mail?”

For the rest of David D.’s answer and the question that talks about approaching younger women without being creepy, click on…

When she says “Yes,” just take out a pen and paper and give it to her, expecting her to write it down. When she does, say: “Nice meeting you; I’ll chat with you again when I have some more time.” And walk away.

Once you’re comfortable doing that, start having them write their number down as well. It’s really not that difficult.

As far as how long to wait to call, just don’t e-mail or call the same day. E-mail the next day, and use what you’ve learned to take things to the next level.
reader’s comment
Dear David,

I’m a 37-year-old guy, not bad looking, and I dress pretty well. There’s nothing in the way of great detractors in my habits that I can tell.

Growing up in a liberal town of liberal-minded, feminist parents, where most conversations were matter-of-fact and direct, very little teasing occurred. It’s been hard trying to lose my matter-of-fact approach to talking to women and gain this bad-boy-ish attitude you talk about in your book. It is the complete antithesis to much of who I see myself as. However, I still want to give it a try, since being a natural sensitive guy (although not a pushover) hasn’t given me the huge success I’d like.

My problem comes from my age. Most of the women from 28 up that I meet all want to get married pretty soon, and seem to assess me as husband material rather than sexy-man material. My friends say: “Well, why don’t you just date younger women?”

As if it was that easy!

I want to approach tons of women (despite the fear I feel at each approach if it doesn’t already feel like a natural opportunity to me). I have a strong sense, though, that a 37-year-old guy approaching a 23-year-old girl (or anyone under 28, say) would be looked on with suspicion by the girl, especially since I’m nobody famous or rich or whatever. It’s like it’s already a giant stroke against me, adding to the already huge one I feel I have being this naturally considerate, even- handed and egalitarian sort of guy.

I couldn’t find it in your book, but have you honestly seen guys my age do just as well with the younger girls as guys in their 20s? I’d find that hard to believe; you always hear younger girls talking about “creepy older guys” (even if those guys aren’t noticeably creepy — the mere fact that they’re approaching the younger girls seems to freak them out). What do you think about this?

- B.
david d. responds

First of all, you’re not alone. I know that there are a lot of other men out there who are thinking: “I’m a nice, stable, intelligent guy, and I should be able to attract women.”

You must realize that women don’t really care if you’re a nice guy. “Nice” doesn’t light up their emotions and make them feel a gut level attraction.

What does make them feel it? You guessed it: teasing, humor, unpredictable behavior, and that magical combination of being Cocky & Funny.

I heard a great theory once: Too many of us guys were raised by our mothers and not our fathers. Or, we were raised in a household where our mothers dominated our fathers. In either case, we learned how to please a mother, not how to attract a lover.

Do yourself a favor, and think for a moment about what it would be like to be an attractive woman in your mid-20s who is approached all the time by “nice” guys who want to take you out and bore you with conversation about the news and weather. Now ask yourself: “What kind of guy would instantly get my attention and cause me to feel an attraction to him?”

Women like the kind of personality that I prescribe.

They like it the same way as we guys like firm, young bodies and beautiful faces. Think about it.

David DeAngelo

This article is sponsored in part by DoubleYourDating.com (What’s this?)

David DeAngelo is the author of the book Double Your Dating: What Every Man Should Know About How To Be Successful With Women, and several other products that can help men become more successful with women and dating. He also publishes a free online Dating Tips newsletter, available at www.DoubleYourDating.com.

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