Yes, it’s that time once again: The day we feature your dating and relationship questions. Although we would like to answer each one personally and with as much detail as possible, the overwhelming amount of inquiries forces us to highlight those that are most interesting to AskMen readers.

This week’s Q&A explores the challenges of approaching women. David DeAngelo, author of Double Your Dating: What Every Man Should Know About How To Be Successful With Women, has your answers.
reader’s question

I recently went over to where a waitress was serving, said hi, and told her I was always thinking of her and asked for her phone number. She said: “I don’t give out my number” (I’ve heard that before from waitresses). I did some laughing and a lot of smiling (you weren’t there to kick me). I felt like leaving, but stayed. When I finally was about to leave, I went over to her to say good-bye, and she said: “You would make a nice friend.” Did I do wrong?
Thanks,

David, Carlsbad, CA
david d. responds
I’m going to give it to you straight, because, just by your awesome first name, I can tell that you’re a guy who can take it.

Know what most women think when they’re approached by guys like you?

They start to think to themselves: “What’s the deal with guys like this who fall in love with me after only knowing me for five minutes? This guy must be a loser with no life. I mean, how could he have feelings for me so fast unless he is just a love-sick puppy who needs a new mamma?”

My point is that women are so used to men falling all over themselves that they see it as predictable and completely uninteresting. Worst of all, there’s zero chance of triggering attraction. And without it, you’re dead where you stand.

As a matter of fact, I have a personal theory that I’m working on. I’m starting to think that when a guy sounds needy and desperate, it actually triggers some kind of natural response inside a woman that says: “Avoid this person at all costs.”

Basically, if you meet a great woman, you cannot turn into a clingy, love-struck Wuss who is overcome with the urge to share how he feels.

Take it from me. I used to be one of those guys. And, looking back, I realize now that I had no idea what was going on in most of my interactions with women, and I screwed up so many situations that it’s not even funny.

Well, actually it is pretty funny.

Bottom line: To start understanding women, you need a new way of seeing things. It’s time that you, as a man, started learning more about how women work, what they respond to and how to trigger those powerful feelings of attraction in the women that you desire.

You see, women don’t respond the way they “should” to guys who are “nice.” Instead, women do respond with a powerful attraction to men who create suspense and mystery — to men who seem confident and in control.

Here’s what I’d do if I were you: While you’re still learning about attraction, you need to simply focus on getting a woman’s e-mail address and phone number to follow up with her later.

Once you get them (preferably by using my three-minute technique), then get away fast.

Why?

Because walking away from women like these without saying “bye” and without trying to get them to go out with you shows them that you’re not just another needy Wuss bag — that you have some self-control. And the more you master doing this, the more success you’ll begin having with waitresses everywhere.

I guarantee it.

Read on for more advice on approaching women…

reader’s question
I have a question. I met a girl online, and we have exchanged phone numbers and e-mail addresses. We’ve spoken on the phone two or three times for about two hours each time, but I have never met her. But I haven’t heard from her for four days. What do you think happened?

Thanks,

Chad
david d. responds
Here’s an eye-opener for you, Chad: Women can smell that thing called “wussiness,” even online and even over the phone. And the fact that women can actually detect the aroma of a Wuss without you being in the room says something even more profound.

The concept of being a wussy is what I call an “inner” idea. It’s the larger issue behind your question, and it’s what we really need to address here.

Giving off the signals that kill attraction with a woman even before it starts is something that originates in your mind. It’s a combination of beliefs and the communication of those beliefs through words, body language, etc.

Now, think about that for a moment: Your attraction-killing signals are so strong that a woman can actually smell them over the phone and maybe even from your internet profile alone. And I’ll bet that as soon as you change your “inner game” around to get rid of the wussiness in it, your responses from women will change instantly as well.

So what is it about this particular set of qualities that make up a wussy that women just aren’t attracted to? Well, I always say that it all comes down to the fact that attraction isn’t based on logic; it’s not a decision.

You’ve heard me say that attraction isn’t a choice probably a bazillion times now. Just realizing that women can’t choose who they feel attracted to makes you also realize that there are qualities that women do feel attracted to. On the flip side, there are many qualities that instantly turn a woman off as well.

When you put many of these “anti-attraction” qualities together, you’ll usually find a wussy. And women know that they aren’t attracted to guys who are wussies. They have an amazing wussdar system that is finely tuned to recognize those subtle little hints that say: “I’m a Wuss!”

And the worst part is that once you’re mentally branded a wussy in a woman’s mind, you’re in that category forever. Getting out of the mental Wuss category is one of the hardest things you can ever try to do. It’s usually not even worth the effort.

So the key is to not get into the Wuss category in the first place. And while you’re in the process of not being a wussy, you need to make her feel attraction for you as well.

Once you can do that, then everything I teach men about approaching, meeting and getting dates with women online, in bars and clubs, or anywhere else, will come naturally to you.

David DeAngelo is the author of the book Double Your Dating: What Every Man Should Know About How To Be Successful With Women, and several other products that can help men become more successful with women and dating. He also publishes a free online Dating Tips newsletter, available at www.DoubleYourDating.com.

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