There’s more than one reason we love to see women naked. Sure it’s easy on the eyes, but it also saves us from having to stare at some of the most horrific fashion to ever be worn. We’re talking clothes so ugly that we can’t focus on anything except taking them off…and running to the nearest bonfire to burn them. Disclaimer: Always remember to keep a simple rule in mind: if a girl asks “does this look good on me?,” say “of course!” This rule operates independently from your opinions.
1. Crocs – First and foremost, these look ridiculous unless you’re a toddler. They come in a wide assortment of nauseating colors, such as ‘Lime,’ ‘Dahlia,’ ‘Sky,’ ‘Pearl,’ and ‘Chocolate.’ Made of plastic, Crocs are extremely conducive to putrid foot odors. Don’t worry, these are conveniently unisex, threatening both femininity and manhood. Usually people wear these to “just relax,” making them distastefully popular on college campuses.
2. Wedges – Another example of footwear that can ruin a good mood. Like Crocs, their disturbing presence attracts your eyes like a streak of mustard across her face. Maybe I’m drawing broad conclusions, but it seems like wedges always come with an attitude. Of course, we’ll never really know if wedges make her moody or if moody girls wear wedges.
3. Babydoll Dress – This thing is called a “babydoll.” Girls seem to think these are sexy, but we don’t know why. Yea baby, it’s short, but are you expecting or something? It does absolutely nothing for a girl’s curves except hide them under flowy material. We’re all for being discrete, but come on, no one wants to hook up with someone who chooses to wear something with the word baby in it.
4. One-Piece Suit- Ah, the one-piece. Risque in days past, this swimsuit now bows down to the bikini. It’s heartbreaking to see college girls with tight stomachs and luscious busts wearing one of these. It just doesn’t really make any sense. Maybe it’s that they don’t want any attention. But they don’t realize that a one-piece will give them attention — but the absolutely wrong kind. They transform any hot girl into a frazzled soccer mom who came to the beach in a minivan.
5. Oversized Clothing – Save the worst for last. Do any of us know what to call these? “Really, really baggy shirts reminiscent of 90s tall-tees” should work. Like the babydoll, these hide her body definition and turn her into a walking square. And unless you’re the kinda guy who gets turned on by right angles, this probably won’t do it for you. She might as well tape a pillow case to her neck and save the fifty spot. They seem to be associated with indie culture, so if she listens to Modest Mouse or tries to get you to wear skinny jeans, she probably has one of these in store for you.
Wish I had found this blog ages ago! I’m hooked.