Not everyone can stomach the rush of risky sex. There could be trouble if you get caught with your pants down, though the severity of your punishment will vary considerably — you could be arrested, disinherited, barred from the establishment, or fired. Getting it on in illicit places is a bold and exciting move, and may just spice up your sex life an extra notch. The greatest and sexiest part about getting off in any of these locales is the spontaneity and excitement of being naughty. It can of course be mentioned beforehand, just so it’s in the frontal lobes of both your minds so when you exchange that devilish look, it is understood immediately.
Read on to find out how to minimize risk and maximize pleasure when doing it in precarious places. Try to be clean and not be seen, especially by young ones.
attire
For most of the locations below, I recommend that women wear a skirt — the shorter the better. Men should wear zippered trousers or shorts and boxers, or better yet go commando.
1 – Parents’ place
Having sneaky sex at either of your parents’ place is hideously fun and dangerous. The danger of getting caught, not by a stranger, but by a relative is enough to deter anyone. If the elders in question are on the conservative side, you could be seriously living on the edge. This is both rebellious and hilarious, in a deeply satisfying way.
How to do it:
You wouldn’t want to spoil the adoration her parents have for you would you? Offending your in-laws is never sensible or helpful, so having sex right under their noses would be a silly idea. I’m not talking about in their spare bed at night when you’re house sitting, I’m talking about during the day, in the bathroom/laundry rooom/garage/spare bedroom while they are sitting drinking tea in the lounge or doing whatever it is they do.
Getting caught by her parents would be devastatingly embarrassing for everyone, and they will think less of you afterwards, so make sure to clean up properly and wash yourself: They still know what sex smells like, even if they look like they haven’t had any for the last 150 years; as they love to remind us, “we were young once too you know!”
Learn a far more advanced way to study for your human sexuality exam…
2 – The Library
You and your girl walk into the library with no thought of checking out a hardcover; you just want to have sex in the book stacks. Sex in the hallowed library is really pushing the limits of society’s ever-changing sexual boundaries. Libraries are almost as sacred as churches, with all the deep-thinking and acquisition of knowledge that goes on there, all in golden silence of course. A quickie in the sex education section could work, but you will need to be sneaky — and really, really quiet.
How to do it:
Each library is laid out differently, but they all have common features. For one, they have a lot of space. They have shelf after shelf of information and yarns of the ages. Library goers are normally engrossed in their own activities, which means they are not looking at you. There are loads of strange little corners in libraries, so find a nook or cranny and get into it. Make it quick! You are not here to make passionate long-lasting love, but to indulge yourself in some fast, risqué nookie.
Teasing can be done almost anywhere in a library beforehand with a slip of the hand down the pants or up a shirt, standing far too close to each other in the aisles or her stockinged toes fondling your body parts under a table. In fact, the foreplay is just as naughty and fun — don’t think that your erotic library experience has to be limited to intercourse.
Standing is the safest way to attempt sex in a library — this way you can quickly escape with no harm done if someone happens to pass by. A bag of books or a folder will cover up your undone fly, as long as your pants are not around your ankles! Remember, grouchy old librarians will frown on you if you get busted in their library, so keep the volume down. Charges will likely be pressed if you get caught, and you’ll be barred forever.
3 – The Sauna
Sauna sex has been going on since the dawn of saunas, resulting in many fainting episodes, lots of sweat and possibly a couple of heart attacks. The most obvious benefit of sex in a sauna is the lack of oxygen, which creates a heightened sensitivity. The heat also increases blood flow around the body, which also heightens the feeling in your extremities. Slippery body parts are extra sexy and make the loving extra spicy. You probably don’t have a sauna at home and will more than likely be at a gym or health spa where anyone could walk in at any time, which increases the tension.
How to do it:
Sitting is probably going to be the easiest position for your love making. Standing up can cause dizziness or fainting and should be avoided. Being horizontal could become uncomfortable and is a riskier option. The benches in saunas are normally multi-tiered and provide a couple of positioning options. The safest position: Both of you face the door, you sit on a bench and she “sits” on your lap. Public saunas are not the most hygienic places in the world, therefore, stay safe and clean up afterward. Also, keep the moaning to a minimum.
Don’t just photocopy your ass at work; take full advantage of the cluttered copy/storage room…
4 – An alley
Depending on the alley, this could be bad for your health in a few ways. Choose an alley that is fairly clean — as dodgy things happen in them — and don’t get arrested. Make sure you wear your good running shoes for a fast escape.
How to do it:
Basically, hide behind a large object in the alley. Parked cars provide reasonable visual protection from sidewalk pedestrians, whether you do it against the car or against the wall. Big bins shield you from prying eyes, and since you can normally hear someone coming, there’s not much to worry about. Don’t have sex lying down or sitting in an alley, as there are germs galore! Also, watch out for tearing her lovely clothes on concrete or brick walls if she is up against them. Night is probably better than the day because shadows also provide some cover. But, if you want to do it during the day, go for it, brave soldier! Good luck convincing your lady to do it though.
5 – In the office
Having sex at work could be regarded as highly unprofessional and could get you canned should you get caught — unless, of course, you’re the boss. Whatever you rank, nookie in the filing room or at a desk is unequivocally sexy. For those of you who work outside, behind a tree will work, or see number four, sex in an alley, and apply the same principles.
How to do it:
Because all our work environments are so varied, its hard to make standard workplace sex rules; however, offices normally have storage rooms that are sometimes lockable, and people can be absent from their desk for any number of reasons. Huffing and puffing won’t do though, so keep it quiet.
Basically, you really don’t want to get caught in the act at work, so make sure you lock that storage room door. Yes, the risks make it even hotter, but keep a clear-cut backup plan just in case. Have an excuse ready for anyone who catches you. The restroom is always a good place to have sex at work, because you have some privacy. Just be careful if there is only one stall. Having sex at work is totally naughty, so it better be worth losing your job over.
Panties in a bunch
Having sex in risky places is fun and can really put the devil back into your sex life. With a bit of daring and a sense of adventure, sex outside your home can make the difference between a boring day and an exciting memory. It will also improve the bond you have with your mate through sharing something illicit and erotic.
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